Private Journal – Keep Out.

Archive for July, 2003


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Snarki2: hey it’s Carlin – I’m on Adam’s identity since
he has all the music

Snarki2: listening to Ambulance and in for the day so
send me a message to spice up my day

SoftLord: cumin

Snarki2: what have you been up to today

SoftLord: about 6’1

SoftLord: 🙂

Snarki2: so you like taller women

SoftLord: i like women who can keep up with me

Snarki2: is that difficult to find?

Snarki2: are you still busy???

SoftLord: no…trying to come up with a clever
answer to that last one

Snarki2: tired today?

SoftLord: are you related to adam? his youngest
daughter no doubt

SoftLord: actually just got up from a nap… dont
sleep enough durin the week so gotta make up for
it over the weekend

Snarki2: you didn’t know that Adam is my brother

Snarki2: I see

SoftLord: i did not… twasn’t mentioned to me…

SoftLord: i figured there was somethin cause of
the name

Snarki2: most people think we’re married because we
have the same name and live together

SoftLord: i’m not most people 🙂

SoftLord: so you have a white stripes thing goin

Snarki2: that’s very true:-*

SoftLord: *smiles* mmmm… and a great kisser

Snarki2: self-proclaimed or from testimonials?

SoftLord: lol…i was bein a kiss-ass again… but i
have been told i am one as well…

Snarki2: I think being a good kisser is about passion
and tongue to lip smacking ratio to maintain the right
level of lubrication

SoftLord: and tempo…. and not overdoing it too
much to begin with…

Snarki2: that’s the worst

Snarki2: people don’t know how to work up to

SoftLord: right… its all about the buildup and

Snarki2: what ever happened to seduction and

SoftLord: my favorite moment is the half second
right before a first real kiss

SoftLord: when like… you both know its
inevitable, but it hasn’t quite happened yet

Snarki2: when the tension is the highest that it’s electric

Snarki2: me too

SoftLord: but you’re still pretty secure in knowing
the other person wants it too

Snarki2: it’s all in the eyes

SoftLord: *grin* oh yes… yes it is

Snarki2: have you ever been surprised to find out that
someone is interested??

Snarki2: or did you know

SoftLord: hmm… well…

Snarki2: well what

SoftLord: i tend to get people who are attracted
to me like… in psycho amounts… i guess its my

Snarki2: same here – i’m always surprised though to
have men following around

Snarki2: maybe it’s the scene too

SoftLord: its either "i think yuo’re cool and lets be
friends so theres no possibility of ever seeing me
naked" or "oh my god you’re so amazing i want to
IM you late at night and ask you to marry me i
love you i love you i love you"

Snarki2: so you’ve gotten marriage proposals

Snarki2: that’s scary

SoftLord: yea… well…

Snarki2: whenever the pop out that ring box i freak

SoftLord: lol

Snarki2: do you think it’s the fear of commitment or
stalker thing

SoftLord: i dunno… i used to be really really
insecure and
unattractive (or felt that way)… so
the prospet of anyone i was interested in being
attracted to me was like… no way jose

Snarki2: so women found you approachable and a
challenge – just what most messed up women love

SoftLord: nah.. even worse… i got the "N G" word

SoftLord: or get…

Snarki2: what’s the "N G" word???

SoftLord: "you’re such a Nice Guy"

SoftLord: (tm)

Snarki2: that’s a cop-out

SoftLord: oh i know

Snarki2: women just can’t be honest with themselves
or men

Snarki2: that’s the problem

SoftLord: but i was for a long time… the nice
non-threatening easy-to-get-along-with…

Snarki2: college?

SoftLord: hehe… true… i think thats true of

SoftLord: newp…no college… went directly from

SoftLord: well… took a year off, anyway

Snarki2: very interesting

Snarki2: what did you do for that year?

SoftLord: bummed around, half looked for a job

SoftLord: not a very interesting story, i’m afraid 🙂

Snarki2: ok now i have to ask you – how old are you?

SoftLord: lol….guess

Snarki2: you suck

SoftLord: *grin* who toldja

SoftLord: i’m not THAT much younger than you

Snarki2: all those testimonials on friendster

Snarki2: i’d say you’re in the 25-27 range

SoftLord: really….iiinteresting

Snarki2: maybe 24

SoftLord: bingo bango

Snarki2: just a baby boy

Snarki2: this is fun

SoftLord: *raises eyebrow* i’m all grown up in
some areas… 😉

Snarki2: i’ve heard about your development

SoftLord: that its arrested?

Snarki2: beyond your years…

SoftLord: oh yea…

Snarki2: well i’m an old women

SoftLord: psh…

SoftLord: silly

Snarki2: fully developed

Snarki2: but very happy with this stage in my life

SoftLord: you’ve got many years to go before
anyone could consider you anything approaching

Snarki2: thank you

Snarki2: still i get to play with 24 year old "boys"

SoftLord: *smile* Are you trying to seduce me?

