Private Journal – Keep Out.

Archive for June, 2006

another “…” weekend.

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I hate weekends.. I get stuck sitting at home when i want to be out being social like other people, but somethow i’m still stuck in the “:look at how miserable i can be” pissing contests that i was in when i was living at home… i even make plans and then dont show up for them because who woudl want me to hang out with them. i cant’ believe i’m still suck on that BS. i sit here and i know that if i went tat i’d have a good time but still i let people down… i think maybe thats part of it, the letting people down thing, its a surefire way of getting someones attention, just like in the old days. I guess i really should go back to therapy…just when i think things are shaping up, another level of weirdness pops through…

I’ve been looking for someone interesting on a couple of online dating sites but everyone’s either too normal or too wacked out… i dont even know what i’d do with a girlfriend right now…though i keep saying that and at tehe same time i really want someone to hang out with though wheni make plans to hang out i flake… i wonder what i’m punishing myself for, though i suppose on some level i know tha answer to that question, i just wish i’d stop odoing it. i know that people like spending time with me or they wouldn’t offer to, even though sometimes it feels like i’m always the one setting up plans for me and other people…

SoftLord (12:20:45 AM): my thing is ‘i know im awesome but my only power is if other people know it but cant reach me so i have to keep my distance and let people down so they dont get close enough to hurt me’
SoftLord (12:22:44 AM): er… more accurately ‘to abandon me like my parents’

Written by admin

June 3rd, 2006 at 11:00 pm

Posted in Uncategorized