7:29:29 PM Jeremy Meyers: i’ve had my share of one-nighters, not really sure what i’m looking for right now. I would like a real gf but its also scary to me because the last few experiences i’ve had with relationships have been very difficult and not rewarding
7:29:56 PM Jeremy Meyers: so i dont really trust my judgment
7:30:06 PM Taina Figueroa: difficult how?
7:30:12 PM Taina Figueroa: i totally know that feeling
7:30:14 PM Jeremy Meyers: they didn’t really seem to like me very much
7:30:39 PM Jeremy Meyers: more like they liked what i could do for them or how i made them feel
7:31:27 PM Taina Figueroa: sexually u mean or emotionally as well
7:31:35 PM Jeremy Meyers: both
7:31:59 PM Taina Figueroa: who ended the relationships?
7:32:17 PM Jeremy Meyers: one was me and the last was mutual
7:32:43 PM Jeremy Meyers: it was a “you’re great but i dont really have the time to dedicate to the kind of relationship you want” from her
7:32:45 PM Jeremy Meyers: and i didn’t disagree
7:32:45 PM Jeremy Meyers: heh
7:33:14 PM Taina Figueroa: and what kind of relationship was it that u wanted that u weren’t getting?
7:33:28 PM Jeremy Meyers: well
7:33:55 PM Jeremy Meyers: i should say that for a long time i haven’t really been in an emotional place to handle the kind of relationship that i actually want
7:34:36 PM Jeremy Meyers: i tend to keep people away from my emotions
7:35:16 PM Taina Figueroa: but u want them to be completely open to u emotionally?
7:35:44 PM Jeremy Meyers: yeah
7:35:48 PM Jeremy Meyers: i mean
7:36:07 PM Taina Figueroa: i’m listening
7:36:15 PM Jeremy Meyers: i know, trying to figure out how to prase
7:36:16 PM Jeremy Meyers: phrase
7:37:31 PM Jeremy Meyers: i have a weird balance of really wanting an emotional connection and also not wanting to burden someone that i’m interested in with all my crap
7:38:02 PM Jeremy Meyers: or thinking that if i open up to them they wont be interested
7:39:05 PM Jeremy Meyers: so…its really easy for me to just go get laid
7:39:12 PM Jeremy Meyers: if i wanted to
7:40:03 PM Jeremy Meyers: i guess letting people in is harder
7:40:15 PM Taina Figueroa: duh
7:40:34 PM Jeremy Meyers: what i want is the same as what most people want
7:41:20 PM Jeremy Meyers: someone who gets me, and makes me laugh, and who will think of me and smile
7:41:26 PM Taina Figueroa: so why is ur crap so much worse than anybody else’s?
7:41:54 PM Jeremy Meyers: and text naughty things during the day about the plans for later that night
7:41:55 PM Jeremy Meyers: heh
7:42:17 PM Taina Figueroa: sounds delicious
7:42:24 PM Jeremy Meyers: exactly
7:42:45 PM Jeremy Meyers: its not that its worse than anybody elses, its that my history with relationships is to find someone i click with and put them up on a pedestal, sorta
7:42:52 PM Taina Figueroa: so i struggle w very similar emotions and this whole someone who gets me thing
7:43:01 PM Jeremy Meyers: i dunno…its complicated… my dating history sucks
7:43:47 PM Taina Figueroa: the thing is i have begun to wonder if it is ever truly possible, i mean for someone to get u the way we all want others to understand?
7:44:01 PM Jeremy Meyers: i haven’t been in a relationship where someone has been truly as in to me as i have been into them…its always really skewed one way or the other…and i think a lot of that is because i dont really show enough to have that connection happen
7:44:28 PM Jeremy Meyers: or haven’t
7:45:21 PM Jeremy Meyers: i dont know if its possible to have someone immediately get you, i think its possible to have someone get where you’re coming from and be super interested in learning more
7:46:03 PM Taina Figueroa: most people are so involved in their own story they dont actually listen and hear anybody else’s i think
7:46:15 PM Taina Figueroa: jesus do i sound jaded
7:46:27 PM Jeremy Meyers: jaded is crap
7:46:38 PM Jeremy Meyers: its just perspective
7:47:08 PM Jeremy Meyers: most people are so involved in their own story, which makes it so important to keep people around who are interested in other peoples
7:48:11 PM Jeremy Meyers: but i think i’ve been interested in other peoples and also scared to share mine, which does not lead to well-balanced relationship
7:49:05 PM Taina Figueroa: i think i’m the opposite, i put mine out there and i’m like see this is me, i am who i am and this is where i come from
7:49:30 PM Taina Figueroa: well i don’t know
7:50:14 PM Taina Figueroa: actually i tend to be the person who everyone talks to, people at work tell me their damn life stories after seconds of knowing them
7:50:45 PM Jeremy Meyers: heh
7:50:46 PM Jeremy Meyers: me too
7:50:53 PM Jeremy Meyers: obviously
7:50:59 PM Jeremy Meyers: its because you’re a really good listener
7:51:09 PM Taina Figueroa: i actually think i have a good balance – exactly
7:51:47 PM Taina Figueroa: which is why its so frustrating when i do tell my story to always feel like
7:52:18 PM Taina Figueroa: its not heard
7:52:50 PM Taina Figueroa: what are u so scared about…exactly the bullshti i just described lol
7:53:12 PM Jeremy Meyers: my mom left when i was 13
7:53:22 PM Jeremy Meyers: i dont do well with abandonment
7:53:52 PM Taina Figueroa: do u maintain a relationship w her?
