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Private Journal – Keep Out.

Archive for November, 2004

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Well, i flaked on mom for thanksgiving on Friday. I dont’ even know exactly why. I think it’s some combination of factors

– my avoidannce of going outside during days when i don’t have work
– tthat’s not my family
– some lingering resentment because she left, even though dont blame her for not wanting to stay in the situation, she’s still the one who left.

I need to learn how to blame my parents for the things that went on so that i can resolve it, i’m still defending them in my head….

i feel like i’m falling behind and that i need to have gotten past this stage already

also that progress is slowing down

but at least i’m on a track.

I also need to accept that i’m going to feel empty right now and that no amount of overeating or other compulsive behavior is gonna change that. I just think that i’ve suffered enough, and its scary to think that i’d need to go back to that place in order to get past it, though I seemingly continue to put myself in situations where i’m alone and find reasons to avoid situations where i’m not.

I have hangout time scheduled with a few people this week sorta, maybe that will help me.

Written by admin

November 28th, 2004 at 9:35 pm

Posted in Family