Private Journal – Keep Out.

Archive for January, 2010

Tac Conversation re: frustrations

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Conversation with

Conversation with Tac Anderson on 1/31/2010 9:11:42 P:

(8:37:57 P)
(8:40:16 P) Tac Anderson:
(8:41:50 P) so you’re ahead of the curve about writing posts about being ahead of the curve, you’re saying?
(8:45:37 P) Tac Anderson: no, i’m saying you’re not alone. i had lunch w/ @BAoki and she’s struggling w/ what’s she going to do now that SM is main stream. I think most of us that have been doing this for several years are questioning if the parties getting old? and as we move on no one understands what we’re seeing over the next hill. I think it’s kind of our lot in life.
(8:45:59 P) i kind of had it out with nadina about what my job is right now
(8:46:08 P) compared what i was hired to do
(8:46:34 P) Tac Anderson: this one too
(8:47:50 P) and i’m kind of tired of having people say ‘oh so youre like tac but for non-microsoft business’ and being like… well, except i dont have a team or his salary (not that its a competition or that thats particularly important to me, its not a knock) and i write RFPs and do grunt research work all day and i’ve been here 9 months and when people ask what i’ve been working on i have not one thing of substance to point to
(8:49:09 P) Tac Anderson: I’m sorry for the comparison.
(8:49:17 P) Tac Anderson: on a lighter side
(8:49:40 P) its fine, didn’t mean to make it about you, it’s not. its just overall frustration
(8:51:12 P) Tac Anderson: no, i get it. i don’t like being compared. you’re not me, and i’m not you. yeah we’re sm geeks but we each have a different perspective even w/in that.
(8:52:10 P) i spoke with nadina about it and actually now that we hired Eddie it sounds like i might have an opportunity to create a content strategist role path and bounce it around him and patton and nadina to try to make it make sense for WE
(8:52:38 P) not content strategist like how @halvorson defines it… i’m working on a description of what i mean
(8:54:50 P) Tac Anderson: that’s great man. i’m glad you did. There are things that frustrate me about WE (like any place that has to pay me to work there) but they do seem willing to make sure people are in the right spot, even if it means creating one (assuming they can sell it).
(8:55:39 P) yeah. i may ask you for help in the selling in portion
(8:56:07 P) Tac Anderson: i’d be happy to.
(8:56:12 P) its just…like… somewhere there’s gotta be that person who’s like “great. let’s do some cool stuff”
(8:57:12 P) rather than “show me why this matters, and if you’re lucky i’ll try a one month campaign and oh by the way legal has to approve everything”
(8:59:35 P) i’m sure you feel a similar frustration
(9:02:50 P) Tac Anderson: sometimes but not quite as bad. I’m not really a content creator. I love the strategy and planning and then am happy to hand it off to someone more talented than me.
(9:03:14 P) i think we complement each other
(9:04:02 P) which is another reason its frustrating to me that we’re nto working directly together that much…sometimes i feel shoehorned into a strategic position that i’m not passionate about
(9:07:55 P) Tac Anderson: well it would help if you had a manger who didn’t rely so much on you for the SM strategy. Nothing against Nadina but Nathan gets social a lot more which means he can field stuff. I get the feeling you are the only go to guy there.
(9:08:26 P) honestly at this point i have no idea what she gets and doens’t get
(9:08:32 P) she’s so scattered
(9:08:46 P) i mean she’s smart and has been a really good professional mentor and has a good strategic brain
(9:08:54 P) in terms of client management
(9:11:53 P) Tac Anderson: yeah. i told nathan I can’t take any more projects this month, while he’s gone, especially from her. everything comes in last minute and high priority. which i know isn’t all her fault, because of the account teams she has to work with but i feel like it’s always a game of hot potato. it’d make me tired and i don’t tire easily.
(9:13:08 P) i think she came into a situation where studio d was only focused on microsoft, the other practices were being underserved, are not particularly educated and there werent any processes in place
(9:13:32 P) and it didn’t seem like almacy did much
(9:13:45 P) Tac Anderson: yeah, it’s a tough spot for sure.
(9:14:40 P) so am i exhausted because we’re crafting a POV document for the intersection of digitial and PA and the intersection of digital and SI and the intersection of digital and healthcare, and crafting custom products for each practice, AND working on Avon AND working on stupid RFPs?
(9:14:41 P) yes.
(9:15:12 P) are those things that get me up in the morning? no. not as much as it does Heather (who i’m so happy to have more officially on the team)
(9:15:15 P) and even she’s frustrated
(9:16:29 P) Tac Anderson: what’s your insights color?
(9:16:38 P) mostly green
(9:16:56 P) though i’d really like to take it again, i have a feeling its pretty different now.
(9:17:13 P) Tac Anderson: that’s what i thought. same w/ nadina. snow’s all blue if you can imagine πŸ˜‰
(9:17:20 P) i really like her
(9:17:30 P) we went out to dinner last night
(9:18:00 P) Tac Anderson: color wise, she’s the exact opposite of me. but yeah we work well together (mostly)
(9:18:27 P) i dont think she’s being used well either
(9:18:46 P) Tac Anderson: no, it’s hard with her out alone in Austin.
(9:19:17 P) yeah
(9:19:30 P) she wants to come here, kinda
(9:19:37 P) except for the whole owning a house and loving austin thing
(9:20:20 P) Tac Anderson: i think it would be good while you build out the ny office to have more concentration.
(9:20:33 P) hmm?
(9:22:09 P) Tac Anderson: if heather were in ny i think it would be good for the team.
(9:22:33 P) oh
(9:22:34 P) yes
(9:25:07 P) of course the two new headcounts we now have open are apparently going to be in boston and in DC
(9:26:02 P) Tac Anderson: yeah, there is a case for getting a local presence. esp considering how much nadina has to travel. fotunately that’s not too far away.
(9:26:09 P) yup
(9:26:33 P) hoping some of this ‘research the competitors social media presences and present an analysis for the rfp deck’ stuff can get off my plate
(9:26:50 P) thats what the request fro m this afternoon was …of course i end up having to do it now
(9:26:53 P) well, me and nadina are splitting itg
(9:27:06 P) i dont know why thats not a research function, but apparently they’re allowed to push back snce its nonbillable
(9:28:46 P) Tac Anderson: research has resources for new biz. just like we gave up headcount to marketing for rfp’s. everyone is so insanely busy its not even funny. everyone’s getting pretty stressed.
(9:28:59 P) yeah
(9:29:06 P) did you take the value selling class?\
(9:29:54 P) Tac Anderson: not yet. not until they make me. of course they’d actually have to clear my plate for 2 days, which isn’t going to happen anytime soon. how was it?
(9:33:02 P) actually its pretty useful
(9:33:05 P) i think it will help us
(9:33:16 P) i was braced for something totally corporate and lame
(9:33:19 P) and to some extent it is
(9:33:57 P) but its also a good framework to be thinking about our rfp/pitch process and to get people thinking about what we do in brainstorm meetings (source, not brainstorm) and the assumptions we make, and how much we chase business
(9:34:15 P) i dont have as much pitching experience as you do,but i dont feel like my time was wasted
(9:34:27 P) that said, its not rocket science or like… next-level shit
(9:34:34 P) its just a framework
(9:35:34 P) Tac Anderson: the best stuff is usually common sense right?
(9:35:45 P) yeah
(9:35:55 P) i mean its not like anything we do is revolutionary
(9:36:57 P) we just happen to know how to do it in a way that is reasonable and valuable and maps to stuff
(9:37:42 P) Tac Anderson: usually πŸ™‚
(9:37:55 P) well whatever, you know what i mean
(9:38:33 P) Tac Anderson: yes
(9:40:02 P) so yeah… i think it’d be worth doing if just to be in the room with some of the people for whom its less intuitive
(9:40:32 P) to grok their thought process
(9:40:40 P) it was educational to me
(9:42:23 P) Tac Anderson: i’m actually not a good sales person. i’m sure it would be helpful. i’m more the “this is your problem. this is how you solve it. here’s my number” which works reasonably well when you know your shit, but doesn’t work when they don’t recognize their problem
(9:42:35 P) yeah me too
(9:42:51 P) i think that we think we know what their problem is when we dont necessarily
(9:43:03 P) or dont know the full extent, or where else we can bring value
(9:43:30 P) i mean, we know that their communications suck and that they’re sending out press releases like they matter, but those are symptoms not problems right
(9:43:59 P) Tac Anderson: i usually know what the problem is at it’s core but i’m usually not being asked to solve that problem. IE8 sucks, that’s their problem but not the problem we get asked to help with.
(9:44:17 P) and if we can get to the ‘heres how doing what we say will help you map to what youre being measured against at the end of the day’ then we have a better shot of getting buy-in
(9:45:07 P) i definitely think you should take it
(9:45:16 P) Tac Anderson: my problem is i don’t want IE8’s buy in. if it sucks and you have to show that people think it doesn’t suck, i’m of no use.
(9:45:21 P) Tac Anderson: i’m sure i will.
(9:46:00 P) yeah i dont either but i want to be able to phrase what i know is right in a way that will get their buy-in so that i get to do what iwant
(9:46:15 P) Tac Anderson: yeah
(9:46:16 P) and i dont think i’m good at that
(9:46:20 P) and i think i resent that i have to
(9:46:39 P) so anythign that makes that less of a thing that exists in my head that i can obsess and fume over is a net positive to me
(9:46:45 P) did i just say net positive? kill me.
(9:47:00 P) also i’m worried that we’re all stressed and stretched as thina s we are and we’re not winning any business.
(9:47:16 P) Tac Anderson: sudo $kill jeremy
(9:48:14 P) Tac Anderson: that’s another prob. we’re not winning BECAUSE we’re so stressed. people need to learn to say NO and focus on a few wins and not chase every f*ing thing that comes along.
(9:48:24 P) yup
(9:48:31 P) thats part of it too
(9:48:52 P) part of the training i mean
(9:49:02 P) figuring out whether a prospect is worth pursuing
(9:49:04 P) early on
(9:49:27 P) we’ll see how it shakes out
(9:49:50 P) Tac Anderson: prob is NA is behind on their goals and stressed to win biz. Studio D is ahead of our goals and stretched too thin already. bad combo.
(9:50:30 P) well hopefully i just brought in 130-140k with the rodgers and hammerstein thing…tho i haven’t heard back from her
(9:50:43 P) and i hope arran doesn’t try to take credit for it
(9:50:52 P) Tac Anderson: did you hear we won fluke?
(9:51:02 P) though if i were him i might, considering they[‘re doing all the work
(9:51:11 P) for the long term strategy documents?
(9:51:44 P) Tac Anderson: the 1st one. i had to pitch the second one and we’ll hear back on that next week.
(9:51:49 P) oh, the campaign?
(9:51:57 P) Tac Anderson: yeah
(9:52:00 P) cool
(9:52:06 P) though now the schedule’s super tight
(9:52:10 P) of course
(9:52:11 P) heh
(9:52:19 P) well done us
(9:52:22 P) i guess
(9:52:27 P) thats like 15k right htere
(9:52:43 P) and we won Toshiba Storage.
(9:53:50 P) Tac Anderson: alright gotta go. chat tomorrow
(9:53:57 P) ok
(9:53:57 P) lates
(9:54:00 P) thanks for the convo as usual
(9:54:07 P) and for putting up with my ranting πŸ™‚
(9:54:13 P) Tac Anderson: anytime
(9:54:23 P) i really do appreciate it
(9:55:01 P) Tac Anderson: srsly not a prob. i understand
(9:55:10 P) okie
(9:55:11 P) go home
(9:55:12 P) be with the fam
(9:55:17 P) thats whats important anyway

