StillwelNY: are u there?
SoftLord: yeah
StillwelNY: how u doing
SoftLord: been better been worse
StillwelNY: your message got me very concerned
SoftLord: yeah well its not just you.
StillwelNY: what do you mean
SoftLord: i’m not all that pleased about it
myself
StillwelNY: o
StillwelNY: did u make a doctor appointment
SoftLord: i think dads going to
StillwelNY: ask him right now if he did
SoftLord: but i got the ominous “we’re going to
have to have a talk” today from hjim
StillwelNY: did he make an appointment
SoftLord: i didn’t ask him yet…
StillwelNY: just ask him
SoftLord: give me a sec
StillwelNY: k
SoftLord: apparently what i did two weeks
ago, which i thought was standing up for
myself was nothing but an attempt to be cruel
and heartless to him, and apparently i also said
things that he wouldn’t have said to me
although he had the right to, and we’re not
roommates, he’s my father, and he applauds
my thinking that i’m an adult so now he will be
shopping fro himself and i can make my own
damn doctors appointments and bank deposits
and such…and in the same breath he suggests
i take better care of myself annd go to the
dentist and eat some green vegetables.
StillwelNY: okay
SoftLord: i need a spiked wall to bang my head
into
StillwelNY: i do know how frustrating it is – but it
must be frustating for both of you – being the house
so much together
StillwelNY: being in the house
SoftLord: i know… but when he tells me that
me sticking up for myself after months and
months of bottling up agression based on his
totally arbitrary rules that made no sense was
nothing more than an attempt to be cruel to
him it affects me and makes me not want to
do it again.
StillwelNY: i hear you – you are both being hurt by
eachother – and both hurting eachother – it is really a
shame
SoftLord: …
SoftLord: i don’t understand how so much
conflict can come when we both basically just
work around each other in realtime
StillwelNY: it takes alot of work for a parent and
child to be able to avoid conflict – and perhaps it is
inevitable because when you assume the role of
parent and child
SoftLord: it would be nice to have an escape,
but at the moment even going to clubs seems
like an obligation
SoftLord: as does being in communication with
people by being online
StillwelNY: i hear you – it sounds like these are
symptoms of depression
SoftLord: or a stressful situation
StillwelNY: or / and u need to do some serious soul
searching about your life
StillwelNY: or both
SoftLord: i’m not disagreeing that i’m heading
toward some sort of depression, i’m just not
positive that the need for some decompression
space is a symptom
StillwelNY: you are right
StillwelNY: you are welcome to come to avenue c
at any time
SoftLord: i know
StillwelNY: in fact there is no one there during the
day
SoftLord: i hate my damn brain chemistry
SoftLord: and endocrinological chemistry
StillwelNY: i know exactly what you mean – i think
there are many factors as u know
SoftLord: i know i need a job…i just really
want to find somewhere i fit in and can do
what i’m good at rather than just finding s shit
job that i hate, you know…
StillwelNY: what is a shit job
SoftLord: i don’t know
StillwelNY: do u mean easy job or mindless or
what?
SoftLord: i don’t know what i mean
StillwelNY: u might want to call my friend john who
is working on a website and would like u to work
with him – the site is jobfather about finding jobs and
the jobs u like using the internet.. he is a good job
counseler also and a very nice man
StillwelNY: he also know alot about depression
SoftLord: yeah, but you know…i’ve been
through this before, i know the drill…
SoftLord: er…the depression
SoftLord: does this person have an e-mail?
StillwelNY: and medication helps you – so there is
always the possiblity of relief
StillwelNY: yes he does one moment
StillwelNY: LIVELIHOOD@aol.com
SoftLord: so i cut my finger last night and now
its bugging me
StillwelNY: r u gong to dj tomorrow?
SoftLord: i wasn’t planning on it
StillwelNY: will they still have u
SoftLord: that was a one time thing
StillwelNY: oh
StillwelNY: it sounds like u did very well Sunday
StillwelNY: are u going back next sunday?