Snarki2: i’m not sure – i admit i like the volley

SoftLord: okay fine, it was a bastardization of a
graduate quote, but…

Snarki2: very well done young Jeremy

SoftLord: it sounded like there was a ‘but’ in there

Snarki2: not a "but" – just inquisitive

SoftLord: that was not a particularly loaded
question… i’m enjoying the conversation too,
very much.

Snarki2: like getting to know you

SoftLord: likewise

Snarki2: no what???

Snarki2: i meant now what??

SoftLord: oh… well i’m not sure

Snarki2: isn’t that the best part?

SoftLord: for some 🙂

Snarki2: for you?

SoftLord: i’m a taurus… i like comfort and security
and knowing where i stand with people… although
the element of the unknown can be exciting
ultimately i’d rather be home snugglin with
someone rather than sitting up at night wondering
‘so do they like me like i like them’…

Snarki2: wouldn’t have guessed that

SoftLord: no?

Snarki2: now that you say it it seems right

Snarki2: i’m an aries

SoftLord: i knew this

Snarki2: how?

SoftLord: i think you mightve mentioned it at the

Snarki2: too much tequila

SoftLord: lol

Snarki2: and you weren’t drinking at all – no fair

SoftLord: yeah i know… you know, i still owe you
a drink from there

Snarki2: that’s right

SoftLord: i had to be sober enough to work

Snarki2: i start off sober then have people putting
drinks in my hand

Snarki2: still get the job done though

SoftLord: lol…me too… i rarely end up paying for

Snarki2: i’m comped everywhere in the city – people
are starting to drop my name and getting comped too

SoftLord: wow you ARE a party girl

Snarki2: it’s this documentary thing

SoftLord: i can do that pretty much anywhere on
avenue A, or any goth/electro/britpop scene thing

Snarki2: good to know

Snarki2: it’s an art

SoftLord: its all about making friends with the
important b-list people

SoftLord: bouncers, bartenders

Snarki2: with this documentary i’ve made friends with
all the club owners in myc and the hamptons – scary

SoftLord: ew…slimy

Snarki2: very slimy

SoftLord: all of ’em… thats why i haven’t started
up another club night in awhile

Snarki2: it’s pretty played out – but the guys at Show
are pretty cool

Snarki2: they do these burlesque nights that are pretty

Snarki2: women on swings etc.

SoftLord: iinteresting

SoftLord: dont think i could afford to set
something up there 🙂

Snarki2: i don’t pay for anything – vip baby

SoftLord: you’re a good girl to know 🙂

Snarki2: wait till my masturbation documentary goes
into production

SoftLord: only if theres personal footage included

Snarki2: everyone keeps asking me

SoftLord: lol

SoftLord: well you do give people a good straight

Snarki2: my production assistant thinks i should use
some body cover up on my tattoos and go for it

Snarki2: i’m straight and deviant at the same time

SoftLord: my favorite… nice with a tinge of

Snarki2: absolutely

SoftLord: the kind you can take home to mom and
then keep mom awake at night with strange
noises comin from the bedroom

Snarki2: just your everyday
lawyer/producer/deviant/gourmet cook/family person

SoftLord: hmm.. *thinks* what would mine be…
just your every day geek/dj/naughtyboi/cookie
master/romantic/mommas boy

Snarki2: well done – so a momma’s boy huh

SoftLord: well… you’dh ave to meet my mom

SoftLord: hehe

Snarki2: i can tell from talking to you that she is

SoftLord: *grin* she gave me good taste in
people, thats for sure

Snarki2: tell me more…

SoftLord: about my good taste in people or about
my mom? 😛

Snarki2: good taste in people

SoftLord: oh… well… you’ve seen my friendster
page… heh… and some people i’ve just started
interacting with confirm my good taste 😛

SoftLord: even tho i haven’t yet tasted them

Snarki2: what constitutes a "good" person??

SoftLord: ah… well…

Snarki2: tell me please..

SoftLord: good-hearted (even if they dont show
it, i tend to have a knack for sniffing them out)…
funny, usually quite attractive, quick-witted…
able to think on multiple levels simultaneously…

Snarki2: i see

SoftLord: i dunno… i’ve never had to put together
a list of ‘what constitutes a person i will interact
with’ before…

Snarki2: notice you like the "attractive" thing

SoftLord: lol… its a taurus thing… i need a lot of
beauty in my life… and ‘attractive’ isn’t
necessarily a physical thing

Snarki2: what is "attractive" then?

SoftLord: a vibe you have, a way of feeling about
yourself… a mischevous twinkle, a soft smile in a
quiet moment… could be many things

SoftLord: what is attractive for you?