Written by admin

January 31st, 2010 at 2:22 am

Posted in Waggener

Sex convo with Kate

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11:30:18 PM kate9881: so, this might be a sudden topic change
11:30:48 PM kate9881: but i was thinking a little bit about last night
11:31:16 PM Jeremy Meyers: ok
11:31:53 PM kate9881: and to be honest, i was so tired and kind of drained that i’m not really sure i made sense
11:32:10 PM Jeremy Meyers: hmm
11:32:18 PM kate9881: and also i was kind of confused myself
11:32:27 PM Jeremy Meyers: well
11:32:38 PM kate9881: about why i had these feelings kind of out of the blue
11:32:47 PM Jeremy Meyers: would it be helpful for me to share what i think you were saying?
11:32:57 PM Jeremy Meyers: i mean, what i hear
11:32:57 PM Jeremy Meyers: d
11:33:04 PM kate9881: oh, well, if you want
11:34:10 PM Jeremy Meyers: well to me it sounded like you were kind of exhausted, too much o play, but because you felt like i was ‘in the mood’ and into it, you were just gonna do it for my sake, and that brought up a bunch of stuff where you’d been in situations like that before with people who were less respectful of your feelings, and then the conflict between those relationships and our relationships caused some friction in your mind
11:34:47 PM Jeremy Meyers: is that close?
11:35:12 PM kate9881: um, well sort of
11:35:25 PM Jeremy Meyers: ok…well, you finish, then…sorry to cut in πŸ™‚
11:35:30 PM kate9881: i mean, i knew i was really tired all of a sudden
11:35:58 PM kate9881: but i wasn’t going to necessarily try to power through something
11:36:30 PM Jeremy Meyers: ok
11:36:31 PM kate9881: i mean, i feel comfortable just telling you
11:36:41 PM Jeremy Meyers: of course
11:36:57 PM kate9881: and i am pretty much always down. but sleep was just winning
11:37:02 PM Jeremy Meyers: i’m trying to remember if that was the first time one of us ‘stopped in the middle’ because we were tired
11:38:10 PM Jeremy Meyers: well yeah, totally understandable… and to be honest i wasn’t necessarily awake enough for like a full thing…i was just feeling really close to you and kissing you and seemed more intimate than purely sexual, to me at least
11:38:18 PM kate9881: no i know
11:38:37 PM kate9881: i got that
11:38:47 PM Jeremy Meyers: were you feeling that too?
11:38:53 PM kate9881: and it was enjoyable, but i didn’t want to just lay there like a lump
11:39:19 PM Jeremy Meyers: which made me wonder if maybe the fact that it was more intimate lead to something being triggered that made you want to pull away a little
11:39:32 PM kate9881: well actulaly
11:39:35 PM kate9881: it wasn’t that
11:40:04 PM kate9881: it was more when we first came into your room
11:40:15 PM Jeremy Meyers: not that i think you dont want to be intimate with me… just never know what combination of stuff could trigger something
11:40:26 PM Jeremy Meyers: oh.. yeah
11:40:51 PM Jeremy Meyers: was just playing around
11:40:56 PM kate9881: i was just kind of confused by that for some reason
11:41:27 PM kate9881: i actually think that may have triggered something a little bit
11:41:50 PM Jeremy Meyers: i dunno…just had the urge to bend you over and take you from behind a little… after getting eac other all worked up on the couch
11:42:02 PM Jeremy Meyers: could kinda tell that was uncomfortable for you tho
11:42:12 PM kate9881: i mean, in general, i actually find that pretty hot
11:42:28 PM kate9881: but i just didn’t really know what you were doing
11:42:28 PM Jeremy Meyers: ok
11:42:43 PM Jeremy Meyers: hmm
11:42:44 PM kate9881: and it just called to mind some bad things
11:42:54 PM Jeremy Meyers: ok
11:43:15 PM kate9881: i don’t know, i just felt kind of weird after that
11:43:30 PM Jeremy Meyers: well i didn’t mean to hit a trigger, obviously
11:43:50 PM kate9881: of course
11:44:02 PM kate9881: i mean
11:44:32 PM kate9881: i didn’t really even want to bring this up, because i didn’t want you to feel weird about it
11:44:37 PM Jeremy Meyers: and i dont know…our playtime has been great and its also been somewhat defined in its scope…not a complaint, just what we’ve been doing
11:45:11 PM kate9881: yeah, and that’s one reason why i don’t want you to think that something’s off-limits, because it’s not
11:45:24 PM Jeremy Meyers: no i mean i dont feel weird about it….sometimes hitting triggers is just something that happens, and we talk about it and get through
11:45:29 PM kate9881: i mean, from behind is one of my favorites in general
11:45:38 PM Jeremy Meyers: ok
11:45:58 PM kate9881: but i guess i was just confused about whether you were more joking around or what
11:46:28 PM Jeremy Meyers: i mean i kinda feel like we’re still feeling each other out (awww yea) on experimenting a little more
11:47:17 PM Jeremy Meyers: i mean i think we both know where our common interests lie and stuff
11:47:50 PM Jeremy Meyers: but in the grand scheme, there’s still a bunch of stuff we haven’t done yet
11:48:33 PM Jeremy Meyers: and to answer your question, i dunno if i wa trying to be funny…i guess a little but that doesn’t mean i wasn’t also goin for some good feelings
11:49:04 PM kate9881: well, i know and that’s why i’m saying, i was reluctant to make a ‘thing’ out of it.Β  because i didn’t want it to turn into something it’s not, or discourage you from anything
11:49:24 PM Jeremy Meyers: yeah i understand
11:49:24 PM Jeremy Meyers: but
11:49:51 PM Jeremy Meyers: for me, saying nothing is wrong when clearly something is going on makes is more weird than just talking about it
11:49:58 PM Jeremy Meyers: makes IT more weird
11:50:27 PM kate9881: well, yes, but i guess i didn’t really realize it at the time
11:50:39 PM Jeremy Meyers: ok
11:51:09 PM kate9881: i remember going into the bathroom and still feeling pretty turned on and stuff
11:51:25 PM kate9881: but then i just ended up getting tired and kind of tuning out
11:51:44 PM Jeremy Meyers: ok
11:52:15 PM kate9881: so i don’t know, that’s the whole story as i remember it.
11:52:26 PM kate9881: well, i mean, then i felt bad about laying there like a lump
11:52:35 PM kate9881: and that brought up some upsetting feelings, etc.
11:52:37 PM Jeremy Meyers: heh
11:52:55 PM Jeremy Meyers: well now you know for next time you can just say that you’re tired
11:53:08 PM Jeremy Meyers: i know its not an excuse
11:53:15 PM Jeremy Meyers: or whatever
11:53:56 PM kate9881: i know
11:54:41 PM Jeremy Meyers: i’m pretty clear on you being into playing with me, so i do my best to ‘get’ that its not a personal thing if you’re actually too tired or feel off or whatever
11:55:06 PM kate9881: yes, not personal
11:55:08 PM kate9881: of course not
11:55:35 PM kate9881: but i’ve been on both sides of that fence, and i know it can be frustrating
11:57:12 PM Jeremy Meyers: well its not like i was superhorny and felt like you were leaving me high and dry
11:57:38 PM kate9881: i know
11:57:53 PM Jeremy Meyers: or that you’d somehow gotten me all worked up and then stopped
11:57:58 PM Jeremy Meyers: it was late
11:58:02 PM kate9881: it’s not like geting ‘the tap’ or something
11:58:10 PM Jeremy Meyers: the tap?
11:58:17 PM kate9881: seinfeld reference
11:58:20 PM kate9881: sorry
11:58:23 PM Jeremy Meyers: can’t remember
11:58:45 PM kate9881: the tap is when you’re like tap tap tap on the back “please stop doing whatever you’re doing”
11:58:48 PM Jeremy Meyers: ohh
11:59:05 PM kate9881: george gets the tap
12:01:05 AM Jeremy Meyers: and as for the rest of it, if something gets triggeredΒ  and you have emotions come up and feel like crying, then by all means do so and i will hold you until it passes… you dont have to ‘keep it together’ for me… i mean, theres obviously some stuff there, and a therapist could help you look at it, but in the moment, you can just let it happen. it honestly doesn’t change how i think of you or my feelings about you
12:01:23 AM Jeremy Meyers: and you dont have to feel bad about it
12:01:52 AM kate9881: i know and i appreciate that
12:02:07 AM kate9881: but i don’t really like crying in front of people
12:02:14 AM Jeremy Meyers: i’m not people
12:02:20 AM kate9881: and also i think it’s kind of misleading
12:02:55 AM kate9881: i think sometimes i’m crying because i just feel a lot or feel an overwhelming sense of relief that i don’t have to worry about some things
12:03:16 AM Jeremy Meyers: yeah
12:03:18 AM Jeremy Meyers: makes sense
12:03:27 AM kate9881: sometimes i realize that i’ve had certain worries for like 10 years
12:03:36 AM kate9881: that i never even realized
12:03:49 AM kate9881: sorry, that made no sense
12:03:51 AM kate9881: hahaha
12:03:55 AM Jeremy Meyers: well thats great that you’re noticing them rather than having them stay as automatic processes
12:03:59 AM Jeremy Meyers: i knew what you meant
12:04:07 AM Jeremy Meyers: thats why i tend to ask “whats going on” rather than “whats wrong”
12:04:38 AM kate9881: but it’s like, because you’re you and you’re wonderful, i’m like “oh, it doesn’t need to be like that”
12:04:49 AM Jeremy Meyers: πŸ™‚
12:05:11 AM Jeremy Meyers: i’m glad that my awesomeness can help put to rest some assumptions
12:06:14 AM Jeremy Meyers: which sounds glib but it really does mean a lot to me that someone i think is so amazing and means so much to me is so appreciative of who i am
12:06:37 AM Jeremy Meyers: thats not exactly what i meant, but you get it
12:06:41 AM kate9881: yes
12:07:33 AM Jeremy Meyers: so
12:07:33 AM kate9881: so i think part of the crying was just unloading some pent up stuff and realizing that i don’t have to have some of these anxieties
12:07:38 AM kate9881: because you’re the best
12:07:40 AM Jeremy Meyers: oh yeah totally get it
12:08:04 AM Jeremy Meyers: i kind of visualize it as these pockets of emotion that we store
12:08:15 AM Jeremy Meyers: and sometimes we can trigger something near the pockets so they rupture
12:08:18 AM Jeremy Meyers: and they come out
12:08:39 AM Jeremy Meyers: and either we reabsorb the pain or we can let it out
12:09:23 AM Jeremy Meyers: i dunno, maybe thats weird
12:09:25 AM kate9881: yeah that makes sense
12:09:34 AM kate9881: no, not weird
12:11:02 AM Jeremy Meyers: so i mean, you dont have to feel bad if tears come for whatever reason when we’re together…be it sadness or relief or anything
12:11:22 AM Jeremy Meyers: just would be appreciated if you’d share what it feels like its about, as you’re ready
12:11:26 AM Jeremy Meyers: (which you do)
12:12:31 AM kate9881: yeah, i try, but sometimes i’m not sure myself and it’s just hard to speak, literally
12:12:41 AM Jeremy Meyers: yea
12:13:11 AM Jeremy Meyers: i’ll try not to rush you or anything…just harder for me to know whats going on without any kind of context
12:13:32 AM kate9881: yes, i totally understand
12:13:36 AM Jeremy Meyers: wow, talk about an obvious statement
12:13:37 AM Jeremy Meyers: he
12:13:37 AM Jeremy Meyers: h
12:13:41 AM Jeremy Meyers: if i dont know, i dont know!
12:13:41 AM Jeremy Meyers: πŸ˜‰
12:13:42 AM kate9881: one reason, i try to hold it in
12:13:58 AM kate9881: just, knowing i’ll have to explain and stuff
12:14:00 AM Jeremy Meyers: yeah see i think for me tat would be like reabsorbing
12:14:07 AM Jeremy Meyers: would you rather i not ask?
12:14:17 AM kate9881: no, you can ask
12:14:28 AM kate9881: i mean, i would probably say something
12:14:56 AM kate9881: it just takes me some time to stop the swirl of thoughts and talk
12:15:10 AM Jeremy Meyers: ok
12:15:13 AM Jeremy Meyers: i mean
12:15:38 AM Jeremy Meyers: i dont think that theres anything about last night that was like… ‘gee i wish it had gone differently’
12:16:13 AM kate9881: well, i think that a bit
12:16:14 AM kate9881: but
12:16:23 AM kate9881: ah well
12:16:40 AM Jeremy Meyers: i mean in terms of what came up and how we communicated about it
12:17:04 AM kate9881: yeah i know, but i wish i had done some things differently
12:17:06 AM kate9881: but it’s ok
12:17:12 AM kate9881: that’s why i brought it up again
12:17:20 AM Jeremy Meyers: there ya go
12:17:27 AM kate9881: and like i said, for the record, i do really like stuff from behind or being bent over or whatever
12:17:36 AM Jeremy Meyers: well
12:18:20 AM kate9881: i think i was just kind of caught off-guard
12:18:28 AM Jeremy Meyers: i mean to be honest, it doesn’t exactly make it weird, but it does make me a little concerned about hitting a trigger next time i decide to try something new
12:20:27 AM Jeremy Meyers: but we can work that out
12:20:31 AM Jeremy Meyers: not worried
12:20:39 AM kate9881: srsly, don’t be too concerned
12:21:06 AM kate9881: i think it’s probably time to change it up or add stuff or try different things
12:21:19 AM Jeremy Meyers: sure
12:21:23 AM Jeremy Meyers: not that i’m bored
12:21:26 AM Jeremy Meyers: but yes
12:21:30 AM Jeremy Meyers: lets do it
12:21:42 AM kate9881: ok good
12:21:50 AM Jeremy Meyers: πŸ™‚
12:22:13 AM Jeremy Meyers: i’ll get the handcuffs you get the butt plugs and salami
12:23:20 AM Jeremy Meyers: i still want you to ride my face πŸ˜›
12:24:01 AM kate9881: handcuffs AND salami?
12:24:12 AM Jeremy Meyers: you know…taste you at an angle that doesn’t involve me craning my neck against the couch
12:24:15 AM Jeremy Meyers: heh
12:24:25 AM Jeremy Meyers: yeah you heard me.
12:24:49 AM kate9881: hey, i wasn’t really expecting that so…didn’t have angles in mind while lounging on couch
12:24:59 AM Jeremy Meyers: i know
12:25:47 AM Jeremy Meyers: i think we may be getting used to the whole morning handjob/fingering in bed thing….not that thats not enjoyable
12:26:09 AM kate9881: yes i agree
12:26:27 AM Jeremy Meyers: just dunno what comes next or whatever
12:26:58 AM Jeremy Meyers: and almost dont want to plan it…
12:27:00 AM kate9881: do we need to watch more WB shows
12:27:26 AM Jeremy Meyers: wb shows would never approve of our activities
12:27:37 AM kate9881: true
12:27:43 AM Jeremy Meyers: tho actually now that you mention it
12:27:55 AM Jeremy Meyers: this may sound weird but it almost seems like we’re doin the wb thing
12:28:01 AM kate9881: but i mean, it has been a pretty long time not to do it
12:28:12 AM Jeremy Meyers: not to watch wb shows?
12:28:18 AM kate9881: yes, exactly
12:28:31 AM Jeremy Meyers: ok now i’m confused
12:30:05 AM Jeremy Meyers: to me it feels like we may be doin the ‘well the next step after what we’ve been doing is full on sex’ which is silly because its not even true given our existing repertoire (oral, etc)
12:30:40 AM kate9881: well, you asked what we could do next
12:30:48 AM kate9881: that is one thing we are not currently doing
12:30:53 AM Jeremy Meyers: oral?
12:30:57 AM kate9881: no, SEX
12:30:59 AM Jeremy Meyers: oh
12:31:00 AM Jeremy Meyers: heh
12:31:00 AM Jeremy Meyers: yes
12:31:02 AM kate9881: sorry intercourse
12:31:09 AM Jeremy Meyers: we can
12:31:13 AM kate9881: i mean, we can do more oral too of course
12:31:29 AM Jeremy Meyers: i did really enjoy 69ing with you
12:31:38 AM kate9881: yeah totally
12:31:42 AM Jeremy Meyers: and rimming
12:32:47 AM Jeremy Meyers: i mean i feel like i’m really close to doing the sex seems weird to say ‘i almost feel ready’ or something…so girly
12:33:29 AM kate9881: why do you think you haven’t felt ‘ready’ ?
12:33:43 AM Jeremy Meyers: i’m still a little in my head about it
12:33:54 AM Jeremy Meyers: and it feels like a big deal with you
12:34:17 AM Jeremy Meyers: i mean i think some of our dirty talk when we’re playing about it has been hot
12:34:47 AM kate9881: does it need to be that big of a deal though?Β  isn’t that kind of WB?
12:35:05 AM Jeremy Meyers: maybe it is
12:35:07 AM kate9881: i mean, i feel like we’ve been very intimate with other stuff
12:35:10 AM Jeremy Meyers: we have
12:35:34 AM Jeremy Meyers: and maybe the extent of our sex life isn’t a 100% match for where we are emotionally, i dunno
12:36:13 AM Jeremy Meyers: but i dont think i’ve ever had sex as an expression of love before…it kinda feels like being a virgin again…maybe thats overthinking
12:36:48 AM kate9881: no i get it
12:36:59 AM kate9881: i haven’t had that either
12:37:23 AM kate9881: i mean, sex is usually a regular part of my random hook-up routine
12:37:32 AM Jeremy Meyers: right
12:37:48 AM kate9881: so i don’t really tend to think of it as a special sacred thing or whatever
12:37:55 AM Jeremy Meyers: yea
12:38:47 AM Jeremy Meyers: i mean i dont know that i think of it as sacred, but it definitely feels more ‘important’ with you… as i said, like being a virgin again
12:38:57 AM Jeremy Meyers: which i guess does put pressure on it
12:39:18 AM Jeremy Meyers: but at the same time i don’t necessarily want to just do it
12:39:27 AM kate9881: yeah, i think that might be building up some tough expectations
12:39:39 AM kate9881: i don’t think it needs to be either/or
12:39:56 AM Jeremy Meyers: well i’m not expecting fireworks and magic and life-altering everything
12:40:14 AM Jeremy Meyers: yeah i understand
12:40:16 AM kate9881: well, we have a long time to work up to that
12:40:22 AM Jeremy Meyers: of course
12:41:19 AM Jeremy Meyers: i guess it just feels right now like it’d be a leap from what we’ve been doing lately… like… if we were just kissing and touchhign each other, to suddenly go for a condom would be like… big step
12:41:48 AM Jeremy Meyers: this all seems kinda silly when i’m ‘sayin it out loud’
12:42:02 AM kate9881: yeah, i mean, i see where you’re coming from
12:42:10 AM Jeremy Meyers: especially since we’ve had sex already
12:42:18 AM kate9881: but for me, i’m thinking of it kind of the opposite way
12:42:19 AM Jeremy Meyers: but obvs we were in a different place in our relationhip at that point
12:42:25 AM Jeremy Meyers: oh?
12:43:05 AM kate9881: like, the longer it doesn’t happen, the more i worry about it.Β  well, not ‘worry’ exactly
12:43:14 AM kate9881: but it becomes more of a thing
12:43:43 AM Jeremy Meyers: i mean i can see that, but in the grand scheme, this isn’t really that long in terms of how long couples wait to have sex
12:43:44 AM kate9881: not that i’m demanding to do it asap
12:44:02 AM kate9881: well, i’m not trying to compare to other people
12:44:06 AM Jeremy Meyers: i know
12:44:25 AM Jeremy Meyers: i’m just saying i think both of us may have a bit of a skewed perception when it comes to timelines
12:44:29 AM kate9881: i mean, for us, i do think it’s kind of a lengthy period of time
12:44:50 AM Jeremy Meyers: because of our closeness otherwise?
12:44:55 AM kate9881: right
12:44:59 AM Jeremy Meyers: hmm
12:45:01 AM Jeremy Meyers: interesting
12:45:54 AM Jeremy Meyers: i dont necessariliy feel that same pressure…i feel like when the moment takes us and we can’t not be having sex anymore, then it’ll happen. and i kinda feel like its coming sooner than later
12:47:10 AM kate9881: well, i just don’t know if i would recognize “can’t not be having sex anymore”
12:47:27 AM kate9881: vs. just being really turned on and wanting to
12:47:41 AM Jeremy Meyers: i mean i know i have some stuff around sex and intercourse … and i dont want to feel like i’m depriving you or something
12:47:51 AM kate9881: and i don’t know how i’d even feel about expressing that
12:48:16 AM kate9881: because what if i felt like “now’s totally The Time” and you didn’t
12:48:30 AM Jeremy Meyers: then we figure it out
12:48:37 AM Jeremy Meyers: i mean i have the same fear
12:49:07 AM Jeremy Meyers: mine’s more ‘what if you feel like nows totally The Time and i cant perform like last time’
12:50:32 AM kate9881: well, “can’t perform” is not how i would interpret it
12:50:40 AM Jeremy Meyers: maybe not
12:50:46 AM kate9881: and plus, i have plenty of anxieties of my own
12:50:56 AM Jeremy Meyers: but thats how the fear says it
12:50:58 AM kate9881: it’s not like you’re just out there on a limb all alone
12:51:12 AM Jeremy Meyers: well we dont really talk about it
12:51:29 AM Jeremy Meyers: or haven’t
12:51:39 AM Jeremy Meyers: beyond that we both want to have sex with each other lots
12:52:57 AM kate9881: yes
12:53:07 AM kate9881: well i’m kind of reluctant to bring it up
12:53:23 AM Jeremy Meyers: why
12:54:12 AM kate9881: because of what i said before, about being concerned that i’d say i wanted to and you wouldn’t
12:54:56 AM Jeremy Meyers: well since we’re both nervous about that, it seems like we’ve stalemated ourselves out of sexin at the moment
12:54:57 AM Jeremy Meyers: heh
12:57:19 AM Jeremy Meyers: it really is like being a virgin again
12:57:31 AM kate9881: but i just want to say, even if something didn’t quite go perfectly, i wouldn’t get demoralized
12:57:59 AM Jeremy Meyers: ok
12:58:16 AM Jeremy Meyers: i mean i dont expect sex to be perfect…wouldn’t be fun if it wasn’t a little messy
12:58:27 AM kate9881: no, of course
12:58:55 AM Jeremy Meyers: its like that thing i was talking about about just getting to the other side of the door
12:59:40 AM Jeremy Meyers: and i guess i mean… right now in my head it feels like the progression hasn’t quite gotten to the sex part quite yet
1:00:02 AM Jeremy Meyers: and i dont know if it has anything to do with how close we are emotionally and intimatelly
1:00:03 AM Jeremy Meyers: whoa
1:00:05 AM Jeremy Meyers: intimately
1:01:05 AM Jeremy Meyers: and maybe i’m overthinking and believe me i want you a lot
1:01:46 AM Jeremy Meyers: and it does feel a little weird and silly being on this side of the discussion
1:02:19 AM kate9881: i mean, it doesn’t really feel great over here either
1:02:32 AM Jeremy Meyers: aw see…
1:02:51 AM Jeremy Meyers: maybe we should talk about this in person rather than via IM?
1:03:18 AM Jeremy Meyers: i dont think i’m explaining where i am with it clearly
1:03:59 AM kate9881: no, i mean IM is not the ideal medium, of course
1:05:31 AM Jeremy Meyers: i want to be inside you really a lot a lot. but i also feel like because i love you so much, it feels like i want it to be in a moment thats meaningful and natural and ‘for the right reasons’ and not because we’re worried that its been too long or something
1:06:05 AM kate9881: i understand. and i’m not saying, let’s just fuck just to do it
1:06:42 AM Jeremy Meyers: i mean, that having been said, who knows, we may still just end up doin it randomly over the weekend or someting
Changed status to Offline (1:07:17 AM)
Changed status to Online (1:07:57 AM)
1:08:28 AM Jeremy Meyers: Jeremy Meyers
i mean, that having been said, who knows, we may still just end up doin it randomly over the weekend or someting
1:09:39 AM Jeremy Meyers: you okay over there?
1:09:57 AM kate9881: yeah
1:10:05 AM Jeremy Meyers: internet fail?
1:10:16 AM kate9881: i just got the same IM twice
1:10:21 AM Jeremy Meyers: ook
1:10:31 AM Jeremy Meyers: it said you’d signed off
1:10:38 AM kate9881: oh. nope
1:10:50 AM Jeremy Meyers: finish your thought?
1:10:51 AM kate9881: i think AIM is just being weird on gchat
1:10:54 AM Jeremy Meyers: ah
1:11:09 AM kate9881: this is the last thing i said
1:11:10 AM kate9881: me:Β  ok, but i think that’s where i’m like, almost feeling like i am never expecting that
1:11:34 AM Jeremy Meyers: never expecting what?
1:11:54 AM kate9881: oh, IM context fail
1:11:58 AM Jeremy Meyers: hee
1:12:03 AM kate9881: expecting to randomly do it over a weekend
1:12:23 AM Jeremy Meyers: yeah i think thats what i was talking about before about expanding our repertoire
1:12:28 AM Jeremy Meyers: so that it would be more of a natural progression
1:12:47 AM kate9881: but what is really in between
1:13:40 AM Jeremy Meyers: well i mean at the moment its been just fingering and handjobs and occasionally oral
1:14:34 AM Jeremy Meyers: not that that hasn’t been fun
1:14:38 AM Jeremy Meyers: i mean i dunno
1:15:48 AM kate9881: it’s late.Β  i don’t really feel like talking about this more
1:15:57 AM Jeremy Meyers: ok you’re probably right
1:16:09 AM Jeremy Meyers: less talk more action, right?
1:16:22 AM kate9881: i’m just tired
1:16:23 AM Jeremy Meyers: like you and your job
1:16:35 AM kate9881: and i feel like we’re going around in circles
1:16:38 AM Jeremy Meyers: we are
1:16:41 AM Jeremy Meyers: you’re riht
1:16:43 AM Jeremy Meyers: right
1:16:51 AM Jeremy Meyers: no way out when we go around in circles
1:18:20 AM Jeremy Meyers: i think that we will figure it out
1:18:25 AM Jeremy Meyers: or we will make it happen
1:18:28 AM Jeremy Meyers: more accurately
1:18:46 AM kate9881: ok, going to bed now
1:18:50 AM Jeremy Meyers: ok
1:18:52 AM Jeremy Meyers: i love you
1:18:56 AM Jeremy Meyers: you’re the best
1:18:57 AM Jeremy Meyers: <3
1:19:36 AM kate9881: love you
1:19:39 AM kate9881: ‘night
1:19:44 AM Jeremy Meyers: sleep well
1:19:50 AM Jeremy Meyers: no worries
Changed status to Offline (1:19:51 AM)