7:53:55 PM Jeremy Meyers: yeah we’re close
7:54:08 PM Jeremy Meyers: more than me & my dad
7:54:19 PM Jeremy Meyers: and i’m mad at her for leaving but i understand why
7:54:31 PM Taina Figueroa: so then how were u abandoned?\[
7:54:44 PM Jeremy Meyers: she abandoned the family by leaving
7:54:49 PM Jeremy Meyers: moving out
7:54:59 PM Jeremy Meyers: her marriage
7:55:02 PM Taina Figueroa: sorry the cat just sat on top of me cant see my hands
7:55:22 PM Jeremy Meyers: abandonment isn’t just like…being left on the side of the road in a basket
7:56:07 PM Taina Figueroa: oh i know…i had to deal w a lot of shit w my parents cuz i felt like they had done just that when i was little, they still do
7:56:48 PM Taina Figueroa: the cause is their life, they are both political activists and they weren’t around a whole lot when i was younger
7:57:03 PM Taina Figueroa: i was just kind of invisible it seemed
7:57:39 PM Taina Figueroa: she loves u
7:58:39 PM Jeremy Meyers: oh i know…just supersensitive to getting emotionally involved with someone only to have them leave.so it tends to be when i find someone i click with i will kind of go into overdrive and behavior is based on
7:58:55 PM Jeremy Meyers: PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME rather than ‘hey youre cool lets hang out and also make out’
7:59:29 PM Taina Figueroa: its so crazy how shit that happens when we are younger becomes so ingrained in our psyche and shapes so much of how we are able to function in relationships
7:59:34 PM Jeremy Meyers: yup
7:59:41 PM Taina Figueroa: even though we can recognize exactly what it is, it still tends to rule us
8:00:15 PM Jeremy Meyers: well, being aware of it is the first step to being able to address it
8:00:19 PM Jeremy Meyers: i’m kind of a psych geek
8:00:28 PM Taina Figueroa: cool
8:01:00 PM Jeremy Meyers: human behavior is fascinating ot me
8:01:02 PM Jeremy Meyers: to me
8:01:10 PM Taina Figueroa: it take a lot of friggin hard word to get to a place where it doesn’t
8:01:19 PM Taina Figueroa: something we both know i’m sure
8:01:24 PM Jeremy Meyers: doesn’t rule us?
8:01:33 PM Taina Figueroa: yea
8:01:40 PM Jeremy Meyers: yeah… the key is being able to look at the pattern without falling into it
8:01:49 PM Taina Figueroa: sorry thoughts coming faster than able to type
8:01:52 PM Jeremy Meyers: like…being able to distance yourself a bit
8:02:35 PM Jeremy Meyers: so instead of “omg i love this girl i have to do everything in my power to make her stay omg omg omg” its more like “interesting, this is someone im into and im reacting this way to it”
8:03:56 PM Taina Figueroa: i acted a lot like the whole please dont leave me thing w these last 2 relationships which is why they got so serious b/c of the damage the relationship w my husband had done (even though i left him it was b/c he never gave me the time of day or week seeing as how he worked from 6 a.m to 11 p.m. 7 days a week and did jobs overnight sometimes – i wasn’t worth spending time w)
8:04:07 PM Jeremy Meyers: to have the reaction but not necessarily be owned by it
8:04:25 PM Taina Figueroa: but i realized too late in both of those relationships that i actually wasn’t really that into either of them
8:04:28 PM Jeremy Meyers: heh
8:04:30 PM Jeremy Meyers: yea i do that too
8:05:25 PM Taina Figueroa: so i am also afraid of being ruled by that pattern, and hurting others again – not being able to recognize early on whether i actually really like the person or the idea of the person and being in a relationship
8:05:39 PM Jeremy Meyers: yeah
8:05:47 PM Jeremy Meyers: learning to be present and paying attention is hard
8:05:58 PM Taina Figueroa: it is so hard
8:06:13 PM Taina Figueroa: but i feel like i am getting better at it everyday
8:06:28 PM Taina Figueroa: i’m in a space that i wasn’t even a year ago
8:06:33 PM Taina Figueroa: how bout u?
8:06:35 PM Jeremy Meyers: and i think having that as a goal is a big step
8:07:36 PM Jeremy Meyers: my therapist is helping me a lot…i had gone to therapy a few years ago and then stopped cause my therapist at the time retired… finally this year hit a point where i was totally unsatisfied with the direction my life has been going and started going back to a new guy who’s been very helpful in bringing stuff into focus