Snarki2: very well put – i completely agree but
wouldn’t have put in in such succinct words

Snarki2: let’s see

Snarki2: hold on for a moment – duty calls but want to
answer that question shortly

SoftLord: words are great…you can do so many
different things with them 🙂

SoftLord: okie… brb also, gotta potty

SoftLord: back

Snarki2: almost

Snarki2: back

Snarki2: attractive?

SoftLord: nice back

Snarki2: thank you

SoftLord: heh

Snarki2: do you want my answer or what??

SoftLord: of course

Snarki2: a sense of humor, confidence, the ability to
take chaos in stride and always enjoy the moment for
what it is not what it should be

SoftLord: interesting

Snarki2: i try

SoftLord: sounds like that comes from working in
a chaotic environment

Snarki2: my real ability lies in making order out of

SoftLord: yea… i try not to stress anything too
much… doesn’t always work

Snarki2: i’m better in a stressful environment – it
focuses me

SoftLord: agreed, definitely

SoftLord: pressure is what turns coal into
diamonds, after all

Snarki2: and somehow it generates alot of $ for my
business – so my shareholders and partners are happy

Snarki2: but the whole earner thing has it’s drawbacks

SoftLord: are you an owner at pseudo?

Snarki2: founding partner

SoftLord: interesting

Snarki2: does it make sense?

SoftLord: just something i didn’t know about you

Snarki2: so i can still surprise you:-)

SoftLord: you’re not the only one interested in
‘getting to know’ someone here, ya know 😛

Snarki2: very good

SoftLord: you mean after one official meeting,
flirting at a work event and a couple of hours of
online chatting? i’d say so

Snarki2: me too

SoftLord: it doesn’t surprise me that you’d be
running things… you just dont really go around
like you do… or i haven’t seen it

Snarki2: seen what? i lost you

SoftLord: er.. with the "i RUN pseudo..i AM
pseudo"… i dont think people would guess that
you’re a founding partner if you didnt’ tell them

SoftLord: which is not a bad thing, certainly

Snarki2: that’s because i’m a women, i’m fairly young,
most men want to fuck me, and i’m not arrogant about

Snarki2: i keep it low-key so my staff respects me

SoftLord: *coff* dont do that while i’m drinking

Snarki2: got you hey

SoftLord: as i was taking a drink….

SoftLord: congratulations

SoftLord: heeh

SoftLord: usually its the other way around

Snarki2: i love to shock and i’m good at it

Snarki2: overactive imagination

SoftLord: another admirable quality 🙂

SoftLord: and *coff* useful

Snarki2: always

Snarki2: hard to find a partner who can keep up

SoftLord: perhaps you meant to say ‘difficult’

Snarki2: thank you for the insight – yes "difficult"

Snarki2: didn’t say impossible

SoftLord: *smile* no… no you didn’t 🙂

Snarki2: left the door open – always do

Snarki2: hate to foreclose any possibility

SoftLord: you never know who might poke their
head in

Snarki2: absolutely

Snarki2: may be a complete surprise

Snarki2: i love surprises and am rarely surprised

SoftLord: lesse… i’m a guy, i’m younger than
people think i am, mostly psycho goth girls and
scary old fags want to fuck me, and i’m
about it, but with tongue firmly planted in cheek

Snarki2: love the volley

Snarki2: very surprising…

SoftLord: …not that theres anything wrong with

Snarki2: what old fags and psycho goth girls?

SoftLord: hey, whatever pays the bills, ya know…

SoftLord: er…i mean…nothin

SoftLord: O:-)

Snarki2: how much would i have to pay for your

SoftLord: *thinks* i’m sure we could work out
some sort of barter

Snarki2: good to know that you’re flexible on price

SoftLord: its a sliding scale

Snarki2: thought you were going to say it’s a slippery

SoftLord: well that depends on how the evening
goes, now doesn’t it

Snarki2: that’s true you can never tell how an evening
is going to end

SoftLord: very true

SoftLord: thats the fun thing about evenings

SoftLord: if you do it right

Snarki2: so what was your most "surprising" evening??

Snarki2: no names just the juicy facts

SoftLord: hmmm… my evenings as of late have
been deplorably predictable, i’m afraid…

Snarki2: what about evenings of lore

SoftLord: thats the other thing you should
probably know about me…

Snarki2: what’s that

Snarki2: don’t kiss and tell

SoftLord: i tend to overthink my way out of
things… old habit, but you know what they say
about those

Snarki2: old habits are hard to break?

