Private Journal – Keep Out.

Family Pre-Move

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hyperthetical (11:15:14 AM): hey
StillwelNY (11:15:17 AM): hi
StillwelNY (11:15:21 AM): pretty day huh?
hyperthetical (11:15:44 AM): didn’t really notice
StillwelNY (11:16:33 AM): i read your journal – i gather he believes you are paying rent but gives it no significance
StillwelNY (11:17:02 AM): and that he will think about it – not sure if that is a way of putting you off or really will

hyperthetical (11:20:33 AM): he brought you up in the rent part of it
hyperthetical (11:20:42 AM): ‘i dont know what she told you but it doesn’t matter’ something like thta
hyperthetical (11:20:43 AM): that
StillwelNY (11:21:42 AM): could never figure out his paranoia
hyperthetical (11:22:11 AM): apparently he doesn’t want the house turning into a crash pad
hyperthetical (11:22:14 AM): whatever the hell that means
StillwelNY (11:22:52 AM): once again think that he is fearful and paranoid – so whatever his fear and paranoia evoke???

hyperthetical (11:25:35 AM): i was starting to feel so much better about my life and this just took me right back to when iwas 15

hyperthetical (11:25:56 AM): he denied having hit me more than once, didn’t remember yelling at me in front of my friends

StillwelNY (11:28:57 AM): in my opinion, you are not going to change him very much – you are going to have to get your needs taken care by negotiating from a place of strength

hyperthetical (11:29:19 AM): i told him i would try to take his concerns into account
StillwelNY (11:29:33 AM): that is a good start
hyperthetical (11:29:34 AM): i mean what can i do…invite people over and have them yelled at and kicked out?
StillwelNY (11:31:24 AM): perhaps you can tell him not to yell at your friends and then do a practice run with somebody that will not get crazy when he yells like Sue

StillwelNY (11:31:38 AM): assuming she doesn’t
hyperthetical (11:31:47 AM): sue doesn’t want to spend any more time there thanshe absolutely has to
hyperthetical (11:31:57 AM): plus she’s not back til june at the earliest
hyperthetical (11:32:09 AM): i dont feel like i can have any kind of a social life that doesn’t involve avoiding going home

StillwelNY (11:32:24 AM): how often is charly away
hyperthetical (11:32:32 AM): not often enough
StillwelNY (11:32:36 AM): and do you know if advance
StillwelNY (11:32:44 AM): and do you know in advance
hyperthetical (11:32:48 AM): a couple of days sometimes
hyperthetical (11:33:03 AM): and i’m 26, i shouldn’t hav eto plan my ability to have friends around when my dad is out of the house

StillwelNY (11:33:43 AM): because you dad is not normal — so you can not get rational behavior from him
StillwelNY (11:33:59 AM): he does not seem to be able to control his temper
hyperthetical (11:34:45 AM): if it was based on some understandable rationale, like if we were screaming and banging pots and pans at 3 in the morning

StillwelNY (11:35:26 AM): but his behavior is not based on rational –
hyperthetical (11:35:35 AM): no shit
StillwelNY (11:36:52 AM): so you have a situation or dilema — very objectively speaking — where you are living in a great place with a great rent the only drawback is you share it with a lunatic who happens to be your father

hyperthetical (11:37:15 AM): i think share is overstating it
StillwelNY (11:37:26 AM): inhabit it
StillwelNY (11:38:02 AM): so if you start from that premise, you can plan your options
StillwelNY (11:38:23 AM): but i do not think you are going to change c’s behavior
StillwelNY (11:47:59 AM): did i say something wrong or are you busy?
hyperthetical (11:53:27 AM): sorry was in a mtg
hyperthetical (11:53:37 AM): you’re still trying to get me to move out
StillwelNY (11:54:24 AM): one mo
StillwelNY (11:57:02 AM): i don’t think that i have any motive – i am just trying to be a reality check
StillwelNY (11:58:42 AM): it is apparently a very emotional situation for you — i think it would be helpful to look at it more objectively and examine options. — like perhaps build a whole separate area in the loft — like splitting it in two

StillwelNY (11:59:35 AM): i appreciate what a good deal it is and hard it will be to find a comparable space or even a decent space

StillwelNY (12:00:20 PM): so there needs to be some creative thinking going on instead of battling with C because that is like banging your head against the wall

hyperthetical (12:00:53 PM): i would not mind splitting the loft up with separate entrances i just think it would be very expensive

hyperthetical (12:02:45 PM): john’s space looks really nice
StillwelNY (12:02:58 PM): then do the numbers — how much would it cost to be in another place – like $2500/ month — which is like $30,000 / year in two years 60,000. You could take out a loan and probably be ahead of the game — or i am giving this example on how to think about it

hyperthetical (12:03:44 PM): i wouldn’t know how to start
hyperthetical (12:03:50 PM): er… i dont know how to start
hyperthetical (12:03:55 PM): and technically
hyperthetical (12:03:59 PM): at least according to dad
hyperthetical (12:04:05 PM): i have no rights in terms of being able to do something like that
StillwelNY (12:04:13 PM): but I do
hyperthetical (12:05:16 PM): yes
StillwelNY (12:05:18 PM): i think we can discuss all of the options
hyperthetical (12:05:23 PM): so i would need your help
StillwelNY (12:05:59 PM): so maybe we can help eachother
hyperthetical (12:06:33 PM): what can i help with
StillwelNY (12:07:37 PM): i do not have any concrete answers right now — we can discuss all of the possibilities and ramifications.

hyperthetical (12:07:50 PM): i would appreciate it
hyperthetical (12:08:11 PM): i dont really have other people in my life i can talk to about important stuff
StillwelNY (12:08:11 PM): But i think the important part for you now is to try to deal with the charley part of it
StillwelNY (12:08:37 PM): well then i am here for that —
StillwelNY (12:08:46 PM): and i am a business person too
StillwelNY (12:09:25 PM): by the charly part i mean to see the reality of the situation — in case you do not already
StillwelNY (12:10:54 PM): you have mary ruth — she is a very practical person as well as a therapist
StillwelNY (12:11:08 PM): i look at her as my coach now
hyperthetical (12:12:17 PM): yes but that isnt’ really emotional support
StillwelNY (12:13:07 PM): why not
StillwelNY (12:13:26 PM): you mean the coach part 0r mary ruth in general?
hyperthetical (12:14:19 PM): the relationship with have
hyperthetical (12:15:35 PM): relationship we have
hyperthetical (12:15:52 PM): is not like… emotional support its more practical ya know?
hyperthetical (12:16:10 PM): theres no love or caring for me
hyperthetical (12:16:15 PM): which is fine i wouldn’t expect it
hyperthetical (12:16:34 PM): brb
StillwelNY (12:17:57 PM): k
hyperthetical (12:21:57 PM): back
hyperthetical (12:23:54 PM): i do think splitting things up would be a good solution
“StillwelNY” has stopped using the computer at 12:31:50 PM, and is now considered idle.

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Written by admin

February 22nd, 2005 at 10:02 am

Posted in Family

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