SoftLord: we made a little under $200 at the
door
StillwelNY: that sounds good to me
SoftLord: after expenses we made about $40
each
StillwelNY: that is more than you have made before
SoftLord: i know…that wasn’t a complaint
SoftLord: but this is the last club night i’m
going to get involved with the business end of
StillwelNY: what does that mean the business end
SoftLord: promoting/organizing/running a night
StillwelNY: oh that does seem like lots of work –
can u just get individual gigs
SoftLord: its not just the work, its the politics
and B.S.
StillwelNY: what do u mean exactly
SoftLord: scene politics and jealousy and
politics, and people trying to screw you over
and such
StillwelNY: does it effect u directly – or can u do
your thing without getting involved
SoftLord: it does, it wont after two sundays
from now
StillwelNY: what do u mean
SoftLord: as i said…this is the last club night
that i’m getting majorly involved with the
business end of
StillwelNY: does that mean u will be doing any dj
work
SoftLord: sure, if people want me to
SoftLord: i still have my scene contacts, i just
dont’w ant to be running a night
StillwelNY: k
StillwelNY: how do u avoid the business – does
that exclude pyramid club
SoftLord: if i can just come in, dj and leave i’m
cool.
StillwelNY: why can’t u?
SoftLord: on sundays you mean?
StillwelNY: yes
SoftLord: cause its my night…i’m responsible
for stuff being run, and handling who gets paid
what and making sure everything goes
smoothly and advertising it and everything else
StillwelNY: i did not realize that
SoftLord: yup
SoftLord: *sigh*
StillwelNY: were u given this night
SoftLord: sorta…
StillwelNY: for more than 3 sundays
SoftLord: no
SoftLord: its just for three sundays
SoftLord: that being hte point of the night
SoftLord: i guess
SoftLord: cause the last night ended last
sunday and the manager, Corrino, doesn’t have
another night scheduled until aug 27th, so he
asked me if i wanted to od a night for 3 weeks
and i would keep the door
StillwelNY: so i sounds like u don’t have to really
do anything to get people in the door – u just need
to keep track of the moeny and divide it
SoftLord: of course at 3:45 last night he tried
to make me pay him for doing security and also
pay the tech guy out of the door when the
agreement was that we’d split it
SoftLord: i’ve been advertising it on the net, i
also created and printed flyers and have been
distributing them, and e-mailing lots of people
SoftLord: http://www.softlord.com/dj/interim.html
StillwelNY: the problem seems to be the manager
– he seems to like to get more than he deserves
SoftLord: well whatever
SoftLord: nothing i can do about it
StillwelNY: and when u get famous and in demand
u can just by pass him – but u need to start
somewhere does that make sense
StillwelNY: and as u say the money is not the most
important part at this time – it is the exposure
SoftLord: i don’t want to get famous as a club
night promoter
SoftLord: or particularly as a dj either…i dj
cause i like it not cause i want to make a living
at it
StillwelNY: i know that u like it tho
StillwelNY: it is just fun to do something u like and
perhaps get paid for it.
StillwelNY: it just paid money to do what i like
StillwelNY: i just paid
SoftLord: and having to deal with the business
end and all the B.S. really kills any enjoyment i
may have for the dj part
SoftLord: *swallows down yet another bout of
anxiety*
SoftLord: what i really want to do is be one of
a couple of people working on some sort of
music or tehcnology-oriented web site in an
environment with nice people and maybe
someone i know already working there
SoftLord: and whatever i get paid, i get paid.
SoftLord: i don’t want to be the only one there
that everyone else asks how to do stuff…i
want to be able to not know how to do
somethng and ask someone else and have
them do the same
StillwelNY: does not seem like an excessive
desire…
StillwelNY: i need to get going – do u want to set
up a time to get together – or we can talk tomorrow
–
SoftLord: and i’d like it to be soon before i go
insane
StillwelNY: i am available tonight after therapy at
7:30 ish
StillwelNY: and the rest of the week after work –
and if u want we can do some music stuff at avenue
c on Friday when i am off
SoftLord: …
StillwelNY: i need to leave – so if we are not
meeting tonight – we can set something up tomorrow
SoftLord: then tomorrow i guess…i’m tired
StillwelNY: think about what u want to do
SoftLord: i take it back, my eyes don’t want to
stay open but i’m nto really tired
StillwelNY: i understand – please make the doctor
appointment
StillwelNY: gotta go
StillwelNY: bye and i love u
StillwelNY signed off at 5:44:20 PM.