Written by admin

January 28th, 2010 at 11:45 pm

Posted in Kate

Sex convo with Celeste

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1:10:10 AM Jeremy Meyers: yo
1:10:18 AM Jeremy Meyers: you up?
1:11:12 AM neoviva2: yep
1:11:20 AM Jeremy Meyers: can i ask your advice on something?
1:11:25 AM neoviva2: sure
1:11:37 AM Jeremy Meyers: its about kate and me
1:11:43 AM neoviva2: k
1:12:03 AM Jeremy Meyers: we haven’t had sex yet…and i think its more of an issue for her than it is for me
1:12:38 AM Jeremy Meyers: and its not an issue of not wanting to
1:12:39 AM Jeremy Meyers: its more of like
1:12:50 AM Jeremy Meyers: i’ve never really had sex with someone within the context of being in love with them
1:13:01 AM Jeremy Meyers: so it feels kinda like being a virgin again
1:13:08 AM neoviva2: right
1:13:39 AM neoviva2: so you’re not sure if you should jump into it or you’re not sure about how she feels
1:13:47 AM Jeremy Meyers: no i mean we’re talking about it
1:13:54 AM Jeremy Meyers: and i think we’ve kind of accidently stalemated ourselves
1:14:17 AM Jeremy Meyers: we both really want to but i kinda feel like i want to wait until the moment presents itself where we can’t NOT be having sex
1:14:27 AM Jeremy Meyers: and she’s saying more that she doesn’t know that she’d know when that moment would happen
1:14:53 AM Jeremy Meyers: and i think in the grand scheme it hasn’t really been that long
1:14:59 AM Jeremy Meyers: i mean compared to other relationships
1:15:04 AM neoviva2: yeah
1:15:07 AM Jeremy Meyers: and that we may both kind of have skewed timelines
1:15:22 AM Jeremy Meyers: but for her it seems like the longer we wait the more of a ‘thing’ it becomes
1:15:35 AM neoviva2: I agree.
1:15:57 AM neoviva2: I don’t see why the “moment” is so important; what makes it valid isn’t so much the moment in my opinion, it’s the fact that you love each other
1:16:26 AM neoviva2: and waiting does also put this weird kind of… maybe like a ceremonial weight around it
1:16:32 AM neoviva2: but it really should just be natural
1:17:01 AM neoviva2: When I had sex with Erik after I’d realzed I was in love with him it was seriously the coolest experience
1:17:26 AM neoviva2: I had no idea it could actually be that kind of “bonding” experience and what not that it gets compared to in people’s stories or in movies and shit
1:17:33 AM Jeremy Meyers: yeah
1:17:35 AM neoviva2: and obviously it’s your own experience and noncomparable
1:17:40 AM Jeremy Meyers: i mean thats what i feel like it could be with her
1:17:49 AM Jeremy Meyers: but i also feel like we’re both kind of in our heads about it
1:17:53 AM Jeremy Meyers: maybe me more than her
1:17:53 AM neoviva2: I understand where you’re coming from but the “moment” thing … doesn’t really matter. do you worry you won’t be ready otherwise?
1:17:55 AM Jeremy Meyers: about what it should be
1:18:27 AM neoviva2: I say just do it
1:18:32 AM neoviva2: it’ll change shape every time anyway
1:18:36 AM Jeremy Meyers: so heres the other thing
1:18:47 AM neoviva2: the first time won’t be like some kind of pall cast on all the others
1:18:48 AM neoviva2: wha
1:19:03 AM Jeremy Meyers: we’ve already had sex once
1:19:07 AM neoviva2: ah
1:19:15 AM Jeremy Meyers: a couple of weeks into our relationship
1:19:24 AM Jeremy Meyers: before either of us knew what it would turn into
1:19:26 AM Jeremy Meyers: and it was really good
1:19:35 AM Jeremy Meyers: and then we tried again and it…um…didn’t happen
1:19:52 AM neoviva2: ah I see.
1:20:07 AM neoviva2: I still say do it πŸ™‚
1:20:12 AM neoviva2: you love her.
1:20:13 AM Jeremy Meyers: nobody’s fault, just didn’t work
1:20:13 AM neoviva2: she loves you
1:20:14 AM Jeremy Meyers: i do
1:20:16 AM Jeremy Meyers: she does
1:20:35 AM neoviva2: that’s alllllllllllllll you need πŸ™‚ don’t be scared. weird sex sessions happen. and I know, it’s so deterring
1:20:56 AM Jeremy Meyers: its not even that, it’s just like…theres a trigger there now
1:21:23 AM Jeremy Meyers: so even if everythings goin great then its easy for it to come up like ‘hey reember that time when yo couldnt keep it up? thatd better not happen now or shell freak out!’
1:21:25 AM neoviva2: I’ve had two of them happen with Erik. but then we talked about why lol. turned into a 3 hour mind-melding session. then at the end of it we had like, REALLY good super intense sex and all was well. sometimes you just have to let the funk roll through and out of you. as with sex and everything else.
1:21:31 AM Jeremy Meyers: and of course thats what happen
1:21:42 AM neoviva2: *nods* that’s exactly what Erik said
1:21:58 AM neoviva2: he kept getting anxious and then it REALLY didnt happen cuz he was so worried it wouldnt
1:22:02 AM Jeremy Meyers: yeah
1:22:06 AM Jeremy Meyers: self-fulfilling prophecy
1:22:15 AM neoviva2: but really… she’s not going to be that mean to toyu
1:22:17 AM neoviva2: you know/
1:22:18 AM neoviva2: ?
1:22:19 AM Jeremy Meyers: yeah i mean i definitely think that i’m overthinking
1:22:28 AM Jeremy Meyers: but i’m also nervous like a virgin
1:22:50 AM neoviva2: it’s the true nakedness of love… it’s a strange thing to accept. that this other person will see you at your highest and lowest and your best and your not-so-hots and it doesnt matter. at ALL
1:22:53 AM neoviva2: literally!
1:23:03 AM Jeremy Meyers: i know its not like…. everything hinging on it, but also its special with her
1:23:11 AM neoviva2: *nods8
1:23:16 AM Jeremy Meyers: and we’re so intimate and emotionally open and connected with each other outside of it
1:23:24 AM Jeremy Meyers: and we have fun when we fool around
1:23:39 AM Jeremy Meyers: and i get her off a lot
1:23:46 AM neoviva2: πŸ™‚
1:23:55 AM Jeremy Meyers: i really enjoy making her feel good
1:23:55 AM neoviva2: you’re overthinking bubblegum
1:24:08 AM Jeremy Meyers: yeah i know
1:24:21 AM neoviva2: dont worry πŸ™‚
1:24:29 AM neoviva2: just have lots of sex!
1:24:38 AM Jeremy Meyers: i have kind of a thing around intercourse as a separate thing from messing around too
1:24:45 AM neoviva2: well it is
1:24:48 AM Jeremy Meyers: when i was just doing the casual thing i wouldn’t fuck people
1:25:20 AM Jeremy Meyers: so its kind of a charged thing
1:25:32 AM Jeremy Meyers: i aven’t had intercourse with anyone since the last kate which was what, two years ago?
1:25:55 AM neoviva2: *nods*
1:26:14 AM Jeremy Meyers: i mean i want to just do it but i dont want to do it just to do it, if that makes any sense
1:27:08 AM Jeremy Meyers: i’m just bein silly, maybe.
1:27:17 AM neoviva2: no
1:27:34 AM neoviva2: and you’re not going to do it just to do it because you love her… so it’s never going to be about that so long as you do love her
1:27:42 AM neoviva2: dont think about it πŸ™‚
1:28:03 AM Jeremy Meyers: i have been goin around and around with it
1:28:09 AM Jeremy Meyers: and we’ve been goin around and around via IM about i
1:28:20 AM Jeremy Meyers: t
1:28:46 AM Jeremy Meyers: kate9881
it’s late. Β i don’t really feel like talking about this more

Jeremy Meyers
ok you’re probably right

less talk more action, right?

i’m just tired

Jeremy Meyers
like you and your job
it’s late. Β i don’t really feel like talking about this more

Jeremy Meyers
ok you’re probably right

less talk more action, right?

i’m just tired

and i feel like we’re going around in circles

1:29:07 AM Jeremy Meyers: eremy Meyers
i want to be inside you really a lot a lot. but i also feel like because i love you so much, it feels like i want it to be in a moment thats meaningful and natural and ‘for the right reasons’ and not because we’re worried that its been too long or something

i understand. and i’m not saying, let’s just fuck just to do it
1:29:29 AM Jeremy Meyers: etc etc
1:29:52 AM neoviva2: you’re both going overkill dude
1:30:05 AM neoviva2: just do something fun and romantic… faciliate the happening of it and it’ll come
1:30:09 AM neoviva2: no pun intended. lol
1:30:48 AM Jeremy Meyers: i think we both have the tendency to get in our heads about stuff…i’ve gotten better since the meditation stuff, but sex i a pairticularly sticky one
1:31:14 AM Jeremy Meyers: is a
1:31:24 AM Jeremy Meyers: and we’re kind intense about our connection
1:31:48 AM Jeremy Meyers: we’re going out for bbq for valentines day
1:31:55 AM Jeremy Meyers: though thats not exactly a low pressure situation, romance-wise
1:32:11 AM Jeremy Meyers: not that we’re gettin all fancy
1:32:13 AM Jeremy Meyers: argh
1:32:15 AM Jeremy Meyers: around and around and around
1:32:20 AM neoviva2: just stoooop
1:32:24 AM neoviva2: if you can recognize it you can stop it
1:32:32 AM neoviva2: relax
1:32:34 AM Jeremy Meyers: i know
1:32:42 AM Jeremy Meyers: its a hydra, this particular one
1:33:41 AM neoviva2: *nods*
1:33:43 AM Jeremy Meyers: i want us to be able to talk about anything but on the other hand if its all talk then that doesn’t really help anythin but at the same time i dont want to censor my converations around and around and around
1:33:51 AM neoviva2: write it out … then just turn your back on it for tonight
1:33:53 AM neoviva2: sleep
1:34:18 AM Jeremy Meyers: and i mean, everythings great in our relationship
1:34:58 AM Jeremy Meyers: yes i woul dlike to be having sex with her but on the other hand at this very moment i can’t say i like… MISS sex.. but that could be because it hasn’t really represented what it represents here
1:36:02 AM Jeremy Meyers: meh
1:36:03 AM neoviva2: yeah
1:36:13 AM Jeremy Meyers: i’m annoying myself
1:36:21 AM Jeremy Meyers: this is whats keeping it from happening
1:36:29 AM neoviva2: breeeeeeeeeeeeathe
1:36:37 AM neoviva2: what’re you actually afraid of
1:36:56 AM Jeremy Meyers: that it wont go well and she’ll leave
1:37:20 AM Jeremy Meyers: or that i’ll wait too long and she’ll get tired of waiting and leave
1:38:02 AM Jeremy Meyers: or that some expectation on either of our parts wont be met somehow and she’ll leave
1:38:09 AM Jeremy Meyers: (helloooo abandonment issues!)
1:38:21 AM neoviva2: *nods*
1:38:34 AM Jeremy Meyers: maybe it feels like it has to be the exact right time or theres a risk of it all going to ell
1:38:36 AM Jeremy Meyers: hell
1:38:43 AM Jeremy Meyers: which is ridiculous
1:39:31 AM Jeremy Meyers: gee
1:39:38 AM Jeremy Meyers: dont know that i knew that was under there.
1:39:46 AM Jeremy Meyers: thank you
1:40:32 AM neoviva2: πŸ™‚
1:40:40 AM neoviva2: dont be scaaaaaaaaaaared
1:40:50 AM neoviva2: it’s natural to feel that way… it’s your first time in a situation like this
1:41:40 AM Jeremy Meyers: yeah
1:43:02 AM Jeremy Meyers: persistent little fucker that abandonment stuff
1:43:41 AM neoviva2: yeah
1:43:53 AM neoviva2: well … if you never learn the basic shit… you wont have it when you need it
1:43:58 AM neoviva2: simple but not easy indeed hehe
1:44:11 AM Jeremy Meyers: yeah
1:47:33 AM Jeremy Meyers: i’m writing her an email
1:47:36 AM Jeremy Meyers: since she just went to be
1:47:38 AM Jeremy Meyers: d
1:48:29 AM Jeremy Meyers: after talking about it with a friend, i think i discovered that (surprise surprise) theres some abandonment stuff lingering underneath this too… theres a persistant thought that if we dont do it at the exact right time that either it wont go well and you’ll leave or that you’ll end up getting tired of waiting and want out, both of which i know are ridiculous, but dont know that i knew were behind some of this…

so, i feel more relaxed about it now…

i want you to know, too, that i know we can experiment and try different things and see what works sexually and that i know it doesn’t have to be “perfect” every time or a magical WB moment, and that having sex with you will always be special because of how we feel about each other, not because of some fantasy ‘first time’ experience.