SoftLord: that’ll do 🙂

Snarki2: no it won’t

Snarki2: i’m desperate for some more

SoftLord: some more…. what

Snarki2: more proverbial Jeremy

SoftLord: oh…hehe

SoftLord: well i was gonna say ‘old habits die

Snarki2: i disagree

Snarki2: i try to never establish habits – keep it
changing all the time

SoftLord: tho personally i think its just a matter of
finding the right sized shovel to hit them over the
head with

Snarki2: yes

Snarki2: as you get older it gets easier

Snarki2: call a bathroom break – will be back

SoftLord: oh i know… i have to remind myself
that i’m pretty much where i should be for my
age, if not a little ahead… in some areas

SoftLord: okay… i’ll try not to miss you too much

Snarki2: wasn’t i quick?

SoftLord: wow…everything come out alright?

Snarki2: yes thank you

SoftLord: glad to hear it

Snarki2: when you work out for 3 hours you drink
gallons of water and pee for hours afterwards

Snarki2: sorry

SoftLord: *giggle* you’re silly…girls dont pee

Snarki2: what do we do then?

SoftLord: they just go into the bathroom with 6 or
7 of your friends and talk about boys

SoftLord: of THEIR friends…jeez

Snarki2: i’m not a girl anymore – i go to the bathroom
for other things: ???

SoftLord: well… you’re the one doin a
documentary on it

Snarki2: nice guess but not what i was talking about

SoftLord: k 🙂

Snarki2: did you eat dinner yet?

SoftLord: i have not, no

Snarki2: what does Jeremy eat

SoftLord: *traces the outline of his soft lips
slowly, not answering*

SoftLord: *innocent whistle*

Snarki2: *bites her lip in anticipation*

SoftLord: eating is good… some things taste
better than others… i like eating things prepared
by gourmet chefs

Snarki2: so you like things prepared for you then

Snarki2: i know the type

Snarki2: but do you eat what’s prepared for you – no

SoftLord: well… i also love cooking things for
other people… big fan of showing up with
breakfast in bed

Snarki2: what’s on the menu generally?

SoftLord: breakfast-wise? i’ve gotten pretty good
at "whatevers-in-the-fridge" omlettes

SoftLord: coffee and juice

Snarki2: i had a scallion cream cheese omelette today

SoftLord: perhaps a rose

Snarki2: red?

SoftLord: depending

Snarki2: depending on what?

SoftLord: on who its for

SoftLord: one red, one white

Snarki2: passion and true love

SoftLord: *laugh* yes

Snarki2: quite a rare combination, jeremy

SoftLord: not just anyone gets breakfast in bed,

Snarki2: i see

Snarki2: like it when you say my name

SoftLord: do you have a nickname? or do people
pretty much call you carlin

Snarki2: people call me "carl" for short and "bella"

sometimes – i don’t know why

SoftLord: whats your middle name?

Snarki2: cort – family name my grandfathers first name

SoftLord: pretty

SoftLord: like diane

Snarki2: thank you – i think so

Snarki2: and you?


Written by admin

July 27th, 2003 at 9:53 am

Posted in Carlin Drama


leave a comment

SoftLord: carl?\

chrrybmbnyc: hey

SoftLord: well hello there…busy week?

chrrybmbnyc: extremely – but I’m half way done with shooting for the DVD

SoftLord: nice!… did you get in touch with the misstress barbra camp?"

chrrybmbnyc: I knew you were the one who introduced me to Mistress Barbara – yes she’s next on the schedule

SoftLord: coo

SoftLord: she kicks ass

chrrybmbnyc: absolutely

chrrybmbnyc: I may have to go to London to catch her

SoftLord: poor baby

chrrybmbnyc: I know you feel sorry for me like everyone else

SoftLord: *grin*

chrrybmbnyc: so what’s a young guy doing home on a friday night???

SoftLord: oh psh like yuo’re ancient? had a tiring week… my friend alex (i think you met her) just got hired as the new receptionist at TVT, she
was trying to drag me out drinking, but i just wasn’t feelin it… i’m in a stay-home-and-maybe-watch-dvds-or-somethin kinda mood

SoftLord: and attempt to not melt

chrrybmbnyc: we’re in the same state-of-mind right now

chrrybmbnyc: hot and sticky?

SoftLord: was that an offer?

SoftLord: my house has brick walls and northeastern exposure

chrrybmbnyc: excuses excuses

SoftLord: you could cook a pizza on my head

SoftLord: if you really wanted to

chrrybmbnyc: now I feel sorry for you

SoftLord: lol…woo…pity party at jeremy’s place and everyones invited!

chrrybmbnyc: sounds like fun

SoftLord: come watch me feel sorry for myself, and maybe have some cake

chrrybmbnyc: what kind of cake???

