sdcjournal

Private Journal – Keep Out.

Archive for September, 1993

I love me

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i love me
i used to, anyway
i so much want to be normal
with “normal” feelings
and normal fears
i have been better
i don’t know anyone
anyone real
they’re just words
they aren’t real people
i miss people
yet I’m scared of them
scared of what they make me
what i make me
i am by myself
alone
even with ofliers i
i am inside myself
fighting to get out
fighting with me
i want to
i can’t
i can
i don’t want to
i must
oh?
must i?
i thought i could
i guess i’m just destined to be alone
Within myself
forever
my only friend
fighting to get out
be normal
be anything
but i’m not
‘ i’m nothing
i’m myself
when all you do is look inward
you miss out on everything outside
that’s me
that’ s who i am
how i am
what i am
i Wish it were different
it wont be
ever
this is how i am
by myself
late at night
talking to words
instead of people
staying inside to talk to words ‘
instead of
going outside and talking to people
i wish i could
so much fighting
i am the enemy
inwards
looking inwards
its a damn lonely place
inside of yourself
thoughts echo
emotions multiply
pain increases
i am bouncing around inside myself
looking for an opening
alas, there are so few
and when i find one
somehow the inside looks a lot better
easier
less complicated
and still i bounce
echoing
inside myself
words
words are a Way out‘?
and yet
they are only words
Written communication
so shallow
literal
a quick bounce past them
“hellooo?”
there’s no one here
no one inside of me
in my heart
in my soul
not even me
Where have they gone?
i am all alone
forever
Let
Me
OUT.

Written by admin

September 15th, 1993 at 5:43 pm

Posted in Poetry