I love you and look forward to lots of sex soon to come πŸ™‚ (no pun intended)

yours always


1:49:23 AM neoviva2: πŸ™‚
1:49:26 AM neoviva2: see?
1:49:27 AM neoviva2: done.
1:49:30 AM Jeremy Meyers: heh
1:50:27 AM Jeremy Meyers: thanks hon <3
1:50:37 AM neoviva2: youre welcome babe
1:50:45 AM Jeremy Meyers: hows meditation and stuff going?
1:50:53 AM neoviva2: slow
1:51:01 AM neoviva2: im still on about 3 min every other day. but it’s been helping
1:51:04 AM Jeremy Meyers: well thats a good ting wen it comes to meditation
1:51:05 AM Jeremy Meyers: heh
1:51:22 AM Jeremy Meyers: yeah i mean i dont think theres a ‘wrong’ way or a wrong pace
1:51:35 AM neoviva2: a lot of my belief systems have changed. and I find myself defending the wisdom of oneself and the ways of the universe
1:51:41 AM Jeremy Meyers: nice
1:51:50 AM Jeremy Meyers: thats more important… noticing a shift
1:51:57 AM neoviva2: yeah
1:51:59 AM neoviva2: hang on phne
1:52:40 AM Jeremy Meyers: i mean honestly i haven’t been doing formal sit-down-in-full-pose-meditation for awhile… i will do it a little when i get up some days, and will try to do like a minute during the day if i feel stressed ouut
1:58:34 AM Jeremy Meyers: must sleep
1:58:36 AM Jeremy Meyers: nite
1:58:37 AM Jeremy Meyers: <3

Written by admin

January 28th, 2010 at 11:44 pm

Posted in Kate

Kate in my headness

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(11:43:30 AM) jeremystudiod: i’m kinda glad its therapy thursday today, heh… kinda in my head
(11:43:54 AM) kate9881: sorry
(11:44:02 AM) jeremystudiod: no worries
(11:44:04 AM) jeremystudiod: not your fault
(11:44:09 AM) jeremystudiod: just is how it is right now
(11:44:13 AM) jeremystudiod: <3

(11:45:10 AM) kate9881: ok. i just feel kind of down right now too and sometimes i’m afraid it rubs off on you or other people
(11:45:45 AM) jeremystudiod: its okay if it does
(11:46:10 AM) jeremystudiod: we dont have to ‘protect’ each other from our moods
(11:47:05 AM) jeremystudiod: i mean i tend to be kinda empathic when it comes to people i’m close with
(11:47:26 AM) jeremystudiod: and it’ll all pass
(11:47:54 AM) jeremystudiod: “We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.”-Helen Keller
(11:48:34 AM) kate9881: do you have these quotes memorized?
(11:48:39 AM) jeremystudiod: hee
(11:48:46 AM) kate9881: or are you quickly googling inspirational quotes
(11:48:47 AM) jeremystudiod: no i just happened to see that one on the tweetstream as we were talking
(11:48:55 AM) kate9881: ha. ok

(11:50:36 AM) kate9881: well, if you ever want to talk about any stuff, you can tell me
(11:50:47 AM) jeremystudiod: i know
(11:50:48 AM) jeremystudiod: and i do
(11:51:11 AM) jeremystudiod: you help me a lot
(11:51:32 AM) kate9881: yes. sometimes i’m not sure if i should ask you more questions or something
(11:51:53 AM) jeremystudiod: dont feel the need to strategize
(11:51:59 AM) kate9881: no, i just mean
(11:52:10 AM) kate9881: i’ve noticed that you tend to try to draw things out of me
(11:52:24 AM) jeremystudiod: yeah
(11:52:29 AM) kate9881: whereas i don’t do that as much
(11:52:39 AM) kate9881: not just with you, but sometimes in general
(11:52:51 AM) kate9881: i think part of me thinks that it’s prying or something
(11:52:54 AM) jeremystudiod: yeah i mean and i also still tend to flip conversations around
(11:53:50 AM) jeremystudiod: so, if you feel like you want to ask a question or dig deeper, please please please do… if it comes from your heart…but if you get up in your head with “maybe i should ask him about xyz because i told him i would or blah blah blah” thats a different thing
(11:54:03 AM) jeremystudiod: not that you shouldn’t do it then too
(11:54:23 AM) kate9881: right, i got it
(11:54:34 AM) jeremystudiod: and i think we can both tell when we’re having a conversation that gets us up in our respective heads
(11:54:48 AM) kate9881: yeah

(11:55:02 AM) jeremystudiod: and thats fine because sometimes it happens

(12:01:35 PM) jeremystudiod: (and yes i try to convince myself of that too)

(12:02:02 PM) jeremystudiod: sometimes i feel like i come off all enlightened and fine with everything all the time, when things can be a struggle for me too
(12:02:49 PM) jeremystudiod: and thats when you asking me more questions would be helpful
(12:03:04 PM) kate9881: sometimes i get frustrated or confused or whatever and kind of stop really engaging in conversation or whatever. so just know that when that happens, i still love you so much. it’s just that i need to back off for a little bit.
(12:03:38 PM) jeremystudiod: thank yo
(12:03:38 PM) jeremystudiod: u
(12:04:11 PM) kate9881: i have a tendency to get worked up over things during IM conversations
(12:04:48 PM) kate9881: which is why it’s not a great platform for serious conversations
(12:04:48 PM) jeremystudiod: yeah i mean… i’m really used to IM being the conversational medium of choice in general, but i’m starting to realize that there are some conversations that should happen in person or on the phone or whatever

(12:05:12 PM) jeremystudiod: i mean a lot of my social life has been being on IM all the time
(12:06:01 PM) jeremystudiod: and honestly sometimes when you back off it triggers some of the abandonment stuff, which in my heart i know isn’t whats happening…so sometimes i overcompensate the other way by trying to grasp at the conversation and re-engage
(12:06:13 PM) kate9881: i know
(12:06:24 PM) jeremystudiod: even if the convo is over
(12:06:26 PM) kate9881: and i feel kind of terrible about it
(12:06:33 PM) jeremystudiod: dont
(12:06:51 PM) kate9881: i was kind of upset last night
(12:07:15 PM) kate9881: and just had to disconnect right away
(12:09:12 PM) jeremystudiod: i dont like upsetting you

(12:10:20 PM) jeremystudiod: i mean everythings great and i’m not worried about the actual thing but i dont want it to be an obstacle for us
(12:14:24 PM) jeremystudiod: and i dont think that that particular conversation needs to be rehashed again πŸ™‚ and yes of course we can talk to each other about the topic but that particular convo keeps us stuck about it
(12:14:25 PM) jeremystudiod: IMHO
(12:14:50 PM) kate9881: no, i’m not asking to continue it
(12:14:54 PM) jeremystudiod: no i know i’m not sayin you are

(12:15:00 PM) jeremystudiod: didn’t mean to imply
(12:15:15 PM) kate9881: i’m just saying, this is why i suddenly was like gotta go and got offline
(12:15:35 PM) jeremystudiod: and this morning
(12:15:37 PM) kate9881: i actually read your email last night
(12:15:41 PM) jeremystudiod: ah ok
(12:15:47 PM) kate9881: no, this morning, i really did have to leave
(12:15:52 PM) jeremystudiod: word
(12:16:14 PM) jeremystudiod: i needed to talk it through with a friend…she’d actually had something similar happen with her now-fiancee
(12:16:27 PM) jeremystudiod: i mean, i didn’t know that when i initially talked with her about it
(12:17:00 PM) kate9881: but i just felt bad about kind of leaving you hanging with some weirdness
(12:17:15 PM) kate9881: and i thought about responding to your email
(12:17:32 PM) jeremystudiod: i appreciate it
(12:17:44 PM) kate9881: but i still felt kind of worked up about it
(12:17:54 PM) kate9881: and just didn’t want to keep rehashing
(12:17:58 PM) jeremystudiod: totally
(12:18:18 PM) jeremystudiod: it did feel a little weird, but i tried to remind myself that under the weirdness there’s love, and that the weirdness will pass but the love remains
(12:18:25 PM) jeremystudiod: i’m so freakin poetic sometimes
(12:18:26 PM) jeremystudiod: πŸ˜‰
(12:18:54 PM) jeremystudiod: i mean the whole conversation felt kinda weird and in-my-head
(12:19:38 PM) kate9881: weirdness is a great poetic word
(12:19:54 PM) jeremystudiod: here bliss
(12:19:58 PM) kate9881: yeah i was (and still am a little bit) very much in my head about it

(12:20:37 PM) jeremystudiod: which is why i was saying that that particular angle on talking about it isn’t helpful
(12:20:42 PM) jeremystudiod: for either of us
(12:21:29 PM) kate9881: yes
(12:21:44 PM) jeremystudiod: Celeste (friend i was talking to about it) was basically like… ‘you know you love each other, and no matter how it works out, itll be coming from love, and if something goes weird or whatever you can get past it…so relax and enjoy it!”
(12:21:51 PM) kate9881: no, i think we both agree on that
(12:21:53 PM) jeremystudiod: which is why she’s one of the few people i actually ask for advice
(12:22:00 PM) kate9881: yeah that is good advice
(12:22:27 PM) jeremystudiod: and i’m working on letting go of the whole ‘it has to be a perfect magical moment the first time’ thing…not sure where i picked that up
(12:22:30 PM) kate9881: i just want to apologize for being kind of bratty, i guess
(12:22:41 PM) kate9881: too much WB
(12:22:44 PM) jeremystudiod: hee
(12:23:29 PM) kate9881: sometimes i kind of forget that we don’t play mindgames
(12:23:37 PM) kate9881: if that makes any sense
(12:23:44 PM) jeremystudiod: that there isn’t an ulterior motive?
(12:24:02 PM) jeremystudiod: i mean i think the topic is always charged for people in terms of the baggage we pick up along the way about it
(12:24:05 PM) kate9881: yeah, or just, i don’t know, i’m so used to that mindset
(12:24:30 PM) kate9881: not just about the sex discussion, but in general
(12:24:44 PM) jeremystudiod: i’m sorry stupid people played games with your mind

(12:25:02 PM) kate9881: if i feel like something might be kind of charged, i tend to get defensive and then exit the conversation first
(12:25:14 PM) jeremystudiod: yeah i mean
(12:25:24 PM) jeremystudiod: (don’t know where i picked up saying “i mean” a lot, either)
(12:25:39 PM) jeremystudiod: i think in this case ending the conversation was not a bad thing…we couldve kept going around and around forever
(12:26:36 PM) jeremystudiod: and i didn’t feel like you were being bratty… the whole “the longer it takes to do it, the more of a thing it becomes” kinda set me off
(12:26:57 PM) kate9881: ok
(12:27:25 PM) jeremystudiod: because then it kinda feels like every moment we’re not having sex is a step closer to you getting fed up
(12:28:54 PM) kate9881: not fed up
(12:29:13 PM) kate9881: i’m sorry if that’s how that came off
(12:29:37 PM) jeremystudiod: theres just this fear that if we dont do it soon theres gonna be like a “well if youre not gonna fuck me i’m gonna find someone who will!”
(12:29:42 PM) kate9881: look, i will wait as long as you need or i need or we both need or shatever
(12:29:51 PM) kate9881: shatever
(12:29:53 PM) kate9881: ha
(12:29:55 PM) jeremystudiod: ha
(12:29:56 PM) kate9881: anyway

(12:30:30 PM) kate9881: no, look, i’ve been down that road and i would never think that with you
(12:30:46 PM) jeremystudiod: and its not like i’m all “lets wait a year!” or anything
(12:30:49 PM) kate9881: i LOVE you
(12:31:06 PM) jeremystudiod: and its not a reflection of how i feel about you or having sex with you or being attracted to you
(12:31:52 PM) jeremystudiod: i LOVE you too. and i’m SO into you sexually.
(12:33:05 PM) jeremystudiod: but theres a combnation of that “better do it, shes not gonna wait around forever” fear and also like… “i love this girl, why are we waiting”… i dunno, its complicated in there
(12:33:13 PM) kate9881: totally get it
(12:33:29 PM) kate9881: but i love you and i’m not going anywhere
(12:33:33 PM) kate9881: no matter what
(12:33:37 PM) jeremystudiod: and then its goes around in circles because i feel silly for overthinking it
(12:34:10 PM) jeremystudiod: i need to hear that sometimes even tho i know its true, as i continue to work through some of the abandonment stuff
(12:34:28 PM) kate9881: ok
(12:34:59 PM) jeremystudiod: because one of the more powerful traps in my brain is “if its not like this, she’s gonna leave”

(12:35:31 PM) jeremystudiod: which i’m starting to be able to get some space around
(12:35:39 PM) jeremystudiod: so it doesn’t automatically kick in
(12:35:59 PM) jeremystudiod: and talking about in therapy
(12:36:46 PM) kate9881: yeah. but i’m not going anywhere
(12:36:48 PM) jeremystudiod: but sometimes i need to hear it… and even now theres the “well if she feels like she has to tell you that all the time, thats gonna be the thing that makes her leave”
(12:36:58 PM) kate9881: oh jeez!
(12:37:02 PM) jeremystudiod: its powerful
(12:37:09 PM) kate9881: do you think i’m that fickle?!
(12:37:14 PM) jeremystudiod: no
(12:37:15 PM) jeremystudiod: kate
(12:37:16 PM) jeremystudiod: seriously
(12:37:18 PM) jeremystudiod: its not about you
(12:37:25 PM) kate9881: i know. i know
(12:37:31 PM) jeremystudiod: its about my mom was supposed to be there for me and she left
(12:37:35 PM) kate9881: yes
(12:38:02 PM) jeremystudiod: and that big ball of anger and fear and betrayal sits there in my brain just looking for something to attach to in order to make it real
(12:38:21 PM) kate9881: yeah
(12:38:54 PM) jeremystudiod: so its more like…something gets triggered and it can lock in. not that i actually believe it in my heart
(12:39:02 PM) kate9881: but look, i trust you so much. and you can trust in me too
(12:39:12 PM) jeremystudiod: i do
(12:39:14 PM) jeremystudiod: i really do
(12:39:22 PM) jeremystudiod: i’ve never been this open about stuff with anyone
(12:39:26 PM) jeremystudiod: actually, not even sue.
(12:39:57 PM) kate9881: i haven’t either. this is very new for me too

(12:40:02 PM) jeremystudiod: <3
(12:40:21 PM) jeremystudiod: so i do trust you and i know you’re not going anywhere
(12:40:26 PM) jeremystudiod: but
(12:40:51 PM) jeremystudiod: if i tell you when something happens that is triggering the abandonment stuff, i dont want it to be like … something for you to feel bad about
(12:41:01 PM) kate9881: sure
(12:41:06 PM) kate9881: well, we’re all human
(12:41:08 PM) jeremystudiod: thats what i worry about when it comes up
(12:41:17 PM) kate9881: i mean, things will get triggered
(12:41:22 PM) jeremystudiod: that i dont want you to sit there feeling bad about a situation triggering something
(12:41:27 PM) jeremystudiod: because its not your fault
(12:41:32 PM) jeremystudiod: or mine
(12:41:35 PM) jeremystudiod: its just something that happens
(12:41:38 PM) jeremystudiod: like you just said
(12:41:38 PM) jeremystudiod: heh
(12:41:39 PM) kate9881: yes
(12:41:56 PM) jeremystudiod: i know that sometimes you have a tendency to beat yourself up about things
(12:42:05 PM) jeremystudiod: or make things your fault when they’re not
(12:42:25 PM) kate9881: i just felt bad that i was consciously being kind of a jerk
(12:42:41 PM) kate9881: and reverting in mindgame mode
(12:42:52 PM) jeremystudiod: i gotcha

(12:45:38 PM) jeremystudiod: i think i was so in my head at that point that i didn’t even notice
(12:46:23 PM) kate9881: ok
(12:46:36 PM) kate9881: well, i feel better
(12:46:41 PM) jeremystudiod: me too
(12:46:48 PM) kate9881: good
(12:46:51 PM) jeremystudiod: <3
(12:47:13 PM) jeremystudiod: i think either of us should be able to call time out on an on-our-heads conversation
(12:47:25 PM) jeremystudiod: if/when we notice
(12:48:33 PM) jeremystudiod: rather than relying on old habits that arent applicable with us
(12:48:56 PM) kate9881: yes good point

(12:50:56 PM) jeremystudiod: done and done
(12:51:02 PM) jeremystudiod: i love you
(12:54:37 PM) kate9881: i love you