SoftLord: why chocolate of course

SoftLord: what kind of question is that

chrrybmbnyc: I want to know what I can expect that’s all

chrrybmbnyc: what kind of icing

SoftLord: i make a mean chocolate cake

chrrybmbnyc: and you bake too

SoftLord: i’m multi-talented

chrrybmbnyc: any other interesting talents

SoftLord: hmmmm….i can rub my tummy and pat my head

chrrybmbnyc: now that’s talent

SoftLord: and i can lick my eyebrows…….

chrrybmbnyc: even more interesting talent

chrrybmbnyc: I can roll my tongue

SoftLord: thought you’d like that one

chrrybmbnyc: always trying to please the ladies

SoftLord: i am, i am…

chrrybmbnyc: that’s what I thought

SoftLord: i do my best

chrrybmbnyc: I try

SoftLord: and try to surround myself with people of a similar mindset, that way it works out for everyone

chrrybmbnyc: good philosophy

SoftLord: it works, in theory

SoftLord: and yet here i am at home on a friday night, as you said 🙂

chrrybmbnyc: what about practice, though

SoftLord: practice makes perfect

chrrybmbnyc: clever retort, Jeremy

SoftLord: *bow*

chrrybmbnyc: I have to admit that I’m impressed with your grasp of IM

chrrybmbnyc: little smiley faces and such

SoftLord: i’ve been doin the online chat thing for quite some time… always been good with languages and such

SoftLord: you’re not so bad yourself

chrrybmbnyc: I’m just getting into chat now though so I’m a neophyte

SoftLord: don’t worry, i’ll be gentle

chrrybmbnyc: not too long though

SoftLord: thats an awfully personal question for someone i dont know that well yet 😛

chrrybmbnyc: just leave it on the back burner – just playing

chrrybmbnyc: I get bored

SoftLord: *grin* i know, hon 🙂

SoftLord: well i hope i haven’t bored you thusfar

chrrybmbnyc: not at all

SoftLord: then my evil plan can continue

SoftLord: er…i mean… um

SoftLord: nothin!

chrrybmbnyc: many a truth is said in jest

SoftLord: true

SoftLord: or were you kidding

chrrybmbnyc: I’ll never tell – it’s more interesting

SoftLord: my kinda gal

chrrybmbnyc: a girl has to be interesting doesn’t she?

SoftLord: she does

SoftLord: one can’t live on good looks alone

SoftLord: believe me!

chrrybmbnyc: It’s good to know that you’re humble

SoftLord: lol

SoftLord: imagine having all this and being humble too 😉

chrrybmbnyc: quite a package;-)

SoftLord: okay now you’re just baiting me

SoftLord: you’re a master at that

chrrybmbnyc: just leaving some bread crumbs for you to follow

SoftLord: what kind of bread?

chrrybmbnyc: sweet raisin bread

chrrybmbnyc: do you have a sweet tooth

SoftLord: mmm… i love that stuff… its like… a little tart at first and then suddenly this overwhelming fruity sweetness fills your mouth

chrrybmbnyc: how did I know i hit the nail on the head

SoftLord: i’m a taurus… i’m into decadence

chrrybmbnyc: now I’m intimidated – too tired and hung over to be as clever as you

SoftLord: you seem to be keeping up without a problem so far

chrrybmbnyc: and a kiss ass too

SoftLord: depends on the ass

chrrybmbnyc: how do you like your ass

SoftLord: sweet

chrrybmbnyc: no other description to provide – short for words

SoftLord: lol.. too many options on that one

SoftLord: wasn’t sure where to go

chrrybmbnyc: I’m not sure how far to take it

SoftLord: yes well thats the fun part, everyone always says, dont they

chrrybmbnyc: absolutely

chrrybmbnyc: burgers are done so we’ll have to play later be around

SoftLord: definitely

chrrybmbnyc: lol

SoftLord: i look forward to it

SoftLord: ass and all

chrrybmbnyc: get ready

SoftLord: enjoy the meat

chrrybmbnyc: thanks I know that I will

SoftLord: *grin*

chrrybmbnyc: bye

SoftLord: talk to ya in a bit

SoftLord: try not to miss me too much

chrrybmbnyc: ooohhh meat coma

SoftLord: good?

chrrybmbnyc: tasty goodness

chrrybmbnyc: what did you have for dinner

SoftLord: you know how to handle your meat, eh?

SoftLord: haven’t yet… had a late lunch

chrrybmbnyc: meat???

chrrybmbnyc: I handle my meat one bite at a time till I’m done

SoftLord: as you should

SoftLord: had Casalinga for lunch

chrrybmbnyc: you stumped me what’s casalinga

chrrybmbnyc: do describe

SoftLord: oh.. italian place on 6th street… delivers to tvt, thought you mightve heard of it

