Private Journal – Keep Out.

Archive for October, 2003

It’s All About…

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It’s all about real connection.
Connection between people, connection to a job, to an industry, to
music. Without connection we have nothing. A connection for the wrong
reasons is worse than no connection at all
What a waste of what could have been.
You came out on top.
Maybe someday you’ll make someone the luckiest person on the planet.
You won’t be on top.
But somehow, you will be.
Funny how that works.
Maybe someday you’ll find out.
I hope you do.
Its a nice feeling.
I should know.
I just had it for a second.
What could have been.
What a waste.

Written by admin

October 15th, 2003 at 8:41 pm

Posted in Poetry

A Letter

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I really can’t continue like this. I think I’ve made my feelings for you
very clear. I’m not really clear on why what Ed thinks has any bearing on
our interaction. I just think that I deserve to know where we stand in your
mind and whether we are headed in the same direction. I can’t take being
kept in the dark about your intentions.

I really dont feel like I can invest any more of my emotions and love if
this isn’t going to go anywhere… And since I haven’t even been able to get
a straight answer from you about your intentions with this thing, I think
that kinda speaks for itself.

It seems a shame to me to waste something that obviously means at least
something to both of us, but so be it.

Please know that I do and always will care deeply for you, and (not that you
need the ego boost) you’re an amazing person, and I hope you find what
you’re looking for, with whomever it may be. There’s nothing you can’t do,
and I will always admire that about you.

My Love Always,


Written by admin

October 15th, 2003 at 12:23 am

Posted in Carlin Drama


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chrrybmbnyc: hell0o
hyperthetical: hey
chrrybmbnyc: i love it when the city is empt
chrrybmbnyc: empty
hyperthetical: yes
hyperthetical: so whats the deal with you and ed?
chrrybmbnyc: well we used to live together and now we don’t. we’re business partners. and sometimes ed chills at my house for the weekend
hyperthetical: that IM convo was not exactly heartwarming 😛
hyperthetical: plus i wanted to see kill bill wif ya :/
chrrybmbnyc: it was ok. maybe i wasn’t in the mood. i was kind of bored by the end
hyperthetical: wasn’t the point of the statement
chrrybmbnyc: well if it’s any consolation technically i’m still married
hyperthetical: thats a different thing…its not like yuo’re particularly social with that one
hyperthetical: and thats just waiting on legal proceedings, as you said
chrrybmbnyc: this is a sore issue for you
hyperthetical: yeah… i dunno… i just dont like feeling like i’m being kept in the dark or dicked around… you know my thing with honesty… i thought i’d bring it up with you directly…especially since you didn’t hang out with me all weekend cause you had patent stuff to do and then ended up hangin out all weekend with stuff that i wanted to do wif ya
chrrybmbnyc: jeremy you need to know that I’m a great friend, lover, buddy whatever but a horrible girlfriend. my time is not my own and my focus is all business. i like to just spend time with people i like – not define things. better for an aries
chrrybmbnyc: if you have a question just ask me
hyperthetical: trying to phrase the thought succinctly
chrrybmbnyc: ok
hyperthetical: i’m not asking you to put me ahead of your work… i admire your dedication to your company, i do… i just think that maybe i should factor in a little above ex-boys and dinners with slimy lawyers… you’ve become very important to me, and i think i deserve similar consideration… you’re not likely to come across someone like me anytime soon… i dont mean that to sound arrogant, i’m just saying… its not a jealousy thing, you can spend time with whoever you want, i trust you… its just a matter of what he said, and how we dont seem to ever have time to really connect… as i said, you’re someone special to me and i’d like to really do somethin here…
hyperthetical: guess that wasn’t as succinct as i was going for
chrrybmbnyc: like the arrogance. why do you think i spend as much time with you as i do. now it’s going to sound arrogant on my part but there are so many people in my life that i have to make time for and no matter what someone’s pissed at me. just trying to get my business to the next level so I can take a breath
hyperthetical: i dont think i’m askin for too much… i just wanna come in third, after work and family (in whichever order you’d like)… a lot of people would resent the dedication you have to your job… i understand that there are a lot of demands on your time… prioritize :-P… i’m not askin for your business time… just some of your social time and maybe a tiny piece of your heart…. so when you tell me i shouldn’t go to Show because I’d hate it there, you miss the point… the point is i get to spend time with you… the venue is irrelivant… i can make my own fun wherever i may be… the point is bein together… so tell me to be patient and i’ll have more of your attention and I will… but i just want to feel like i’m special to you like you’re special to me, and thinks like ed’s IM (however he meant it) does not do that.
hyperthetical: thinGs
chrrybmbnyc: got your point. well that YRB thing is tomorrow night. it’s going to be raining like crazy but what the hell
hyperthetical: true…
hyperthetical: however
hyperthetical: i can’t go :/
hyperthetical: cause my gig is tomorrow
hyperthetical: so yeah… just needed to say that… feel free to respond as you see fit.. was buggin me most of the weekend
chrrybmbnyc: that’s right. perfect. what time does your thing start???
hyperthetical: 9
chrrybmbnyc: YRB starts @ 7:00 so that works
hyperthetical: cool
hyperthetical: i’m cold
chrrybmbnyc: too much air conditioning
hyperthetical: not sure… nobody else seems to be as cold as i am
hyperthetical: maybe i’m dying
chrrybmbnyc: hope you’re ‘not getting sick
chrrybmbnyc: you see a bright light when you’re dying
hyperthetical: my lights are off, so i guess thats not it
chrrybmbnyc: ha ha
hyperthetical: tho that might be why i’m cold
hyperthetical: and it all comes full circle
chrrybmbnyc: maybe it’s the black t-shirt with a clever saying
hyperthetical: possibly
chrrybmbnyc: you’re what
hyperthetical: possibly its the black t-shirt thing
hyperthetical: but i think i’d be used to it by now 😛
chrrybmbnyc: one would hope
hyperthetical: yaes
hyperthetical: whatchaupta?
hyperthetical: i’ve been in a wacky mood all weekend… didn’t mean to take it all out on you… might head home a little early today

