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Private Journal – Keep Out.

Perspectives

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Almost cried while going home… I feel coreless… like i’m built on
nothing… only its more removed than that… i feel like i’ve
convinced myself that i’m built on nothing for so long that its become
closer to true than is really okay…. usually i can push these
feelings to the side so they integrate, but talking about them rattles
things up… always fun to have multiple levels of feelings going on…
nature of reality and all that…if you believe something to be true,
that makes it true… and questioning the nature of the truth shakes
things up… to the core…
but as i said… i dont feel like i have one of those.
on the upside, it does lead to some pretty swell poetry.
====
RadioTrixie: hey sweetie
SoftLord: whatsup kitten
RadioTrixie: not much RadioTrixie: how are you?
SoftLord: crappy, but i’ll manage
RadioTrixie: awww sweets. whats goin on?
SoftLord: nothin….just…therapy…bringin up some old
stuff…recognizing patterns…
RadioTrixie: :-\
SoftLord: how my self-worth is basically nil
RadioTrixie: well i love you
SoftLord: thanks that means a lot
SoftLord: its weird…its not like…my self-esteem..i know i have a
lot going for me and such
SoftLord: its just like… i feel like how people treat me doesn’t
really matter, cause i dont really matter
SoftLord: even tho i know intellectually that thats an unhealthy
viewpoint
SoftLord: its just very ingrained into how i deal with things
SoftLord: why i can’t confront people
RadioTrixie: you have to go by the diana rule: everyone sucks until
they prove themselves worthy. SoftLord: why i dont really connect with
people
SoftLord: yes but even the people who make the worthy list take
advantage of me RadioTrixie: :-\
SoftLord: because as i said..idont matter
RadioTrixie: you feel like you dont matter. regardless of what you
think, you DO matter.
SoftLord: yes i know, but thats the same thing isn’t it
SoftLord: we are what we feel…we are our perspectives on ourselves
RadioTrixie: gotta go with life as it unrolls jeremy

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Written by admin

February 3rd, 2004 at 1:50 am

Posted in Uncategorized