Private Journal – Keep Out.

Dear Mom

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This is my attempt to explain the circumstances behind the events post-thanksgiving.

As you have probably noticed (or maybe not), I tend to not feel comfortable with events traditionally associated with family, since the breakup of what i consider to be my ‘real’ family.

I think a large part of why I didn’t tell you that I wasn’t going to show was that I felt like you needed to know that I have a lot of anger and hurt left over from when you left here, and the general turbulance of my adolescent years at home. Although I understand that you had to leave and that it was ultimately for the best for you, I still felt and to some extent still do feel like I was abandoned.

I know that we have both grown as people and some of these feelings are from a long time ago, but I still feel them enough to have them manifest in things like making plans for family-related events and then not showing up to them. You see, that’s not what’s in my brain and emotions as “my family”. My family is gone. And to let my guard down and enjoy a situation like that would be a betrayal of what I consider to be my true familiy, even though that unit does not exist anymore.

So maybe I did want you to feel some of what I felt when you left. It feels strange to me to be admitting this after so long, and I’m glad we’re as close as we are now, but I just thought I should let you know where I’m coming from when things like that happen.

I’m not sure whether there’s anything to be done about this situation right now, but there it is.

Thank you for helping me get to a point in which I can share this with you.

I have more to say, but that will have to wait for another time.

My love always,


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Written by admin

December 15th, 2004 at 2:06 am

Posted in Family