Written by admin

January 28th, 2010 at 8:18 pm

Posted in Kate

Kate re: Grad school + Positivity

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Conversation with kate9881

Conversation with kate9881 on 1/15/2010 10:01:28 AM:
(10:01:35 AM) jeremystudiod: my IM was all screwy this mornin
(10:01:36 AM) jeremystudiod: happy friday!
(10:02:02 AM) kate9881: woohoo
(10:05:06 AM) jeremystudiod: i’m pretty psyched
(10:05:25 AM) kate9881: loooooong slow week
(10:08:57 AM) jeremystudiod: true
(10:09:00 AM) jeremystudiod: workwise at least
(10:09:03 AM) kate9881: yes
(10:11:47 AM) kate9881: :-*
(10:11:58 AM) jeremystudiod: mm yum
(10:12:02 AM) jeremystudiod: want some katekisses now :/
(10:12:16 AM) kate9881: xoxoxo
(10:12:27 AM) jeremystudiod: !
(10:12:28 AM) jeremystudiod: πŸ™‚
(10:23:13 AM) kate9881: pole-dancing classes?
(10:24:25 AM) kate9881:
(10:25:35 AM) jeremystudiod: apparently kimmel was on leno last night?
(10:25:41 AM) jeremystudiod: wow, they’re buying him out
(10:25:47 AM) jeremystudiod: is it wrong that i really want leno to tank now?
(10:26:31 AM) kate9881: yeah, i heard about kimmel
(10:27:27 AM) kate9881: i’m assuming he didn’t go on as leno
(10:27:44 AM) jeremystudiod: that would be awesome
(10:28:59 AM) kate9881: so i get an email from my boss this morning
(10:29:06 AM) jeremystudiod: ok
(10:29:30 AM) kate9881: don’t panic, not a layoff notice or anything
(10:30:49 AM) jeremystudiod: i wasn’t
(10:30:51 AM) kate9881: some woman from this art film company wants to organize an event about a chinese artist
(10:30:52 AM) kate9881: with a Social Media angel
(10:30:53 AM) jeremystudiod: i figured you wouldve lead with that πŸ™‚
(10:30:54 AM) kate9881: angle
(10:31:12 AM) kate9881: um
(10:31:12 AM) kate9881: wait
(10:31:24 AM) kate9881: she just walked into the head curators office and shut the door
(10:31:39 AM) kate9881: anyway
(10:31:56 AM) kate9881: it appears that our president just discovered something called Social Media
(10:32:16 AM) jeremystudiod: crazy!
(10:32:28 AM) jeremystudiod: well that could be good for you, actually
(10:32:34 AM) jeremystudiod: i mean, if you care to make it so
(10:32:34 AM) jeremystudiod: πŸ™‚
(10:32:38 AM) kate9881: “Aside from the film, we are currently trying to find a venue for a live Twitter feed with Ai Weiwei and Jack Dorsey, a co-founder of Twitter,”
(10:32:42 AM) kate9881: ??
(10:32:48 AM) kate9881: what does that even mean
(10:32:55 AM) jeremystudiod: i dont know
(10:33:01 AM) jeremystudiod: @jack would just do that?
(10:33:09 AM) kate9881: um prob not
(10:33:12 AM) jeremystudiod: maybe they think its like a video feed?
(10:33:21 AM) kate9881: i think so
(10:33:21 AM) kate9881: hahahaha
(10:33:32 AM) kate9881: it’s a Social Media event organized by two old ladies
(10:33:40 AM) jeremystudiod: i would follow grandmas on twitter
(10:33:51 AM) kate9881: they aren’t on twitter themselves, clearly
(10:35:27 AM) jeremystudiod: clearly
(10:35:39 AM) jeremystudiod: so…our connection to our network is down and has been all day
(10:35:42 AM) jeremystudiod: and now the phones dont work
(10:35:55 AM) jeremystudiod: this is not a good communication day
(10:36:41 AM) kate9881: nice!
(10:39:35 AM) kate9881: although we somehow failed to send a single tweet about last night
(10:45:59 AM) kate9881: and boss just walked into someone else’s office and closed the door
(11:06:03 AM) jeremystudiod: i sent somethign to Ryan
(11:06:05 AM) jeremystudiod: he couldn’t make it\
(11:08:19 AM) kate9881: scott_tobias Happy that readers are “ditto”-ing my love for The Cardigans, which are so, so much more than a one-hit wonder:
(11:08:29 AM) jeremystudiod: maybe they’re getting rid of your boss
(11:08:38 AM) jeremystudiod: yay the cardigans
(11:08:40 AM) jeremystudiod: and A Camp
(11:09:16 AM) kate9881: it could be nothing. who knows
(11:09:24 AM) jeremystudiod: yeah i mean
(11:09:30 AM) jeremystudiod: nothing you can do either way so nothing to worry about
(11:09:59 AM) kate9881: yeah, i’m so over this place, it’s like Shrug
(11:13:20 AM) jeremystudiod: the doors still suck tho
(11:14:02 AM) kate9881: what does this mean: “We believe we could podcast the talk, via a Twitter feed, enabling hundreds of thousands of people to listen in, and participate in real-time via tweeting as well… while attendees in the audience could actually see the feeds and real time tweets.
(11:14:18 AM) jeremystudiod: wow
(11:14:20 AM) jeremystudiod: it certainly
(11:14:21 AM) jeremystudiod:
(11:14:25 AM) jeremystudiod: well, i’ll say this for it
(11:14:29 AM) jeremystudiod: it has a lot of words.
(11:14:42 AM) kate9881: i don’t know how to respond to that
(11:14:50 AM) jeremystudiod: a paley center podcast would be cool
(11:15:13 AM) kate9881: our industry dude does a podcast
(11:15:18 AM) kate9881: that no one knows exists
(11:15:23 AM) kate9881: and/or cares about
(11:15:41 AM) jeremystudiod: right
(11:15:43 AM) jeremystudiod: but even like
(11:15:52 AM) jeremystudiod: audio recordings of events posted a week after the fact
(11:16:03 AM) kate9881: yeah, that would never happen
(11:16:53 AM) kate9881: we don’t like to let people actually SEE (or hear) what we do
(11:17:03 AM) jeremystudiod: well that was crazy
(11:17:56 AM) jeremystudiod: that would be crazy i mean
(11:18:07 AM) jeremystudiod: “Yeah Louis, if you have to defend/advocate for Aliens then you need some new friends. Who the fuck are you hanging out with, Paul Reiser?”
(11:18:54 AM) jeremystudiod: tasti-d-lite is now following me.
(11:19:20 AM) kate9881: nice
(11:19:24 AM) kate9881: boss just came over
(11:19:30 AM) kate9881: she wants to meet later
(11:19:45 AM) jeremystudiod: maybe about the twitter thing?
(11:21:45 AM) kate9881: “we need to talk about where we stand with everything”
(11:21:49 AM) kate9881: vague!
(11:21:54 AM) kate9881: she looks stressed
(11:22:09 AM) jeremystudiod: maybe pull together a status report thing
(11:22:20 AM) kate9881: i’m not worried, but it’s like she’s going out of her way to frighten everyone
(11:22:41 AM) jeremystudiod: not that you dont know where things stand, but it’d probably be good to come in with an answer to ‘where we stand with everything’
(11:23:05 AM) jeremystudiod: whoa
(11:23:22 AM) jeremystudiod: not to change the subject for just a moment, but theres apparently an art exhibition going on at the old tower records 4th street
(11:25:28 AM) kate9881: oh yeah?
(11:25:42 AM) jeremystudiod: #twitpic365 old tower records is now called no longer empty. birds made out of records.
(11:26:25 AM) kate9881: whoa
(11:30:44 AM) kate9881:
(11:32:38 AM) jeremystudiod: really? a senior exec at nbc said something nice about leno? *Coughspincough* shocking!
(11:33:02 AM) jeremystudiod: “Mr. Leno had his own fun during his monologue on Thursday, saying: β€œWith all the controversy going on here at NBC, actually, β€˜The Tonight Show’ with Conan O’Brien’s ratings have gone up. So you’re welcome.””
(11:33:14 AM) jeremystudiod: In this case, he added, β€œwe bet on the wrong guy.”
(11:33:15 AM) jeremystudiod: wow
(11:33:38 AM) kate9881: yeah…
(11:33:41 AM) jeremystudiod: In his monologue, Mr. Letterman dealt slams on Mr. Leno’s grabbing for every host job imaginable, including one joke that had Mr. Leno climbing out of Merv Griffin’s grave.
(11:33:41 AM) kate9881: nbc
(11:34:20 AM) jeremystudiod: kinda makes me want to watch weekend update
(11:34:26 AM) jeremystudiod: not enough to you know…actually watch weekend update
(11:34:27 AM) jeremystudiod: but
(11:36:52 AM) kate9881: ha
(11:36:58 AM) kate9881: ok, this is just sad
(11:37:31 AM) kate9881: job listing from galapagos art space
(11:38:07 AM) kate9881: pay is like 45K
(11:38:13 AM) jeremystudiod: ok
(11:38:25 AM) kate9881: and the job description is ridiculous
(11:38:32 AM) jeremystudiod: of course
(11:39:06 AM) kate9881: You have at least fifteen years professional experience and ten years successful management experience in at least three of the following: Small business ownership / partnership or senior management Systems analysis Process management Cultural / performing arts events booking and production Hospitality General Management IT management Team leadership Marketing management Public relations management Financial oversight / quickbooks / excel / financial management
(11:39:20 AM) jeremystudiod: oh non-profits.
(11:39:26 AM) kate9881: what person with ten yrs management experience wants to work for 45K???
(11:39:37 AM) jeremystudiod: why are you looking at non-profits anyway
(11:39:48 AM) kate9881: i’m not, i was looking at mediabistro
(11:39:53 AM) jeremystudiod: gotcha
(11:39:54 AM) kate9881: and i just click on everything
(11:40:02 AM) kate9881: curiosity
(11:40:06 AM) kate9881: although
(11:40:14 AM) jeremystudiod: brb <3
(11:40:15 AM) kate9881: ok, now i don’t think i’m going to pursue this
(11:40:25 AM) kate9881: i’ll type while you’re gone
(11:40:49 AM) kate9881: there’s an opening in adult programs at the brooklyn museum
(11:40:55 AM) kate9881: down the block from me
(12:22:10 PM) jeremystudiod: another museum
(12:23:49 PM) jeremystudiod: so i was thinking about your resume/linkedin stuff… and its like… everyone games their resume to a certain extent… not to lie but to make sure that they’re presented in the best possible light for everything they’ve done…its not like you can’t be yourself in the interview or whatever, but setting the stage is really about getting a lot of awesome stuff about you on paper. I really enjoy helping people with that process, and would be really happy to help with that in any way i can, and to help narrow down a focus that you can expand out into other industries or something…so, i know we’ve covered this, and of course its your decision, but just know that its not at all an imposition.
(12:27:21 PM) kate9881: sorry i had a call with the WGA
(12:28:28 PM) jeremystudiod: word
(12:29:13 PM) kate9881: interestingly, i just chatted with my mom about this
(12:29:20 PM) jeremystudiod: ok
(12:29:38 PM) kate9881: like, why i insist on doing everything on my own or the hard way
(12:29:49 PM) jeremystudiod: yeah
(12:29:54 PM) kate9881: (hard way, hehe)
(12:30:10 PM) jeremystudiod: awww yea
(12:30:38 PM) jeremystudiod: well i mean i think its in our nature to do the whole ego self me vs outside world need to be self-reliant thing
(12:30:51 PM) jeremystudiod: i know i have done that a lot
(12:31:04 PM) kate9881: yeah, for some reason that seems so important to me
(12:31:22 PM) kate9881: but anyway, she was basically like, you’re being dumb
(12:31:39 PM) kate9881: it’s stupid not to use your resources
(12:31:48 PM) kate9881: (not that she called me dumb or stupid)
(12:31:52 PM) jeremystudiod: its your brain creating an illusion of an identity separate from others…like a wall
(12:31:56 PM) jeremystudiod: cause of the bears thing
(12:32:04 PM) jeremystudiod: cause if it comes down to it and you’re attacked by bears, i wont necessarily be there πŸ™‚
(12:32:16 PM) jeremystudiod: its not stupid..its natural, but its also not that helpful
(12:33:32 PM) kate9881: she was like “let people be nice to you”
(12:33:43 PM) jeremystudiod: and its not like…something you can just suddently switch
(12:33:48 PM) kate9881: which is kind of interesting
(12:34:13 PM) jeremystudiod: but noticing your behavior is the first step..cause then you can get a little space between when a situation arises and when your automatic processes take over, a space to make a decision
(12:34:20 PM) kate9881: yeah
(12:34:51 PM) kate9881: i mean, i guess part of it is
(12:35:03 PM) kate9881: i have helped other people with their resumes
(12:35:08 PM) kate9881: hell, i used to critique them as part of my job
(12:35:20 PM) kate9881: i used to give workshops on the topic
(12:35:24 PM) jeremystudiod: ok
(12:35:48 PM) jeremystudiod: i help other people with their resumes, but with mine it was helpful to have someone else look at it more objectively
(12:35:56 PM) kate9881: but i get really embarrassed when i see other people describe themselves or their job responsibilities
(12:36:03 PM) kate9881: because it seems like BS
(12:36:20 PM) jeremystudiod: well theres a balance
(12:36:43 PM) jeremystudiod: it can be honest and also phrase things in a way that seems impressive even if it didn’t seem that impressive at the time you were doing it, ya know?
(12:36:52 PM) jeremystudiod: i mean my old resume was basically like “ho hum i did podcasts”
(12:37:19 PM) jeremystudiod: and now its like “conceptualized and produced 300 pieces of original content around some of the most important albums of all time, interviewed superstar artists” Etc
(12:37:30 PM) jeremystudiod: its the same activity, just a different spin
(12:37:56 PM) kate9881: right, well i don’t really like my “personal” acquaintances to read things like that about me
(12:37:58 PM) jeremystudiod: and certainly other people who will be applying for jobs will be spinning it
(12:38:10 PM) kate9881: i guess i’m afraid that someone will be like “you don’t really do that”
(12:38:19 PM) kate9881: even though that makes no sense
(12:38:26 PM) jeremystudiod: fears dont always make sense
(12:38:30 PM) kate9881: no shit
(12:38:34 PM) jeremystudiod: πŸ™‚
(12:38:38 PM) jeremystudiod: i think the “let people be nice to you” thing is important
(12:39:09 PM) jeremystudiod: i promise i will not be judgmental
(12:39:10 PM) jeremystudiod: i mean
(12:39:11 PM) kate9881: i know. it’s part of my whole “i have a hard time accepting compliments” thing
(12:39:18 PM) jeremystudiod: i get it
(12:39:19 PM) jeremystudiod: i reall do
(12:39:31 PM) jeremystudiod: we’re very alike in that way
(12:39:37 PM) kate9881: yeah i know
(12:40:04 PM) kate9881: i don’t have a problem sending my resume to total strangers
(12:40:07 PM) jeremystudiod: i find when i get compliments theres the tendency to do some kind of internal mental audit against what i feel is the worst parts of ‘me’ and then immediately disregard
(12:40:14 PM) kate9881: but i have a problem showing it to people i actually know
(12:40:39 PM) jeremystudiod: but i’ve learned over the months and years to begin to notice when i’m doing that and just say thank you
(12:40:42 PM) jeremystudiod: i mean it doesn’t always work
(12:40:49 PM) kate9881: yeah, i try too
(12:41:04 PM) jeremystudiod: well if you’d rather, i have a couple of friends who are good at it…or you could even go to a service or something
(12:43:44 PM) kate9881: i don’t necessarily think that would be any easier
(12:44:56 PM) kate9881: it’s weird, i don’t know when i developed this weird complex because i was looking at some emails from like 4-5 years ago
(12:45:04 PM) kate9881: and i was like, applying for jobs left and right
(12:45:10 PM) kate9881: that i was probably totally unqualified for
(12:45:21 PM) jeremystudiod: ok well
(12:46:21 PM) kate9881: but it’s like, since i took this job, i feel like i have no skills. or i’ll look at different job opportunities and talk myself out of applying, rather than saying “hey, this could be interesting”
(12:46:33 PM) jeremystudiod: totally get it
(12:47:44 PM) jeremystudiod: and i know for me a big part of the shift was getting to the point where i knowing that i had strong tools where i could just click ‘apply’ and have a strong resume and a linkedin page with details and substantive recommendations … basically to give my brain less ammo to talk me out of it
(12:49:42 PM) kate9881: yeah
