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Revelations

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I’m bored. Bored beyond any reasonable expectation of being bored. Bored on new multi-dimensional levels. Bored of being bored of being bored.

Bored of people and their endless predictability. Bored of people who think their situations are unique. Bored of the same poeple going through the same stuff.

Bored of my house, bored of how things look, bored of being called a nice guy, bored of not getting laid, bored of my rules, bored of being bored of my rules.

Bored of not having my life for me, or being in control…bored of only having control of me and not of my life… bored of having the potential power to manipulate other people because they’re so fucking predictable and not using it, bored of being nice bored of being a doormat bored of not doing what i want to do and fuck everyone else bored of thinking it would be arrogant to think of my own interests before other peoples bored of complaining bored of talking about it bored of routine bored of changing routines into some other boring routine bored of talking about it bored of talking about it bored of fucking talking about it bored of spinning my wheels bored of life being so FUCKING EASY.

But is the only other option having life be hard? I’m bored of that too.

Bored of my life containing fulfilling elements and not being fulfilling, bored of not adding up to enough to keep me from getting bored bored of sitting in front of a computer 18 hours a day bored of the same fucking piles of shit everywhere bored of cleaning bored of making a mess bored of sending emails and giving away CD players and watching people on TV be bored and hearing people sing about being bored. You don’t fucking know bored. I’m bored in ways you can’t begin to fathom.

Bored of people wanting me to be happy bored of not knowing what to say to them bored of making excuses bored of not knowing how i feel bored of feeling nothing bored of taking it bored of dishing it out bored of collecting bored of it all means shit bored of the same stuff as when i was five but not wanting to move bored of odl stuff bored of new stuff being old stuff in new packaging bored of beautiful people with no self-worth bored of people saying they are something when they’re quite obviously something eles but wont know it for another 5 years bored of knowing this about people bored of saying ‘i told you so’ bored of being above with no peers bored of not wanting to be one of them bored of wanting to be more like them bored of us vs. them bored of boredom bored of music bored of movies bored of IM bored of ruts. bored of rust.
Bored on new and previously unexplored levels.

Bored of not having an outlet bored of hearing myself think bored of taking my time bored of waiting on outside influnces bored of lucky streak bored of things being easy bored of things being difficult bored of everything everyone does being the fucking same. And she’s going to say “well you really mean that about yourself, not other people”. I’m bored of that too.

Bored of not having vices bored of my vice being not having any vices bored of not getting high bored of not having a distraction like everyone else bored of reality bored of fantasy i just want to trash my fucking house and start over but that would be just like something someone else did. It’s all been done before, even this rant.

People are so easy. Psycho is better than easy.]

And it makes me fucking mad that that’s what I’ve left myself with because i’m so fucking bored..

Whats new for me?

FUCK.

—- Addendum —–
Bored of not letting myself do anything stupid. Bored of having other people talk me out of doing stupid human things.

Question: What would replace ‘bored’ in most of the above statements? or is it really bored.

I’m bored of writing about being bored.

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Written by admin

May 10th, 2004 at 7:50 pm

Posted in Uncategorized