SoftLord: yeah
StillwelNY: how u doing
SoftLord: been better been worse
StillwelNY: your message got me very concerned
SoftLord: yeah well its not just you.
StillwelNY: what do you mean
SoftLord: i’m not all that pleased about it
myself
StillwelNY: o
StillwelNY: did u make a doctor appointment
SoftLord: i think dads going to
StillwelNY: ask him right now if he did
SoftLord: but i got the ominous “we’re going to
have to have a talk” today from hjim
StillwelNY: did he make an appointment
SoftLord: i didn’t ask him yet…
StillwelNY: just ask him
SoftLord: give me a sec
StillwelNY: k
SoftLord: apparently what i did two weeks
ago, which i thought was standing up for
myself was nothing but an attempt to be cruel
and heartless to him, and apparently i also said
things that he wouldn’t have said to me
although he had the right to, and we’re not
roommates, he’s my father, and he applauds
my thinking that i’m an adult so now he will be
shopping fro himself and i can make my own
damn doctors appointments and bank deposits
and such…and in the same breath he suggests
i take better care of myself annd go to the
dentist and eat some green vegetables.
StillwelNY: okay
SoftLord: i need a spiked wall to bang my head
into
StillwelNY: i do know how frustrating it is – but it
must be frustating for both of you – being the house
so much together
StillwelNY: being in the house
SoftLord: i know… but when he tells me that
me sticking up for myself after months and
months of bottling up agression based on his
totally arbitrary rules that made no sense was
nothing more than an attempt to be cruel to
him it affects me and makes me not want to
do it again.
StillwelNY: i hear you – you are both being hurt by
eachother – and both hurting eachother – it is really a
shame
SoftLord: …
SoftLord: i don’t understand how so much
conflict can come when we both basically just
work around each other in realtime
StillwelNY: it takes alot of work for a parent and
child to be able to avoid conflict – and perhaps it is
inevitable because when you assume the role of
parent and child
SoftLord: it would be nice to have an escape,
but at the moment even going to clubs seems
like an obligation
SoftLord: as does being in communication with
people by being online
StillwelNY: i hear you – it sounds like these are
symptoms of depression
SoftLord: or a stressful situation
StillwelNY: or / and u need to do some serious soul
searching about your life
StillwelNY: or both
SoftLord: i’m not disagreeing that i’m heading
toward some sort of depression, i’m just not
positive that the need for some decompression
space is a symptom
StillwelNY: you are right
StillwelNY: you are welcome to come to avenue c
at any time
SoftLord: i know
StillwelNY: in fact there is no one there during the
day
SoftLord: i hate my damn brain chemistry
SoftLord: and endocrinological chemistry
StillwelNY: i know exactly what you mean – i think
there are many factors as u know
SoftLord: i know i need a job…i just really
want to find somewhere i fit in and can do
what i’m good at rather than just finding s shit
job that i hate, you know…
StillwelNY: what is a shit job
SoftLord: i don’t know
StillwelNY: do u mean easy job or mindless or
what?
SoftLord: i don’t know what i mean
StillwelNY: u might want to call my friend john who
is working on a website and would like u to work
with him – the site is jobfather about finding jobs and
the jobs u like using the internet.. he is a good job
counseler also and a very nice man
StillwelNY: he also know alot about depression
SoftLord: yeah, but you know…i’ve been
through this before, i know the drill…
SoftLord: er…the depression
SoftLord: does this person have an e-mail?
StillwelNY: and medication helps you – so there is
always the possiblity of relief
StillwelNY: yes he does one moment
StillwelNY: LIVELIHOOD@aol.com
SoftLord: so i cut my finger last night and now
its bugging me
StillwelNY: r u gong to dj tomorrow?
SoftLord: i wasn’t planning on it
StillwelNY: will they still have u
SoftLord: that was a one time thing
StillwelNY: oh
StillwelNY: it sounds like u did very well Sunday
StillwelNY: are u going back next sunday?
SoftLord: we made a little under $200 at the
door
StillwelNY: that sounds good to me
SoftLord: after expenses we made about $40
each
StillwelNY: that is more than you have made before
SoftLord: i know…that wasn’t a complaint
SoftLord: but this is the last club night i’m
going to get involved with the business end of
StillwelNY: what does that mean the business end
SoftLord: promoting/organizing/running a night
StillwelNY: oh that does seem like lots of work –
can u just get individual gigs
SoftLord: its not just the work, its the politics
and B.S.