(12:50:05 PM) jeremystudiod: i’m just kinda not sure how hard to push here.. i know you know i want to help and i know you’re looking at why you’re having a challenge with it, so would you like me to continue to bring it up or leave you be with it or… what would be most helpful for you?
(12:50:49 PM) kate9881: wow, you’re so accommodating
(12:51:18 PM) jeremystudiod: let me be nice to you! :-*
(12:52:41 PM) kate9881: i really want your help. i do. i just need to get over whatever issues i’m having, because they are holding me back from doing anything
(12:53:06 PM) jeremystudiod: if i can suggest
(12:53:11 PM) jeremystudiod: that you start with something small
(12:53:36 PM) jeremystudiod: and not be like ‘i need to get every part of this sorted out before i can do anything’… not that i’m saying you’re doing that, but its an easy trap to get stuk in
(12:54:49 PM) jeremystudiod: i know i was like that with relationships for a big part of last year
(12:55:03 PM) jeremystudiod: like…i need to get all my shit together before even thinking about a relationship
(12:55:38 PM) kate9881: yeah, i hear ya
(12:55:45 PM) jeremystudiod: and now
(12:55:47 PM) jeremystudiod: well, you know πŸ™‚
(12:55:53 PM) jeremystudiod: but i dont feel like i ‘have all my shit together’ anyway
(12:56:01 PM) kate9881: nobody does
(12:56:05 PM) jeremystudiod: yup
(12:57:00 PM) jeremystudiod: and its really the ones who SEEM the most pulled together who are the most wacky inside since they’re spending a lot of effort to seem pulled together
(12:57:01 PM) jeremystudiod: he
(12:57:01 PM) jeremystudiod: h
(12:57:44 PM) kate9881: i think what i want to get done that’s really holding me up is figuring out out to describe my job now
(12:58:17 PM) kate9881: and to some extent, how to weave together some of the more disparate portions of my job history
(12:58:30 PM) kate9881: b/c it all made sense when i was still doing education stuff
(12:59:04 PM) jeremystudiod: it may be helpful to do a braindump of everything youd o
(12:59:17 PM) jeremystudiod: including the stuff you dont get recognized for
(12:59:28 PM) kate9881: yeah. it’s just like, my resume now is really great for applying to museum jobs
(12:59:30 PM) jeremystudiod: trying not to edit
(12:59:33 PM) jeremystudiod: totally
(12:59:48 PM) kate9881: but not so much for anything else
(1:00:20 PM) kate9881: the job i have now is applicable to some less museum-y things
(1:01:06 PM) jeremystudiod: but i mean… from what you’ve told me, you’re a really great conceptual thinker in terms of matching content with audience in a way that is compelling and inexpensive.. you’re also strong on the execution and actualy getting it done, and organizing people, and you’re really good at communicating the cool bits and helping people feel like they’re part of something
(1:01:12 PM) kate9881: i’m not sure if i should just edit more stuff out, like maybe i don’t even mention teaching
(1:01:23 PM) jeremystudiod: all those things are SO in demand right now in the social media and corporate realm
(1:02:09 PM) jeremystudiod: i mean, those are three of the most important things to be good at when dealing with any kind of communications, be it online or offline
(1:02:36 PM) kate9881: yeah i guess
(1:02:46 PM) jeremystudiod: they are
(1:02:47 PM) jeremystudiod: trust e
(1:02:47 PM) jeremystudiod: me
(1:02:51 PM) jeremystudiod: i’m in this world
(1:02:53 PM) jeremystudiod: and i know
(1:02:53 PM) jeremystudiod: πŸ™‚
(1:03:41 PM) jeremystudiod: and we can work to focus on those things as common themes throughout your career history
(1:03:50 PM) jeremystudiod: that will make you a compelling prospect pretty much anywhere
(1:04:00 PM) kate9881: well i think the thing is
(1:05:34 PM) kate9881: i’m a lot better at explaining things in an interview than through my resume
(1:05:44 PM) jeremystudiod: me too
(1:06:02 PM) jeremystudiod: resume is basically the groundwork for people to want to know more
(1:06:08 PM) jeremystudiod: you dont have to explain everything in the resume
(1:06:11 PM) jeremystudiod: just give enough of a taste
(1:06:18 PM) jeremystudiod: its kind of like… be a tease
(1:07:51 PM) kate9881: like, if you sat me down and asked, why is it relevant that you taught kindergarten, i would have the ‘room’ to explain, how impossible the circumstances were
(1:08:12 PM) jeremystudiod: maybe you take that off the resume and save it for the interview?
(1:08:26 PM) jeremystudiod: its actually a good piece of information that gives insight into your personality
(1:08:29 PM) jeremystudiod: that may be a little flat on paper
(1:08:37 PM) kate9881: it is flat on paper
(1:08:41 PM) kate9881: but it’s a great story
(1:08:52 PM) jeremystudiod: so there you go
(1:08:57 PM) jeremystudiod: something to save for the interview
(1:09:10 PM) kate9881: they gave me a classroom of 30 spanish-only 5 year olds and i didn’t have a single book
(1:09:26 PM) kate9881: and i legally could not talk to them in spanish
(1:09:34 PM) kate9881: and none of the other teachers spoke english
(1:10:00 PM) kate9881: and none of them had ever been in school, period
(1:10:27 PM) kate9881: like, how the hell do introduce the concept of classroom behavior when you can’t use WORDS
(1:10:38 PM) jeremystudiod: what did you do
(1:11:22 PM) kate9881: no books, no curriculum. not really any supplies either
(1:11:39 PM) kate9881: also, i was 21
(1:11:47 PM) jeremystudiod: the odds were stacked against you!
(1:11:51 PM) kate9881: srsly
(1:25:17 PM) jeremystudiod: so what did you do
(1:28:37 PM) kate9881: sorry, i had to move some more sodas around
(1:28:43 PM) jeremystudiod: word
(1:28:49 PM) jeremystudiod: THAT goes on the resume, right at the top
(1:28:52 PM) jeremystudiod: expert soda mover arounder
(1:29:13 PM) kate9881: i had to use non-verbal communication for awhile
(1:29:19 PM) kate9881: like, act everything out
(1:29:48 PM) kate9881: classroom management is every teachers first priority
(1:30:21 PM) jeremystudiod: creative solution to a complex problem
(1:32:12 PM) kate9881: i mean, it’s sort of funny because on one hand, it forced me to break things down in a very organized, logical, clear way when speaking
(1:32:48 PM) kate9881: but also, not to talk down to kids, even 5 year olds
(1:33:04 PM) kate9881: interestingly, they picked up my speech patterns
(1:33:37 PM) kate9881: i guess because they were speaking and hearing spanish in every other facet of their lives
(1:33:52 PM) kate9881: i was the only native speaker they regularly encountered
(1:34:11 PM) jeremystudiod: did you end up learning more spanish?
(1:34:31 PM) kate9881: well, yeah, i mean i understood it really well at that point
(1:34:35 PM) kate9881: it was like immersion
(1:34:41 PM) jeremystudiod: so you taught and were taught
(1:34:41 PM) kate9881: but i didn’t speak it
(1:34:46 PM) kate9881: b/c they would laugh
(1:34:54 PM) kate9881: they found it hilaroius
(1:34:59 PM) kate9881: when i would try
(1:36:30 PM) jeremystudiod: hee
(1:36:34 PM) jeremystudiod: good bonding experience i bet
(1:36:40 PM) kate9881: anyway, i actually had really good success
(1:37:00 PM) kate9881: i think probably one of the biggest gainers in my TFA cohort
(1:37:11 PM) jeremystudiod: i bet
(1:37:15 PM) kate9881: (although partly b/c 5 year old are like sponges)
(1:37:31 PM) jeremystudiod: i frequently use 5 year olds to clean my bathroom tiles.
(1:37:33 PM) kate9881: but they could all read by the end of the year
(1:37:46 PM) jeremystudiod: i would definitely save that for the interview
(1:38:45 PM) kate9881: i should show you some of my stuff
(1:38:49 PM) kate9881: from that time
(1:38:57 PM) kate9881: i used to do a lot of art things with them
(1:38:58 PM) jeremystudiod: thatd be cool
(1:39:06 PM) kate9881: and i saved some of their work
(1:39:11 PM) kate9881: for my portfolio
(1:39:21 PM) kate9881: (back when i was doing more education stuff)
(1:39:35 PM) jeremystudiod: would be interesting to photograph/scan them and build an online portfolio of stuff youv’e done
(1:39:49 PM) kate9881: yeah, i’ve thought of that
(1:40:10 PM) kate9881: omg, i should dig up some of my journal entries
(1:40:17 PM) kate9881: some of them are really sad
(1:40:24 PM) jeremystudiod: πŸ™‚
(1:40:35 PM) kate9881: b/c the kids were really poor
(1:40:46 PM) kate9881: and had really weird ideas about me
(1:41:06 PM) kate9881: one time, we were talking about mommies and daddies or something
(1:41:35 PM) kate9881: and things that make us feel sad
(1:41:55 PM) kate9881: and a girl was like “do you feel bad when your boyfriend hits you?”
(1:41:57 PM) kate9881: to me
(1:42:03 PM) kate9881: like, she just assumed
(1:42:14 PM) kate9881: that was the norm
(1:42:17 PM) jeremystudiod: wow
(1:42:24 PM) jeremystudiod: well i mean
(1:42:29 PM) jeremystudiod: maybe that was happening with her parents?
(1:42:38 PM) kate9881: well, yeah, i figured
(1:42:53 PM) jeremystudiod: its not excactly uncommon amongst hispanic families, statistically..i mean, not to generalize
(1:42:53 PM) kate9881: some of the parents were my age
(1:43:20 PM) kate9881: yeah, unfortunately south phoenix is basically like mexico
(1:43:29 PM) kate9881: not that mexico in general is bad
(1:43:38 PM) kate9881: but compared to the rest of phoenix
(1:44:36 PM) kate9881: the other depressing thing
(1:45:07 PM) kate9881: was that i knew a lot more about effective teaching than most of the other teachers there
(1:45:21 PM) kate9881: and i barely knew what the hell i was doing
(1:45:54 PM) kate9881: some of my kids were further along than 1st graders
(1:47:04 PM) kate9881: brb
(1:47:11 PM) jeremystudiod: ok
(1:47:13 PM) jeremystudiod: <3
(1:52:43 PM) jeremystudiod: she’s back
(1:52:50 PM) kate9881: good grief, i have to restart twice a day
(1:52:57 PM) kate9881: our computers are so awful
(1:53:31 PM) kate9881: and i’m only using google chrome and outlook
(1:53:32 PM) jeremystudiod: we need to get you out of the nonprofit world
(1:53:50 PM) kate9881: that is enough to break this computer
(1:54:15 PM) kate9881: how is it almost 2?
(1:54:23 PM) jeremystudiod: i dont know
(1:54:32 PM) jeremystudiod: tho i was just thinking that today was going kinda slowly
(1:54:42 PM) jeremystudiod: i have a few projects i’m just not motivated to do right now.
(1:54:51 PM) kate9881: it was until our enraging call with wga
(1:54:59 PM) jeremystudiod: – Poster signing picture from last night’s “Planet Hulk” event in Los Angeles.”
(1:55:58 PM) kate9881: oh no! unauthorized photo
(1:56:13 PM) kate9881: let’s send a cease and desist
(1:56:22 PM) jeremystudiod: its from @paleycenter
(1:56:53 PM) kate9881: oh good
(1:56:56 PM) kate9881: nevermind
(1:57:03 PM) jeremystudiod: there was an event in LA?
(1:57:06 PM) kate9881: seriously, NO PHOTOS
(1:57:12 PM) kate9881: yeah, both locations
(1:57:15 PM) jeremystudiod: oh
(1:57:29 PM) jeremystudiod: now there are TWO photos
(1:58:12 PM) kate9881: we scream at people when they attempt to take photos with their phones in our lobby
(1:59:40 PM) jeremystudiod: you’ll be somewhere better soon enough
(2:03:26 PM) jeremystudiod:
(2:03:30 PM) kate9881: i think my boss permanently wrecked the positive working relationship i had with the WGA organizer
(2:03:40 PM) kate9881: i saw that. πŸ™
(2:03:49 PM) jeremystudiod: wahh wahh
(2:04:47 PM) kate9881: those people may never attend another WW meeting!
(2:15:39 PM) jeremystudiod: twilight is the bestselling book of 09
(2:15:57 PM) kate9881: the original?
(2:16:09 PM) jeremystudiod: new moon
(2:16:28 PM) kate9881: ah
(2:16:34 PM) kate9881: yeah, makes sense with the movie i guess
(2:16:51 PM) kate9881: i have not been outside yet
(2:17:18 PM) jeremystudiod: you should go
(2:17:19 PM) jeremystudiod: its nice
(2:17:21 PM) jeremystudiod: for january
(2:17:30 PM) kate9881: yeah, i’m hungry
(2:18:20 PM) jeremystudiod: mercury in retrograde in full effect here
(2:18:30 PM) jeremystudiod: now portland’s server access isn’t working
(2:18:46 PM) kate9881: what’s mercury in retrograde?
(2:19:12 PM) jeremystudiod:
(2:19:15 PM) jeremystudiod: that
(2:19:42 PM) kate9881:
(2:20:11 PM) kate9881: ah, gotcha
(2:20:34 PM) jeremystudiod: didn’t george do the 9/11 one too
(2:20:39 PM) kate9881: i think so
(2:20:47 PM) kate9881: not that i’m a huge fan of these telethons
(2:20:48 PM) kate9881: but
(2:21:38 PM) kate9881: for a second, i thought about suggesting that we maybe think of some way to participate
(2:21:56 PM) kate9881: but we have a stupid other event that night
(2:22:01 PM) jeremystudiod: well thats much more important
(2:22:18 PM) kate9881: some free rental
(2:22:22 PM) kate9881: friend of so-and-so
(2:22:33 PM) kate9881: we’ve done stuff for pangea day
(2:22:40 PM) kate9881: through TED
(2:23:00 PM) kate9881: and since these telethons things are all media-y
(2:23:08 PM) kate9881: but anyway
(2:23:14 PM) kate9881: we will continue ignoring
(2:23:20 PM) jeremystudiod: sweet
(2:23:33 PM) kate9881: oh and and and
(2:23:41 PM) kate9881: we said nothing about art clokey dying
(2:23:55 PM) kate9881: even though there was a big gumby exhibit here a few years ago
(2:24:01 PM) kate9881: and i’m sure there’s plenty of stuff to post
(2:24:08 PM) jeremystudiod: it will be good for you to go somewehere else where there are different frustrationg
(2:24:11 PM) jeremystudiod: frustrations
(2:25:05 PM) kate9881: i mean, i know there are frustrations everywhere
(2:25:11 PM) jeremystudiod: there are
(2:25:11 PM) kate9881: but the weird thing about this place is
(2:25:16 PM) kate9881: we never DO anything
(2:25:19 PM) kate9881: we do so little
(2:25:22 PM) jeremystudiod: it seems like the frustrations are directly in the way of your passion
(2:25:25 PM) kate9881: for having this many employees
(2:25:27 PM) jeremystudiod: which is super frustrating
(2:25:40 PM) jeremystudiod: seems like everyone’s perfected the art of doing the minimum allowed
(2:26:08 PM) kate9881: oh totally
(2:26:14 PM) kate9881: we always laugh about that
(2:26:33 PM) kate9881: and everyone’s great at saying why we can’t do this or that
(2:26:36 PM) kate9881: it’s so negative
(2:26:39 PM) jeremystudiod: sounds like sony
(2:26:45 PM) kate9881: never, here’s how we can
(2:26:48 PM) kate9881: always NO NO NO
(2:26:48 PM) jeremystudiod: yup
(2:26:52 PM) jeremystudiod: live in the solution not in the problem
(2:26:59 PM) jeremystudiod: is LA like that too or is it more of a nyc-specific thing
(2:27:08 PM) kate9881: i have no clue about LA
(2:27:17 PM) kate9881: it’s a different organization essentially
(2:27:23 PM) kate9881: there’s only 10 people
(2:27:31 PM) kate9881: they do their own thing
(2:27:39 PM) jeremystudiod: ah
(2:28:50 PM) jeremystudiod: has your boss talked to you yet?
(2:28:58 PM) jeremystudiod: or even set up a time to do so?
(2:29:08 PM) kate9881: no
(2:29:20 PM) kate9881: i doubt we will see her again today
(2:29:35 PM) jeremystudiod: ok
(2:29:41 PM) jeremystudiod: just didn’t want it hanging over your head or anything
(2:29:43 PM) jeremystudiod: ok brb have a meeting
(2:29:50 PM) jeremystudiod: i love you, this year is gonna rock
(3:54:22 PM) jeremystudiod: whats shakin
(4:01:58 PM) kate9881: just got out of the mtg
(4:02:57 PM) jeremystudiod: how was it
(4:03:27 PM) kate9881: she never mentioned any of the layoffs
(4:03:29 PM) kate9881: somehow
(4:03:36 PM) jeremystudiod: well thats good at least
(4:03:50 PM) kate9881: well, it’s only because she hates conflict