SoftLord: i got lemon rosemary chicken on a baguette with herb mayo and arugula

chrrybmbnyc: and you like mayo

chrrybmbnyc: I like mayo

SoftLord: its fate, then

chrrybmbnyc: like the sound of that

SoftLord: *smiles*

SoftLord: yes

chrrybmbnyc: you’re too cute with the *smiles*

SoftLord: stoppit you’ll make me blush

chrrybmbnyc: like that quality in a boy

SoftLord: one of these days i’ll learn how to take compliments from beautiful women, i swear

chrrybmbnyc: I was trying to insult you *boy*

SoftLord: who said i was talking about you 😛

chrrybmbnyc: tousche

chrrybmbnyc: just trying to gain an advantage

SoftLord: you just have to take it

chrrybmbnyc: usually I give it rather than take it

chrrybmbnyc: up for a change

SoftLord: funny, so do i

SoftLord: was that a quesiton or a statement

chrrybmbnyc: statement – but let’s pose it as a question for the interaction

SoftLord: i’m often up…for a change

SoftLord: or otherwise

chrrybmbnyc: statement of virility – at your age

SoftLord: depends on the company

chrrybmbnyc: not the stimulation???

SoftLord: right stimulation with wrong company is something i tend to try to avoid

chrrybmbnyc: same here – there’s nothing worse

SoftLord: yes… for that i might as well just stay home and be my own company

chrrybmbnyc: like tonight

chrrybmbnyc: here we are full circle

SoftLord: tonight… tonight you are my company

SoftLord: *hums the theme from the lion king*

chrrybmbnyc: *giggle giggle*

SoftLord: and personally i dont think i have it so bad this evening

chrrybmbnyc: another compliment

chrrybmbnyc: you’re on a roll

SoftLord: i mean what i say and i say what i mean

chrrybmbnyc: appealing attribute

SoftLord: lying is too much work to keep track of…

chrrybmbnyc: the women protests too much

SoftLord: hm?

chrrybmbnyc: seems like you’re trying to establish your honesty

chrrybmbnyc: or just kissing ass

SoftLord: oh… some of both i suppose 🙂

chrrybmbnyc: now I have a compliment for you

chrrybmbnyc: hhhmmmm chat with Jeremy or savor some carrot cake?

chrrybmbnyc: chat with Jeremy

SoftLord: wow…

chrrybmbnyc: it’s not chocolate cake though

SoftLord: man… i’d have a tough decision with

SoftLord: oh i know…but i loooooooove carrot

SoftLord: tell me, car

SoftLord: does it have…

SoftLord: cream cheese frosting?

chrrybmbnyc: extra creamy frosting with nuts

SoftLord: wow…and you’d rather chat with me
than wrap your mouth around extra creamy
frosting with nuts

chrrybmbnyc: for now anyway

chrrybmbnyc: would you do the same???

SoftLord: i have to admit, this is one of those
most… stimulating conversations i’ve had in a
long while

SoftLord: and i did not mean that purely in the
innuendo-filled sense

chrrybmbnyc: *smile* *squeeze*

SoftLord: you do good work 🙂

chrrybmbnyc: I try to please first

SoftLord: as do i

chrrybmbnyc: a dominant pleaser

chrrybmbnyc: my type of fun

SoftLord: dominant sometimes… power is an
interesting thing

chrrybmbnyc: one is compelled to exert power and
subject themselves to power

chrrybmbnyc: at the same time

SoftLord: and yet we tend to not like being
controlled…or having the power used to control

SoftLord: indirectly

chrrybmbnyc: the real balance is to use power to
influence and titilate NOT control

SoftLord: right… for both persons advantage, and
not just to get what you want

SoftLord: so people dont resent you

chrrybmbnyc: and you don’t resent yourself

chrrybmbnyc: pretty wise for your age

SoftLord: yes

chrrybmbnyc: why is that????

SoftLord: only child

SoftLord: always been mature for my age

chrrybmbnyc: makes sense

chrrybmbnyc: should have pegged you for an only

SoftLord: you can peg me for whatever you like 🙂

chrrybmbnyc: but I want to know that I’m on the right

SoftLord: which path is that?

chrrybmbnyc: path to the real Jeremy Meyers

SoftLord: i try my best to always be "real"… dont
always succeed.. but i try…

chrrybmbnyc: I’m pretty observant

SoftLord: yes you are

chrrybmbnyc: can’t kick my interests

chrrybmbnyc: got a phone call – will be back

SoftLord: as kyle mclachlan would say….alrightie

chrrybmbnyc: clever reference

chrrybmbnyc: bye

SoftLord: thoguht youd like that

SoftLord: that’d better be a work-related call,
missy! 😛

Auto response from chrrybmbnyc: I am away from
my computer right now.

Written by admin

July 25th, 2003 at 9:48 am

Posted in Carlin Drama

nerva re: Nice Guy

leave a comment

SoftLord: why are women such obnoxious teases
with no follow through…is it purely to make me go

NervaVels: methinks it’s ’cause it gives us a
sense of power.

