Private Journal – Keep Out.

Confrontation, part the first.

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Not exactly giving me a ton of hope for natural talent.
i gave it a shot tonight and…
Diddlms: my heart hurts
SoftLord: okay
Diddlms: okay?
SoftLord: well what would you like me to say
Diddlms: nothing
SoftLord: something i can do to help?
Diddlms: guess not
SoftLord: er…okay
Diddlms: feel like shit
SoftLord: i didn’t get home til 10
Diddlms: ah
Diddlms: suxs big ballz
SoftLord: i wasn’t nearly done
Diddlms: sucks alt
SoftLord: *shrug* i’ll deal
SoftLord: its the only time i can get any work done
SoftLord: and the week’s almost half over…wooo
Diddlms: yeah what ever i feel like so roller coaster
Diddlms: i dont even know what i wanna do this weekend anymore
Diddlms: i hate it
SoftLord: well, we have plans friday.
Diddlms: if i still feelin it i dont intend on goin out upset
SoftLord: i will be very upset if you cancel on me twice in one week
after making plans.
Diddlms: yeah well if you cant understand how im feeling lately then
what the fuck. i dont wanna dis but i just dont feel like being
anywhere but my room lately
Diddlms: clearly im not been good actually less than good lately
Diddlms: tonight i was less than that im sorry if you dont understand i
feel very alone in my head im trying to deal SoftLord: i can understand
how you’re feeling. it’s just unfair to me. i want to spend time with
you and i think we cheer each other up hwen we’re together, but flaking
on plans we’ve made is irrespinsible and disrespectful to me
SoftLord: and that doesn’t mean i dont understand how you feel
SoftLord: or appreciate it
Diddlms: im not trying to be fucked up but im depressd ive admitted it
i feel like shit worse than that and i dunno if being with friends has
even helped SoftLord: so would you like to cancel our plans, then?
Diddlms: like i said i dunno yet. i feel like i dunno what i feel
anymore. so if you can handle we can make it solid friday im not saying
their canecelled im saying i cant deal with anything lately is all
Diddlms: i need to go to bed today has just been too much for me i need
to end it here. we shall chat at work tomorrow
Diddlms signed off at 11:18:40 P. ====
followed up with this email:
i understand how you’ve been feeling and i am here for you, but you
have to understand how it makes me feel to consistantly have plans
cancelled. I’ve been there for you through your hard times, and it’s no
chore for me, but when what I get in return is constant flaking of
plans, it means I’m being mistreated, whether intentional or not. And I
need to not be mistreated.
I know you’re going through a rough time, and if that means that you
can’t or donā€™t want to spend time with me that’s one thing, but when
we make solid plans then I expect them to happen, barring an emergency
Love you always

doesnt seem like it was very effective… baby steps.

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Written by admin

January 13th, 2004 at 11:59 pm

Posted in Alex