(4:04:29 PM) kate9881: we didn’t really get through much
(4:04:35 PM) jeremystudiod: well i mean
(4:04:37 PM) kate9881: our schedule sucks, blah blah blah
(4:04:48 PM) jeremystudiod: its not like it was a “this is the hardest job a manager has to do” convo
(4:05:11 PM) kate9881: no but she’s always like this
(4:05:13 PM) kate9881: she never tells us anything
(4:05:20 PM) jeremystudiod: she doesn’t let other people be nice to her
(4:05:20 PM) kate9881: that’s unpleasant
(4:06:40 PM) kate9881: and ritty has once again commandeered every event happening in the next two months
(4:07:13 PM) jeremystudiod: did you mention that to your boss?
(4:07:15 PM) jeremystudiod: i mean
(4:07:25 PM) jeremystudiod: at sony when everyone was afraid of losing their jobs, there were constant land grabs
(4:07:28 PM) jeremystudiod: sometimes you need to take them back
(4:08:07 PM) kate9881: it’s complicated
(4:08:26 PM) kate9881: it’s because she has working relationship with the same old people
(4:08:30 PM) kate9881: vh1 and espn
(4:08:44 PM) kate9881: neither of which i care about
(4:08:49 PM) kate9881: those programs are usually shitty promotional things anyway
(4:08:59 PM) kate9881: everything i do i have to start from scratch
(4:09:20 PM) kate9881: plus the head curator brings her in on everything
(4:09:26 PM) kate9881: and not me
(4:09:46 PM) jeremystudiod: what can you do to address it in a small way
(4:09:53 PM) jeremystudiod: it sounds lame and totally familiar
(4:10:08 PM) jeremystudiod: jsut trying to see if theres a way for you to have something to do
(4:10:17 PM) kate9881: i honestly don’t care about addressing it. then i’d just have to work on shitty programs
(4:10:24 PM) kate9881: i have plenty to do
(4:10:51 PM) kate9881: but she has all the stuff happening in the immediate future
(4:10:59 PM) jeremystudiod: i know that but in terms of having the opportunity to work on some of the stuff you care abotu
(4:11:00 PM) jeremystudiod: about
(4:12:42 PM) kate9881: i don’t care about a reggie miller documentary though
(4:12:59 PM) kate9881: or soul train, because they’re not even doing it right
(4:13:10 PM) jeremystudiod: well i’m just thinking because you said that she’s commandeered all the immediate future stuff
(4:13:24 PM) jeremystudiod: is there an immediate futuer thing you can either take back or assist on or start up, something eacy
(4:13:25 PM) jeremystudiod: easy
(4:13:25 PM) kate9881: the wga was the one thing i was working on
(4:13:34 PM) kate9881: and my boss shut that down today
(4:14:12 PM) jeremystudiod: what happened there
(4:15:24 PM) kate9881: she thought it was coming up too fast and too insider-media-y
(4:16:01 PM) kate9881: “economics of digital media”
(4:16:21 PM) jeremystudiod: right
(4:16:38 PM) jeremystudiod: cause certainly the only people thinking of how much it costs to create digital content are ‘insider media’ people
(4:16:40 PM) jeremystudiod:
(4:16:46 PM) kate9881: i mean, yeah that’s of no interest to our membership. who cares? our members are insane olds
(4:17:09 PM) jeremystudiod: as of may of last year, 20 hours of video are uploaded to youtube every minute
(4:18:03 PM) kate9881: and then the curator was like “we only deal with content”
(4:18:03 PM) kate9881: i dunno
(4:18:09 PM) kate9881: it’s a losing battle
(4:18:20 PM) jeremystudiod: it is
(4:18:22 PM) kate9881: but then
(4:18:29 PM) kate9881: the wga woman was like
(4:18:30 PM) jeremystudiod: sony laid off the cfo of the catalog group
(4:18:47 PM) kate9881: just recently?
(4:18:56 PM) jeremystudiod: this week
(4:21:27 PM) kate9881: yikes
(4:21:29 PM) kate9881: omg
(4:21:32 PM) kate9881: so get this
(4:21:36 PM) jeremystudiod: ?
(4:21:37 PM) kate9881: ritty just came over
(4:21:47 PM) kate9881: apparently after the meeting
(4:21:53 PM) kate9881: or after i went upstairs
(4:22:00 PM) kate9881: my boss “remembered”
(4:22:08 PM) kate9881: to tell us about the closings and layoffs
(4:22:16 PM) jeremystudiod: ok
(4:22:25 PM) kate9881: and told ritty to tell me
(4:22:36 PM) jeremystudiod: sounds professional.
(4:22:43 PM) kate9881: yeah, very
(4:22:45 PM) jeremystudiod: anyone you’d miss?
(4:22:48 PM) jeremystudiod: or did they not say who yet
(4:22:57 PM) kate9881: don’t know who
(4:23:00 PM) jeremystudiod: ok
(4:23:01 PM) kate9881: i mean i know some
(4:23:15 PM) kate9881: but apparently she was like
(4:23:27 PM) kate9881: there’s been panic and rumors that this means we’re closing
(4:23:35 PM) kate9881: blah blah
(4:23:38 PM) jeremystudiod: “i can tell you that thats MONTHS away” πŸ˜‰
(4:23:50 PM) kate9881: but this isn’t part of any grand plan
(4:23:52 PM) kate9881: uh huh
(4:23:56 PM) kate9881: riiiiiiiight
(4:24:02 PM) kate9881: we’re doing great!
(4:24:18 PM) jeremystudiod: criterion is doing Paris, Texas
(4:24:24 PM) jeremystudiod: and Ride with the Devil
(4:24:34 PM) jeremystudiod:
(4:24:35 PM) kate9881: with jewel?
(4:24:41 PM) jeremystudiod: yea
(4:24:46 PM) jeremystudiod: i forgot that movie existed
(4:25:56 PM) kate9881: so did we all
(4:32:31 PM) jeremystudiod: <3<3
(4:34:21 PM) kate9881: i just got an invite to some vassar alum thing
(4:34:28 PM) kate9881: with NO location
(4:34:29 PM) kate9881: well done
(4:34:36 PM) jeremystudiod: perfect
(4:34:40 PM) jeremystudiod: you should rsvp saying you’ll go
(4:34:47 PM) jeremystudiod: because no matter where you are, you’ll be ther.
(4:34:48 PM) jeremystudiod: e
(4:34:52 PM) kate9881: but hey, there’s a CASH BAR
(4:35:01 PM) kate9881: and a 10 cover
(4:35:09 PM) kate9881: thanks vassar
(4:35:45 PM) jeremystudiod: do you talk to everyone you’d care to see there?
(4:35:52 PM) jeremystudiod: i feel like facebook > reunions
(4:36:27 PM) kate9881: i was one of the planners of our 5 year reunion and i didn’t even go
(4:36:38 PM) kate9881: i was our class treasurer
(4:36:45 PM) jeremystudiod: nerd
(4:36:48 PM) jeremystudiod: :-*
(4:36:59 PM) kate9881: !
(4:37:01 PM) kate9881: not even
(4:37:11 PM) kate9881: i planned all the parties
(4:48:14 PM) kate9881: i may leave early
(4:48:30 PM) jeremystudiod: ok
(4:48:36 PM) jeremystudiod: i can’t fill out my timesheet
(4:48:38 PM) jeremystudiod: no network access
(4:48:42 PM) jeremystudiod: i’ve gotten very little doe
(4:49:30 PM) jeremystudiod: just hanging at home tonight?
(4:49:51 PM) kate9881: oh i gotta do my timesheet
(4:50:00 PM) kate9881: i don’t know what i’m doing tonight
(4:50:15 PM) kate9881: i’m feeling a little pms-y
(4:50:20 PM) kate9881: my boobs hurt
(4:50:27 PM) kate9881: headache
(4:50:37 PM) jeremystudiod: oh right thats coming up soon
(4:51:27 PM) kate9881: good times, good time
(4:51:33 PM) jeremystudiod: heh
(4:52:00 PM) jeremystudiod: well dont some birth control pills affect the intensity
(4:52:49 PM) kate9881: some. it depends
(4:52:58 PM) kate9881: don’t get too excited though
(4:53:04 PM) kate9881: the doctor may say no
(4:53:09 PM) kate9881: i have a feeling she might
(4:53:13 PM) kate9881: she’s kind of a bitch
(4:53:13 PM) jeremystudiod: i wasn’t getting excited
(4:53:33 PM) jeremystudiod: i was just saying i know it sucks for you when its happening, painwise, so if theres something that could help…
(4:53:41 PM) jeremystudiod: regardless of fringe benefits
(4:54:00 PM) jeremystudiod: just tell her your boyfriend is vesuvius
(4:54:09 PM) kate9881: um
(4:54:24 PM) jeremystudiod: heh
(4:54:34 PM) jeremystudiod: !!
(4:54:36 PM) kate9881: i have a weird feeling she may be a man-hatin’ super lesbian
(4:54:58 PM) kate9881: !
(4:56:41 PM) kate9881: together again
(5:06:55 PM) jeremystudiod: pornstars on twitter are so amusing
(5:08:12 PM) jeremystudiod:,37145/
(5:10:30 PM) jeremystudiod: read this
(5:10:31 PM) jeremystudiod:
(5:17:40 PM) kate9881: i would like a pair of patience pants
(5:18:01 PM) jeremystudiod: can i get into your patience pants?
(5:18:34 PM) kate9881: you would not ask me that if you were also wearing patience pants
(5:18:59 PM) jeremystudiod: ding
(5:19:04 PM) jeremystudiod: i would have also accepted “eventually”
(5:19:44 PM) kate9881: wow
(5:19:56 PM) kate9881: quite the comedian
(5:20:04 PM) jeremystudiod: funny and hot
(5:20:05 PM) jeremystudiod: thats me
(5:21:05 PM) kate9881: yes, i’m very lucky
(5:21:23 PM) jeremystudiod: you say that jokingly but i know you mean it so i love you
(5:21:28 PM) kate9881: angela said she was going to tell me about the muppets
(5:21:33 PM) kate9881: i didn’t say that jokingly
(5:21:36 PM) jeremystudiod: oh
(5:21:37 PM) jeremystudiod: ok
(5:21:38 PM) jeremystudiod: πŸ™‚
(5:21:39 PM) jeremystudiod: :-*
(5:21:49 PM) jeremystudiod: sometimes i assume sarcasm where none exists
(5:21:51 PM) kate9881: there wasn’t any winky face or punctuation that would imply joking
(5:32:01 PM) jeremystudiod: fair point
(5:32:20 PM) kate9881: i am lucky. you’re the bestest
(5:33:15 PM) jeremystudiod: <3<3
(5:33:25 PM) jeremystudiod: we’re tied for bestest
(5:33:43 PM) kate9881: true
(5:39:49 PM) kate9881: oh man, i said i was gonna leave at 5:30
(5:40:03 PM) jeremystudiod: youd id
(5:40:15 PM) kate9881: 5:45
(5:40:18 PM) kate9881: i gotta
(5:40:24 PM) jeremystudiod: ok
(5:41:10 PM) jeremystudiod:
(5:41:21 PM) kate9881: yes, i saw it the first three times πŸ˜‰
(5:41:35 PM) jeremystudiod: oh did it send to you via facebook?
(5:41:38 PM) jeremystudiod: it was giving me an error
(5:41:43 PM) kate9881: yes
(5:41:49 PM) jeremystudiod: sorry
(5:41:57 PM) kate9881: damn you!
(5:42:17 PM) jeremystudiod: πŸ™
(5:42:23 PM) jeremystudiod: :'(
(5:42:41 PM) kate9881: no wait, i don’t want you to burn in hell
(5:42:46 PM) kate9881: i take it back
(5:42:49 PM) jeremystudiod: yay!
(5:45:22 PM) jeremystudiod: how am i so busy and have gotten nothing done
(5:45:22 PM) jeremystudiod: :/;
(5:49:59 PM) jeremystudiod: go home
(5:50:05 PM) kate9881: yeah i will
(5:50:11 PM) kate9881: i’m just chatting w/ ange
(5:50:19 PM) jeremystudiod: what did she want to tell you about the muppets
(5:50:20 PM) jeremystudiod: tell her i say hi
(5:50:25 PM) kate9881: i asked her if everyone’s hanging out without me lately
(5:50:41 PM) kate9881: and she was like, you’re always busy with your man
(5:50:45 PM) jeremystudiod: aw
(5:50:54 PM) kate9881: and i was like, you never even invite me anywhere
(5:51:03 PM) jeremystudiod: tell her to invite us both! i like your friends
(5:51:15 PM) jeremystudiod: and you guys can sneak off and talk about me
(5:51:15 PM) jeremystudiod: heh
(5:51:46 PM) jeremystudiod: tho i think early days of a relationship are okay to readjust a balance of hangtime
(5:51:47 PM) kate9881: she said they’re not all hanging out
(5:51:50 PM) jeremystudiod: ok
(5:54:00 PM) kate9881: she said they want to hang out some time
(5:54:08 PM) kate9881: so, are we going to spoon?
(5:54:25 PM) jeremystudiod: if we can get tix we should go
(5:54:38 PM) kate9881: are they on sale yet
(5:54:52 PM) jeremystudiod: pre-order was
(5:54:57 PM) kate9881: oh right
(5:55:11 PM) jeremystudiod: which of course i’d forgotten tossing up for
(5:55:18 PM) kate9881: tossing up!
(5:55:24 PM) kate9881: sounds dirty
(5:55:28 PM) jeremystudiod: whoa
(5:55:29 PM) jeremystudiod: SIGNING up for
(5:57:20 PM) kate9881: ange said they’re buying kaki king tix
(5:57:43 PM) jeremystudiod: what venue?
(5:57:57 PM) jeremystudiod: i hear she’s good live
(5:58:42 PM) kate9881: bowery
(5:59:33 PM) kate9881: april 16
(6:00:38 PM) jeremystudiod: ok
(6:00:40 PM) jeremystudiod: are we invited?
(6:01:02 PM) kate9881: yes
(6:01:52 PM) kate9881: they’re bringing bhavi’s ex-boyfriend, so she didn’t want to send out a mass email to everyone
(6:02:06 PM) jeremystudiod: do people not like him?
(6:02:36 PM) kate9881: no, well, he was a friend of mikael’s, and then he broke bhavi’s heart and it was horrible
(6:02:45 PM) jeremystudiod: oh
(6:02:52 PM) kate9881: so he can’t really hang out with everyone b/c of bhavi
(6:02:56 PM) jeremystudiod: got it
(6:03:02 PM) kate9881: but he’s still friends with mikael
(6:03:08 PM) kate9881: he’s actually a nice guy
(6:03:13 PM) kate9881: just handled things badly
(6:03:13 PM) jeremystudiod: just didn’t work out?
(6:03:14 PM) jeremystudiod: ah
(6:03:15 PM) jeremystudiod: yeah
(6:03:20 PM) kate9881: i’ll tell you some time
(6:03:21 PM) jeremystudiod: ok
(6:04:35 PM) jeremystudiod: dammit!
(6:04:39 PM) kate9881: ?
(6:04:40 PM) jeremystudiod: suzanne vega is playing tonight and i forgot πŸ™
(6:04:43 PM) jeremystudiod: i always miss her
(6:04:48 PM) kate9881: in new york?
(6:04:50 PM) jeremystudiod: yeah
(6:04:52 PM) jeremystudiod: at city winery
(6:05:02 PM) kate9881: can you go after your dinner?
(6:07:37 PM) jeremystudiod: maybe
(6:07:44 PM) jeremystudiod: kaki king at bowery or at williamsburg music hall
(6:08:13 PM) kate9881: they’re going to bowery
(6:08:36 PM) jeremystudiod: ok
(6:08:43 PM) jeremystudiod: should i get 2 tix?
(6:14:22 PM) kate9881: sure
(6:16:41 PM) jeremystudiod: is a very high-pressure site.
(6:16:42 PM) jeremystudiod: o
(6:16:42 PM) jeremystudiod: done
(6:16:50 PM) jeremystudiod: two tix for 4/16 at bowery
(6:16:58 PM) jeremystudiod: so we have to stay together at least til then πŸ˜‰
(6:17:36 PM) kate9881: yeah, ange just pointed that out
(6:17:52 PM) kate9881: i was like, yeah, i’m pretty confident πŸ˜‰
(6:18:23 PM) jeremystudiod: hee
(6:18:24 PM) jeremystudiod: aww
(6:18:25 PM) jeremystudiod: me too
(6:18:33 PM) jeremystudiod: i didn’t even think about it
(6:18:39 PM) kate9881: me neither
(6:19:22 PM) jeremystudiod:
(6:21:47 PM) kate9881: this is lame but i thought about trying to go to a nada surf show
(6:21:56 PM) kate9881: and when i checked, it was sold out
(6:21:56 PM) jeremystudiod: my friend kelly LOVES nada surf
(6:22:03 PM) jeremystudiod: they were doing full albums
(6:22:06 PM) kate9881: they are doing 3 album shows
(6:22:07 PM) kate9881: yep
(6:22:14 PM) kate9881: the first two are sold out
(6:22:20 PM) jeremystudiod: thats not lame
(6:22:20 PM) kate9881: the last one, i’m not all that crazy about
(6:22:25 PM) jeremystudiod: i liked “let go”
(6:22:26 PM) kate9881: it is a little
(6:22:31 PM) jeremystudiod: inside of love is a great song
(6:22:36 PM) kate9881: i’ve already seen them live
(6:22:44 PM) kate9881: so it’s not a huge deal
(6:22:55 PM) jeremystudiod: kristie’s friend accidently made out with the singer
(6:23:01 PM) kate9881: but intellectually, i know they aren’t that good
(6:23:16 PM) kate9881: yeah, i think you mentioned that
(6:24:14 PM) kate9881: inside of love is a really sad song to listen to when you are single
(6:25:00 PM) jeremystudiod: yes
(6:25:04 PM) jeremystudiod: not that i did that
(6:26:03 PM) jeremystudiod: ok
(6:26:04 PM) jeremystudiod: GO HOME
(6:27:48 PM) jeremystudiod: i’m gonna head to dinner
(6:27:59 PM) kate9881: cool
(6:28:03 PM) kate9881: i’m leaving too
(6:28:05 PM) jeremystudiod: sweeet
(6:28:10 PM) kate9881: ritty just told me to leave
(6:28:24 PM) jeremystudiod: i love you lots, lady. it’s all gonna work out. get some cleaning or organizing or something done tonight
(6:28:32 PM) jeremystudiod: and we get a whole weekend plus some together!
(6:28:37 PM) kate9881: yeah
(6:28:39 PM) kate9881: fun times
(6:28:47 PM) jeremystudiod: yes.
(6:28:49 PM) jeremystudiod: indeed
(6:28:53 PM) jeremystudiod: we can try out the slow cooker
(6:28:53 PM) kate9881: have fun
(6:28:56 PM) kate9881: totally
(6:28:57 PM) jeremystudiod: will do
(6:29:00 PM) kate9881: love you lots
(6:29:00 PM) jeremystudiod: <3<3
(6:29:03 PM) kate9881: bye!