Written by admin

October 13th, 2003 at 10:25 am

TVT Letter

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I really don’t like to have to do this. You both know how much I enjoy what I do at TVT. But it hit me again as I was rushing to set up Steve’s laptop for his trip to Miami that I was given a half-hours notice on, ripping a CD for Amy, talking to Live365, AOL, Apple and Peavey on IM and being harassed by Jackie and Dah Millz about their phone problems that I’m currently getting paid less than I did when I was a contract worker redesigning the intranet for Ramsey.

This is insane. I deserve better treatment than this. I’ve been playing the game and trying to go with the flow for awhile now, hoping that It’d come through like you guys have been saying it would; ‘momentarily’. All it has gotten me is a bitchslap from Steve in the form of “I know you’re supposed to be getting more money, but until I think that you’re doing more to get stories for the intranet I’m not signing off on it”. This was by no stretch of the imagination is anything other than a bitchslap.

I’ve been playing it how he wants it, bothering him every day for news stories. Sometimes I even get them, sometimes not; they’re his rules.

There are many things I will put up with. I try to have a sense of humor and keep some perspective about it all. But one of the few things I cannot tolerate is being disrespected for my efforts. And this is now reaching the point where the only reason things aren’t moving forward is because you or Steve feel like you can continue to delay indefinitely.

So here’s the deal, and hopefully this will set a fire under the proverbial asses.

This needs to be resolved by the end of this month to my satisfaction, or I will find somewhere else to employ myself. Good luck finding someone who’ll do what I do for what I’m getting in return.

I want to make this clear that this is not a personal issue, and I appreciate all the efforts that both of you have put forth in trying to move this forward. I just feel that something needs to be done to impress upon the power that be the importance of this situation. For my own self-respect, let’s resolve this.

Thanks for all your help in this matter.


Written by admin

October 10th, 2003 at 9:53 pm

Posted in TVT