StillwelNY: what do u mean exactly
SoftLord: scene politics and jealousy and
politics, and people trying to screw you over
and such
StillwelNY: does it effect u directly – or can u do
your thing without getting involved
SoftLord: it does, it wont after two sundays
from now
StillwelNY: what do u mean
SoftLord: as i said…this is the last club night
that i’m getting majorly involved with the
business end of
StillwelNY: does that mean u will be doing any dj
work
SoftLord: sure, if people want me to
SoftLord: i still have my scene contacts, i just
dont’w ant to be running a night
StillwelNY: k
StillwelNY: how do u avoid the business – does
that exclude pyramid club
SoftLord: if i can just come in, dj and leave i’m
cool.
StillwelNY: why can’t u?
SoftLord: on sundays you mean?
StillwelNY: yes
SoftLord: cause its my night…i’m responsible
for stuff being run, and handling who gets paid
what and making sure everything goes
smoothly and advertising it and everything else
StillwelNY: i did not realize that
SoftLord: yup
SoftLord: *sigh*
StillwelNY: were u given this night
SoftLord: sorta…
StillwelNY: for more than 3 sundays
SoftLord: no
SoftLord: its just for three sundays
SoftLord: that being hte point of the night
SoftLord: i guess
SoftLord: cause the last night ended last
sunday and the manager, Corrino, doesn’t have
another night scheduled until aug 27th, so he
asked me if i wanted to od a night for 3 weeks
and i would keep the door
StillwelNY: so i sounds like u don’t have to really
do anything to get people in the door – u just need
to keep track of the moeny and divide it
SoftLord: of course at 3:45 last night he tried
to make me pay him for doing security and also
pay the tech guy out of the door when the
agreement was that we’d split it
SoftLord: i’ve been advertising it on the net, i
also created and printed flyers and have been
distributing them, and e-mailing lots of people
SoftLord: http://www.softlord.com/dj/interim.html
StillwelNY: the problem seems to be the manager
– he seems to like to get more than he deserves
SoftLord: well whatever
SoftLord: nothing i can do about it
StillwelNY: and when u get famous and in demand
u can just by pass him – but u need to start
somewhere does that make sense
StillwelNY: and as u say the money is not the most
important part at this time – it is the exposure
SoftLord: i don’t want to get famous as a club
night promoter
SoftLord: or particularly as a dj either…i dj
cause i like it not cause i want to make a living
at it
StillwelNY: i know that u like it tho
StillwelNY: it is just fun to do something u like and
perhaps get paid for it.
StillwelNY: it just paid money to do what i like
StillwelNY: i just paid
SoftLord: and having to deal with the business
end and all the B.S. really kills any enjoyment i
may have for the dj part
SoftLord: *swallows down yet another bout of
anxiety*
SoftLord: what i really want to do is be one of
a couple of people working on some sort of
music or tehcnology-oriented web site in an
environment with nice people and maybe
someone i know already working there
SoftLord: and whatever i get paid, i get paid.
SoftLord: i don’t want to be the only one there
that everyone else asks how to do stuff…i
want to be able to not know how to do
somethng and ask someone else and have
them do the same
StillwelNY: does not seem like an excessive
desire…
StillwelNY: i need to get going – do u want to set
up a time to get together – or we can talk tomorrow
–
SoftLord: and i’d like it to be soon before i go
insane
StillwelNY: i am available tonight after therapy at
7:30 ish
StillwelNY: and the rest of the week after work –
and if u want we can do some music stuff at avenue
c on Friday when i am off
SoftLord: …
StillwelNY: i need to leave – so if we are not
meeting tonight – we can set something up tomorrow
SoftLord: then tomorrow i guess…i’m tired
StillwelNY: think about what u want to do
SoftLord: i take it back, my eyes don’t want to
stay open but i’m nto really tired
StillwelNY: i understand – please make the doctor
appointment
StillwelNY: gotta go
StillwelNY: bye and i love u
StillwelNY signed off at 5:44:20 PM.