SoftLord: its just mean

SoftLord: if i get you so wet jsut fuck me…jeezus

SoftLord: seems like all i get nowadays

SoftLord: ‘let me make out with you when i’m
drunk and then worry about losing the friendship’
‘let me cancel plans to meet up and then tell you
in vivid detail how you let some other friend of
yours do you from behind’

NervaVels: okay, that’s just fucking wrong.

NervaVels: THAT is done to make a person
stop liking you.

SoftLord: two different people mind you

SoftLord: why are women so cruel to me?

NervaVels: I hate to tell you this, but women
are gnerally cruel. We’re so used to
assholes that we treat men very badly when
they’re good to us.

NervaVels: a lamentable thing tiat I also
unfortunately fall into.

SoftLord: how do they think men get to be
assholes in the first place

SoftLord: cause of shit like this

SoftLord: i’m really starting to crack.

SoftLord: sorry nervy didn’t mean to unload on
you i’m just having a rough nightg

NervaVels: you gotta be a sorta asshole.
Adrian just won’t play those games. shuts a
woman (aka, has shut me down) damn quick.

NervaVels: it’s okay.

NervaVels: I deserve feeling guilty; i’ve done that sort of thing to other really good men (and then slept with abusers….. )

SoftLord: yeah well what the fuck

SoftLord: its entirely not worth it to have any character whatsoever

SoftLord: cause all i get is abused or i get psycho stalkers

SoftLord: in fact its WORSE to have character

SoftLord: and it never gets any better

NervaVels: I know you’re not actively looking; but methinks you’re going to have to be a bit standoffish or something – I just don’t
know… pay attention to different women? I don’t know.. <hugs> I’m sorry.

SoftLord: you wanna count the number of ‘girlfriends’ i’ve had this past two years compared to the number pauls had?

NervaVels: paul has a gimmick.

SoftLord: what…he’s hung and has no idea what to do with it?

SoftLord: here’s a gimmick…i dont treat people like fucking blow up dolls

SoftLord: maybe i should start

SoftLord: that it… i’m not calling people back… ever.

NervaVels: paul and his melodrama. whatever. You need to lose that crowd.

SoftLord: well he’s just an arbitrary asshole

NervaVels: one amongst many?

NervaVels: not that I don’t like them…. you just don’t need to compare yourself to them.

SoftLord: yeah … i’m better than that?

SoftLord: and where the fuck does it get me

SoftLord: here’s a story for you

SoftLord: friend of mine who i know from new orleans introduces me on the phone to this friend of hers… we chat, get flirty… start talkin online…
get to cybersexin pretty regularly… so i plan to fly down there to hang out in the down and to… see her…. so two weeks before, she idly
mentions that she was hanging out with her new boyfriend… so i’m like.. .’okay whatever this wont happen’ so i cancel the plane reservations…
since then she’s broken up with her boyfriend, and tonight was telling me in vivid detail about her exploits with a friend of hers this weekend….
about how he was the first to do her from behind… or whatever….i was supposed to go down there this tuesday

NervaVels: THAT is a bitch.

SoftLord: yes…i wish it was unusual

SoftLord: i dont even want to get into my relationship with alex lately’

NervaVels: oh hon! I’m so sad! I wish there were a way to make things change for you – or at least make the girls see how cruel it is.
but only time does that … and if what I had happen to me tells me anytying, they will be sorry. but it won’t do you any good. 🙁

SoftLord: of course nto

SoftLord: not

SoftLord: why arent they cruel to the people who actually DO treat them like crap

NervaVels: the psychology of perversity. they want what they cna’t have – respect from a dirtball.

SoftLord: so people who arent dirtballs, that women CLAIM they want… should just crawl into a masturbatory coma and die

NervaVels: no… no don’t do that.

SoftLord: whats the fucking point, nervy

SoftLord: apparently i’m looking for something that doesn’t exist in reality but only in womens fantasies that dont translate

NervaVels: you’re looking at a very limited substrata of women.

SoftLord: this life does not make me want to explore more options

NervaVels: you’re still young. please remember and believe that.

SoftLord: it just makes me feel like such a loser

SoftLord: for not being a loser

SoftLord: you see why it makes my brain hurt?

NervaVels: A. stop being nice. be nice only to those who EARN it. B. don’t expect a damn thing from anyone – they’re all ungrateful
whiny people. Just be yourself C. enjoy whatever you can at the moment. and C. Don’t let it get you down. Okay, let it affect you
sometimes. not all the times.

SoftLord: yeah but i think i’m too old to still be at this level of relationship development…. i dunno

NervaVels: OLD???? EXCUSE ME????

SoftLord: please nervy… dont use the "i’m older than you, so you cant say anything about being old" thing…its tired

SoftLord: i’m not feeling old… i’m jsut feeling like the things i’m dealing with are high school problems that i didn’t get to have…

NervaVels: But I deal/dealt with them too!

