Private Journal – Keep Out.

A Summary

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I’ve been chatting with a couple of my trusted friends about my last
couple of weeks, and have had to tell the general story over and
over… so, for the benefit of no one in particular, a summary of whats
going on.
===== i tend to rush into things really fast.. .and i kinda had like…
a breakdown cause i didn’t really know where things were going after a
month and a half…and i wanted to be further along…. couldn’t go to
work for half of the week before this.. etc etc..
her ex is also her business partner…and he’s nuts… so like…when
we were out where he was we’d have to like… hide in order to make out
or whatever…she “has to maintain a public image to get stuff
done”…couldn’t be bf/gf-y.. and like.. we were only seeing each other
maybe once a week at public stuff…and i’m all about like… sitting
at home and cooking dinner and hangin out and watching dvds and so she
seemed fine with where we were… thought we were being ‘intense’ for
so early on… so we had a long conversation about it…about where i
wanted to be and where she was comfortable being… no conclusions
reached…but after that things didn’t go too well for me… the whole
depressive break thing…spent most of wednesday before this hiding in
an office at work crying
its okay… i had like a week of depressive hell… went to therapy
monday… have another appointment this coming monday… things have
changed quickly this week though… she no longer works at that
place… she got into a physical altercation with the ex and
resigned…. looking for a new job… and a lot of the issues we had
(or i had) were because of all the stuff with her job… so we’ll see i
guess.. .still not quite sure where we are or supposed to be…but
trying not to stress it that much… besides work dicking me around
about a raise i’ve been owed for the last year…it all became totally
overwhelming .. i just wanna be someone she can open up to and feel
safe with ya know… i’m mushy like that … i suck at the beginnings
of things like this…i just want to skip ’em…cause i guess its
important to me to know whether i’m as important to someone as they are
to me
So there you go…
Trying not to stress… haven’t seen the girl in two weeks… she’s
focusing on sending out resumes everywhere to find a job… i think
this will change things, i hope for the better… not sure how high up
to place this stuff in my ‘world priority’ list… i guess if its too
high up i end up obsessing… but i dont not care…
we’ll see…we’ll see.

Written by admin

October 25th, 2003 at 4:41 pm

Posted in Uncategorized