NervaVels: there’s no age limit to these things!

NervaVels: Puh-leeze! people just don’t grow up ’cause they leave school and get jobs..

NervaVels: age doesn’t mean maturity.

SoftLord: nos thi

SoftLord: no shit

SoftLord: i just dont know what to do anymore

NervaVels: just keep going. what you have to do, if you want, is just leave people behind. give up those who are just fucking with
you. at some point stuff changes. It HAS to; nothing stays the same for too long. You grow, you change, and someone out there
will be right. It may not last, bt nothing does.

SoftLord: on the one hand, how i deal with people isn’t getting the results i’d like… on the other hand… as Michael Bolton from office space says
"why should i change my name? he’s the one who sucks!"

NervaVels: LOL

NervaVels: that’s true… but you’ll adapt and adjust – listen, this may not work for you, but I had to reinvent myself. I HAD to; I was
getting into really bad situations. It just happens that you’ll see that it’s either something you do, or the people you surround
yourself with, that affects yoru life adversely, and you’ll have the maturity to rid yourself of them or it.

SoftLord: yeah but do you think who i am is that bad?

SoftLord: i dunno.. i think if i was someoen else i’d probably try to be someone pretty close to who i am now

SoftLord: its like… i’m juswt getting to the point of self-confidence and then i find out what i’m being confident about is wrong

NervaVels: no. it’s not who you are.

NervaVels: Are you sure that what youre being confident about is wrong, or that other perceptions invade your own?

SoftLord: ?

NervaVels: waht makes you so sure taht you’re wrong

SoftLord: you just said… maybe i have to reinvent myself

NervaVels: no, I said that may not be what you ahve to do, but that’s what I did. and I didn’t change my basic personality – just the
people I hung with, and the way I related to people.

NervaVels: YOU are who you are. But what depresses you isn’t who you are, but how otheres are reacting to you.

NervaVels: which means, perhpas, that you need to change that circle, or change the way you reelate to that circle.

SoftLord: but its even with new people

SoftLord: can i have a new body and start over?

NervaVels: listen to me, like if I ahve all the answers. Just think about what you WANT people to see, and how you present yourself.
And see if that can change, so that people can stop taking advantage of you. You’re NOT a loser; but those who react negatively
ARE, becahse they have no concept of anyting outside their own little narrow mindsent.

NervaVels: mindset.

NervaVels: gah. no, you have an adorable body. Okay, so I can’t clone myself!

SoftLord: you cant clone yourself?

NervaVels: well, I seem to ahve done so twice, but they’re flawed….

SoftLord: i didn’t mean cause i dont like the one i have… i meant so i can start over without 5 year of "nice asexual nonthreating doormat"
reputation to deal with

SoftLord: nobody’s perfect

NervaVels: this sounds wrong, but just gotta try to change that nice image. oh bother. I got more attention being a bitch than being
nice… so you see how people work.

NervaVels: Jeremy, you aren’t a doormat. People may be treating you like that, but that’s their loss. Use it as a training tool, and to
hell with them.

SoftLord: it all makes my brain hurt

NervaVels: give your brain a rest. muahs and peace. I have to give my body a rest now; my agony starts anew tomorrow with idiot
bosses and assholes.

SoftLord: if i’m nice, people take advantage…. if i’m an ass, people will either not deal with me at all, or respond with attraction to something i’m
not, really…

NervaVels: nice has to be turned into something that is still you, still good, but not accessible to all.

NervaVels: go to bed. dwell on happier lighter things. like music.

NervaVels: muahs.

SoftLord: sad

SoftLord: that nice has to be turned into something

NervaVels: I know.

SoftLord: i wonder if it was ever a good thing

NervaVels: nice? yes.

NervaVels: but like me, in that sense, you have to become harder or someone will destroy you. selfishly.

SoftLord: people are chipping away without even realizing it

SoftLord: or doing it maliciously

SoftLord: it just feels like a step in the wrong direction, ya know?

NervaVels: some do it maliciously, and sme are just fuckedup and need to have otheres around them.

NervaVels: well, if it does, then don’t change the nice. Change the approach. perhaps?

NervaVels: change the scenery?

NervaVels: something has t ochange. You’re feeling deadended.

SoftLord: yes… i dont know what, tho… or how

SoftLord: i’m a taurus…change baaad

NervaVels: it will happen. argh. goodnight, you bullheaded boy! LOL

NervaVels: this old lady needs her rest!

SoftLord: 🙁

SoftLord: thanks for listening as always… love and hugs

NervaVels: love and hugs, and I’ll be around tomorrow eve to listen more. Muahs!

NervaVels signed off at 10:58:16 P.

Written by admin

July 10th, 2003 at 9:04 am

Posted in Women