(10:08:26 AM) kate9881: well
(10:08:34 AM) jeremystudiod: well well
(10:08:35 AM) kate9881: yeah, that went pretty much like i thought
(10:08:38 AM) jeremystudiod: ?
(10:09:00 AM) kate9881: i have to wait for the gynecologist
(10:09:06 AM) jeremystudiod: ok
(10:09:12 AM) jeremystudiod: how was the physical otherwise
(10:09:30 AM) kate9881: and do some fasting blood tests
(10:09:46 AM) jeremystudiod: hmm
(10:09:50 AM) jeremystudiod: for the thyroid stuff?
(10:09:53 AM) kate9881: fine. i actually lost a little more weight
(10:09:58 AM) jeremystudiod: nice
(10:09:59 AM) jeremystudiod: πŸ™‚
(10:10:12 AM) jeremystudiod: i mean you know i love you regardless, but since thats a goal of yours πŸ™‚
(10:10:32 AM) kate9881: well i assumed i would have gained some b/c of the not running and xmas eating and stuff
(10:10:36 AM) jeremystudiod: right
(10:13:31 AM) kate9881: although she said the breath test thing was not as good as before
(10:13:42 AM) kate9881: i think it’s just because of the winter
(10:14:35 AM) jeremystudiod: i guess all our one-meal days paid off
(10:14:44 AM) jeremystudiod: did you get blood work done?
(10:14:55 AM) kate9881: no i have to go to a lab
(10:15:01 AM) jeremystudiod: ah ok
(10:15:07 AM) kate9881: and be fasting and do some weird special test thing
(10:15:12 AM) jeremystudiod: for what?
(10:15:28 AM) kate9881: oh i dunno. she wants to rule out some bacterial thing in my stomach
(10:15:33 AM) jeremystudiod: ahh
(10:15:45 AM) kate9881: but you have to fast and take a pill beforehand
(10:15:58 AM) jeremystudiod: so no eating this week?
(10:16:19 AM) kate9881: no, just 6 hours
(10:16:27 AM) jeremystudiod: oh ok
(10:16:29 AM) kate9881: but i have to wait a couple weeks
(10:16:45 AM) kate9881: b/c i need to not be taking this other medication to do the test
(10:16:48 AM) jeremystudiod: but overall things look good? did you get yelled at for anything?
(10:16:49 AM) kate9881: it’s complicated
(10:17:02 AM) kate9881: she did say i need a massage
(10:17:03 AM) kate9881: hahahaha
(10:17:10 AM) kate9881: she felt my shoulders
(10:17:14 AM) kate9881: and was like “oh my god”
(10:17:34 AM) jeremystudiod: hmm
(10:17:35 AM) jeremystudiod: ok
(10:17:51 AM) jeremystudiod: well you do have all that work drama stress floating around
(10:18:25 AM) kate9881: yeah. i know my shoulders are always tight
(10:18:35 AM) kate9881: but i can’t really get massages
(10:18:38 AM) kate9881: it kinda hurts
(10:19:16 AM) kate9881: my back is really sensitive
(10:19:29 AM) jeremystudiod: maybe acupuncture?
(10:20:26 AM) kate9881: for the tension?
(10:20:33 AM) jeremystudiod: yeah
(10:21:24 AM) kate9881: i dunno. i think i’m too dubious for that
(10:21:32 AM) jeremystudiod: i mean
(10:21:37 AM) jeremystudiod: you could give it a shot
(10:21:51 AM) jeremystudiod: certainly any skilled acupuncturist has dealt with dubious folks before πŸ™‚
(10:21:59 AM) kate9881: i’m sure
(10:22:10 AM) jeremystudiod: just a thought
(10:22:11 AM) kate9881: i think it’s more like
(10:22:38 AM) kate9881: having tight shoulders doesn’t really bother me. it seems to bother people who touch me
(10:22:45 AM) jeremystudiod: heh
(10:22:58 AM) jeremystudiod: well i mean… my shoulders are pretty ridonkulous too
(10:23:03 AM) jeremystudiod: my muscles in general
(10:23:11 AM) jeremystudiod: maybe we just dont have anything to compare it to
(10:23:25 AM) kate9881: i guess
(10:23:38 AM) kate9881: i just mean, it’s not like i’m wandering around uncomfortable all day
(10:23:58 AM) kate9881: it’s only when other people squeeze my shoulders in an uncomfortable way
(10:24:02 AM) kate9881: that i even notice
(10:24:09 AM) jeremystudiod: hey you dont have to talk me into it…was just sayin if massages hurt then acupuncture may achieve similar results without the pain of it
(10:24:17 AM) kate9881: no i know
(10:24:46 AM) kate9881: i just think it’s kind of strange like, you’re in a doctor’s office in a paper gown and they’re all surprised that you seem stressed
(10:24:51 AM) kate9881: it’s a stressful situation
(10:24:55 AM) jeremystudiod: heh
(10:24:55 AM) jeremystudiod: it is
(10:25:06 AM) jeremystudiod: a sexy sexy stressful situation
(10:25:15 AM) kate9881: oh and get this
(10:25:43 AM) kate9881: so at one point, the doctor’s like, ‘i’m really sore, i went to the gym last night for the first time in 3 years”
(10:25:46 AM) kate9881: like WTF!
(10:25:54 AM) kate9881: you’re scolding me?!
(10:26:10 AM) kate9881: she’s heavier than i am
(10:26:22 AM) jeremystudiod: do as i say not as i do, i guess
(10:26:24 AM) jeremystudiod: doctors are people too
(10:26:26 AM) kate9881: yeah
(10:26:29 AM) kate9881: no i know
(10:26:30 AM) jeremystudiod: kinda
(10:26:43 AM) kate9881: but then i think they should be more empathetic
(10:26:51 AM) jeremystudiod: i agree
(10:26:54 AM) kate9881: or she should
(10:27:03 AM) jeremystudiod: hey, i’ve had enough doctors call me fat throughout the years as if it would be total news to me
(10:27:40 AM) kate9881: yeah “oh really? gee i hadn’t ever thought about that!”
(10:28:17 AM) jeremystudiod: “wow here all this time i thought i was too skinny! you mean i have an increased risk of heart disease? boy that doesn’t make me want to go home and eat a pizza topped with oreos to make the shame go away!”
(10:28:55 AM) kate9881: pizza topped with oreos
(10:29:10 AM) jeremystudiod: yeah i dunno where that came from
(10:29:17 AM) kate9881: somewhere, that’s a real dish
(10:29:30 AM) jeremystudiod: and its probably on
(10:29:42 AM) kate9881: yes
(10:35:20 AM) kate9881: how are you this morning?
(10:35:33 AM) jeremystudiod: eh
(10:35:38 AM) jeremystudiod: i mean i’m good but work is eh
(10:37:10 AM) kate9881: right
(10:37:22 AM) kate9881: well, at least it’s tuesday
(10:37:24 AM) kate9881: and not monday
(10:37:36 AM) jeremystudiod: yes
(10:37:41 AM) jeremystudiod: i’m doing my timesheet!
(10:37:51 AM) jeremystudiod: and then i have to redo my self-evaluation because it wasn’t accurate enough!
(10:37:52 AM) jeremystudiod: or something
(10:39:58 AM) kate9881: you weren’t accurate enough about yourself?
(10:40:16 AM) jeremystudiod: in the context of the questions they wanted answered
(10:44:00 AM) jeremystudiod:
(10:44:03 AM) jeremystudiod: the zuckerview
(10:44:21 AM) kate9881: did you watch it
(10:44:50 AM) jeremystudiod: no
(10:44:58 AM) jeremystudiod: i’m too busy doing my timesheet
(10:45:03 AM) jeremystudiod: and accounting for all of my time
(10:45:14 AM) jeremystudiod: since thats the best use of my time
(10:47:40 AM) kate9881: of course
(10:53:12 AM) jeremystudiod: so you didn’t get yelled at for anything at the dr?
(10:58:02 AM) kate9881: you are very concerned about that
(10:58:04 AM) kate9881: hahaha
(10:58:23 AM) jeremystudiod: well only because you said she always yells at you about something and you end up feeling bad
(10:59:18 AM) jeremystudiod:
(11:02:15 AM) kate9881: ooh
(11:02:20 AM) kate9881: muse headlining?
(11:02:23 AM) kate9881: thanks, twilight
(11:02:26 AM) jeremystudiod: uyp
(11:03:24 AM) jeremystudiod: i dunno, coachella is always ALMOST good enough to brave the desert
(11:03:33 AM) kate9881: if those festivals weren’t such clusterf*cks, i’d be more interested
(11:03:44 AM) kate9881: 3 days of assholes
(11:04:02 AM) jeremystudiod: except lilith fair
(11:04:15 AM) jeremystudiod: coachella especially is pretty heinous, music industry douchebagwise
(11:04:43 AM) kate9881: yeah i can imagine
(11:04:52 AM) jeremystudiod: i’m listening to the new Spoon
(11:05:04 AM) kate9881: oh yeah?
(11:05:21 AM) jeremystudiod: its not as good as i was hoping
(11:05:42 AM) kate9881: well, maybe it’s just the first listen
(11:05:50 AM) kate9881: it usually takes me a couple times
(11:06:14 AM) jeremystudiod: ceu and sia are both playing
(11:06:54 AM) kate9881: and devo
(11:07:17 AM) jeremystudiod: therse a band called “Hadouken!”
(11:07:20 AM) jeremystudiod: i think i hate them
(11:07:30 AM) kate9881: just from the name?
(11:07:38 AM) jeremystudiod: yes
(11:07:45 AM) jeremystudiod:
(11:08:40 AM) jeremystudiod:
(11:08:45 AM) jeremystudiod: its got thom yorke with a bunch of question marks
(11:08:48 AM) jeremystudiod: way to be reliable there, dude
(11:09:14 AM) kate9881: ha
(11:09:26 AM) kate9881: what’s the deal with lcd soundsystem
(11:09:40 AM) jeremystudiod: what do you mean
(11:09:47 AM) kate9881: new album?
(11:09:57 AM) jeremystudiod: oh
(11:09:58 AM) jeremystudiod: no idea
(11:10:02 AM) kate9881: i kind of don’t get why people are that into him
(11:10:24 AM) kate9881: a couple years ago i went to see arcade fire
(11:10:35 AM) kate9881: and he was one of the openers
(11:10:40 AM) jeremystudiod: he’s ironic
(11:10:42 AM) kate9881: and there were these kids in front of us
(11:10:47 AM) kate9881: (from vassar, strangely)
(11:10:53 AM) jeremystudiod: he wrote a song about daft punk!
(11:10:58 AM) kate9881: who were sooooo excited about him
(11:11:17 AM) kate9881: and it’s like, “eh, sounds just like the album”
(11:11:50 AM) kate9881: he’s just a dude
(11:12:03 AM) kate9881: it’s not like he has some super exciting stage presence
(11:14:03 AM) kate9881: someone is printing out page after page at the printer
(11:14:07 AM) kate9881: and it’s driving me insane
(11:14:26 AM) kate9881: it stops, it starts, it stops, it starts
(11:14:42 AM) jeremystudiod: WHAT THE FUCK IS PC LOAD LETTER
(11:14:50 AM) kate9881: sounds dirty
(11:14:59 AM) jeremystudiod: can i load your letter?
(11:15:05 AM) kate9881: uh huh
(11:23:06 AM) jeremystudiod:
(11:23:19 AM) kate9881: yeah, saw it
(11:26:23 AM) kate9881: i really like the laura veirs album, btw
(11:26:28 AM) jeremystudiod: πŸ™‚
(11:26:34 AM) kate9881: finally got to listen through a couple times
(11:26:36 AM) jeremystudiod: i have her last one you’re welcome to
(11:28:04 AM) kate9881: holy crap, health insurance is expensive
(11:28:32 AM) kate9881: i’m thinking of downgrading to the crappier plan
(11:41:09 AM) kate9881: john travolta is sending scientology ministers to haiti
(11:41:11 AM) kate9881: thank god!
(11:41:17 AM) jeremystudiod: or thank xenu
(11:41:25 AM) kate9881: same thing
(11:41:29 AM) jeremystudiod: cause you know what those people need right now is more religion
(11:41:47 AM) kate9881: yep
(11:42:36 AM) jeremystudiod: the grammys are next week?
(11:43:05 AM) kate9881: the grammys still exist?
(11:46:08 AM) jeremystudiod: apparently
(11:46:19 AM) jeremystudiod: tho i hear its basically just a way to give beyonce more stuff
(11:47:03 AM) kate9881: and she needs it
(11:53:24 AM) jeremystudiod: totally
(11:53:27 AM) jeremystudiod: totally underrated
(11:53:51 AM) kate9881: working on the resume
(11:54:03 AM) jeremystudiod: ok cool
(11:54:13 AM) kate9881: i can’t bring myself to do work
(12:00:13 PM) kate9881: well this is weird
(12:00:19 PM) jeremystudiod: ?
(12:00:28 PM) kate9881: we’re doing this really dumb thing with wnet
(12:00:39 PM) kate9881: it’s a long story
(12:00:48 PM) kate9881: anyway, basically we have to invite all these old people to do one-on-ones
(12:00:50 PM) jeremystudiod: ok
(12:01:19 PM) kate9881: and my boss was like “kate, why do you work on the invitation letter”
(12:01:37 PM) kate9881: and i think i made a face or something
(12:01:42 PM) kate9881: b/c i fucking HATE this shit
(12:01:56 PM) kate9881: and ritty was all like “i’ll work on it too”
(12:02:00 PM) kate9881: so anyway
(12:02:06 PM) kate9881: that was like more than a week ago
(12:02:13 PM) kate9881: so i never did anything with it
(12:02:25 PM) jeremystudiod: hmm…ok
(12:02:30 PM) kate9881: i just totally didn’t even think about it
(12:02:38 PM) jeremystudiod: ok
(12:02:45 PM) kate9881: because this whole thing is stupid
(12:03:21 PM) kate9881: so anyway, just now, ritty sends out an email with a draft of the letter
(12:03:25 PM) kate9881: that she wrote, i guess
(12:04:27 PM) kate9881: she sent to to our boss and the curators and me
(12:04:37 PM) kate9881: now, i guess i should have worked on it
(12:04:48 PM) jeremystudiod: yeah i mean
(12:04:57 PM) jeremystudiod: even though you think its dumb doesn’t mean its not a priority for other people
(12:04:59 PM) kate9881: but i think it’s weird that she didn’t send it to me first
(12:05:32 PM) jeremystudiod: well maybe she assumed you wouldn’t be working on it?
(12:05:40 PM) kate9881: maybe? i dunno
(12:05:52 PM) kate9881: i think at our last meeting i said i was working on it
(12:05:54 PM) kate9881: (lie)
(12:06:22 PM) kate9881: but our boss was specifically like “kate, you are good at writing these letters”
(12:06:37 PM) jeremystudiod: well thats nice, to be recognized for your writing talents at least
(12:06:56 PM) kate9881: wow, i’m good at writing form letters. yay me
(12:06:57 PM) kate9881: hahahaha
(12:07:04 PM) jeremystudiod: *shrug* not everyone is
(12:07:27 PM) kate9881: i’m tempted to quickly write up my own letter
(12:07:32 PM) kate9881: and send it to my boss
(12:07:37 PM) jeremystudiod: so do it
(12:07:43 PM) jeremystudiod: since it sounds like its what you want to do
(12:07:47 PM) jeremystudiod: let them decide which one to use
(12:07:49 PM) kate9881: eh, i kinda don’t feel like it
(12:07:53 PM) jeremystudiod: it’ll take you 10 minutes
(12:07:56 PM) kate9881: i don’t want this WNET thing to happen
(12:08:17 PM) jeremystudiod: it seems like they have a talent for stuff not happening regardless of whether you do your part, and at least this way you will have done what was asked of you
(12:08:36 PM) kate9881: i guess
(12:08:44 PM) jeremystudiod: dont screw yourself over unnecessarily
(12:09:03 PM) kate9881: i know, but i just don’t care anymore
(12:09:18 PM) jeremystudiod: i know you dont, but if its easy for you, you might as well do the minimum
(12:09:32 PM) jeremystudiod: its easy to get into a spiral of dont care/dont work/get yelled at/get resentful/dont care
(12:09:35 PM) jeremystudiod: until they get rid of you
(12:09:44 PM) kate9881: i know
(12:10:21 PM) jeremystudiod: so i think if you can knock out a letter in 15mins, might as well do it
(12:15:44 PM) jeremystudiod: ok gonna go grab some lunch
(12:15:46 PM) jeremystudiod: <3
(12:31:17 PM) jeremystudiod: back
(12:36:45 PM) kate9881: i’m writing the letter
(12:37:00 PM) jeremystudiod: ok
(12:38:42 PM) kate9881: i hate writing BS
(12:39:05 PM) jeremystudiod: believe me i understand
(12:39:11 PM) kate9881: i know
(12:52:45 PM) jeremystudiod: wow
(12:57:36 PM) kate9881: wow?
(12:57:40 PM) jeremystudiod:
(12:58:04 PM) kate9881: ok, i sent my boss a draft of the letter
(12:58:08 PM) kate9881: ah well
(12:58:11 PM) jeremystudiod: well done
(12:58:58 PM) kate9881: are ships even allowed to dock there?
(1:08:28 PM) kate9881: ugh. i need to figure out this kevin pollak thing
(1:08:33 PM) jeremystudiod: is he bugging you?
(1:08:40 PM) kate9881: no, i just need to respond
(1:08:43 PM) jeremystudiod: maybe he’ll be in NY for the premiere of the kevin smith thing?
(1:08:54 PM) kate9881: i had a long talk with the clearances person
(1:08:59 PM) kate9881: hmmm
(1:09:10 PM) kate9881: what’s the release date on that?
(1:09:13 PM) kate9881: feb, right?
(1:09:35 PM) jeremystudiod: checking
(1:09:48 PM) jeremystudiod: 2/26
(1:10:06 PM) kate9881: fab
(1:10:08 PM) kate9881: thanks
(1:10:14 PM) jeremystudiod: yw
(1:11:38 PM) kate9881: what’d you have for lunch?
(1:11:46 PM) jeremystudiod: miso soup and salmon sushi
(1:12:58 PM) kate9881: i love that nbc’s media site is all “conan tops letterman in key demos, best ratings ever!!!”
(1:13:05 PM) jeremystudiod: hee
(1:13:08 PM) jeremystudiod: lemonade!
(1:13:18 PM) kate9881: yep
(1:15:18 PM) jeremystudiod:
(1:15:19 PM) jeremystudiod: hee
(1:15:40 PM) kate9881: whoa
(1:15:45 PM) kate9881: totally jeffersonian
(1:24:48 PM) kate9881: what do i want for lunch
(1:25:05 PM) jeremystudiod: BTW the smoking gun/wyclef article was a fabrication
(1:25:37 PM) kate9881: dude, wyclef himself admitting that the organization has problmes
(1:25:45 PM) kate9881: admitted. oy
(1:25:54 PM) jeremystudiod: all orgs have problems
(1:25:58 PM) kate9881: yes but
(1:26:03 PM) jeremystudiod: the specific accusations were not accurate
(1:26:10 PM) kate9881: he is not set up to provide immediate aid to haiti
(1:26:21 PM) kate9881: he doesn’t have the infrastructure
(1:27:38 PM) kate9881: i’m not saying wyclef is a bad guy
(1:28:07 PM) kate9881: i just think that people are giving him money b/c of his celebrity
(1:28:22 PM) kate9881: without doing the research about where the money would help most right now
(1:29:35 PM) jeremystudiod: well ppl are doing the same thing with the red cross
(1:30:09 PM) kate9881: i know
(1:30:27 PM) kate9881: i didn’t say red cross was perfect either
(1:30:39 PM) jeremystudiod: yes you did!
(1:30:40 PM) jeremystudiod: πŸ˜‰
(1:30:40 PM) kate9881: essentially all these organizations are giant behemoths
(1:30:58 PM) jeremystudiod: large non-profits are like the worst of all possible worlds, effectiveness-wise
(1:32:01 PM) kate9881: well, it’s impossible to send someone’s money directly from a text into the hands of a needy haitian
(1:32:16 PM) jeremystudiod: …yet.
(1:32:43 PM) kate9881: unfortunately haiti is ridiculously screwed up in any case
(1:37:54 PM) jeremystudiod: everyplace is
(1:37:56 PM) jeremystudiod: except denmark
(1:38:17 PM) kate9881: well, haiti is pretty corrupt
(1:38:35 PM) kate9881: unfortunately, none of us probably cared too much before this happened
(1:39:06 PM) jeremystudiod: theres only so many hours in the day for caring
(1:39:15 PM) kate9881: yes
(1:39:37 PM) jeremystudiod: this is supposed to be the stuff our big govt cares about and lets us know how we can help
(1:41:08 PM) kate9881: i doubt haiti was first on the big gov’t’s list either
(1:47:25 PM) jeremystudiod: lots of countries having problems
(1:47:30 PM) jeremystudiod: can’t fix everything
(1:48:02 PM) kate9881: nope
(1:48:43 PM) jeremystudiod:
(1:56:41 PM) kate9881: oh yes, mental hygiene
(1:56:52 PM) kate9881: i should lend you my mental hygiene book
(1:56:55 PM) kate9881: it’s really funny
(1:57:07 PM) kate9881: we did a series at moving image with those films
(1:57:52 PM) jeremystudiod: πŸ™‚
(1:58:42 PM) kate9881: must eat lunch
(1:59:23 PM) jeremystudiod: you want a fruit salad and a chicken quesadilla
(1:59:41 PM) kate9881: no
(1:59:42 PM) kate9881: sorry
(1:59:49 PM) jeremystudiod: you want…
(1:59:59 PM) jeremystudiod: edamame and a steamed pork bun
(2:00:18 PM) jeremystudiod: you want… bacon and bacon bacon
(2:00:45 PM) kate9881: i think i will have to settle for salad or something
(2:00:49 PM) kate9881: maybe udon
(2:00:55 PM) jeremystudiod: salad with bacon?
(2:01:16 PM) kate9881: i’m restricting myself to bacon only when i’m with you
(2:01:26 PM) kate9881: otherwise it’s just too much bacon temptation
(2:03:08 PM) jeremystudiod:
(2:03:11 PM) jeremystudiod: fair enough
(2:03:20 PM) jeremystudiod: i really only have it at rshotel and with you
(2:08:24 PM) kate9881: i just wrote the craziest BS about emma roberts
(2:08:25 PM) kate9881: hahahaha
(2:08:32 PM) kate9881: i hate this invites
(2:26:32 PM) kate9881: ok, finally going to lunch
(2:26:43 PM) jeremystudiod: yay
(2:46:14 PM) kate9881: soup
(2:51:02 PM) jeremystudiod: C:\Users\jmeyers\Downloads
(2:51:03 PM) jeremystudiod: oops
(2:51:08 PM) jeremystudiod:
(2:57:29 PM) kate9881: well
(2:57:34 PM) kate9881: my first thought is
(2:57:41 PM) kate9881: is she a grad school drop out
(2:57:46 PM) kate9881: my second thought is
(2:58:13 PM) kate9881: blogging doesn’t make you an expert on jobs in the real world
(2:58:14 PM) kate9881: that said
(2:58:18 PM) kate9881: i basically agree
(2:58:31 PM) kate9881: grad school is a waste of time like 95% of the time
(2:58:49 PM) kate9881: however
(2:59:01 PM) kate9881: because i realize that
(2:59:15 PM) kate9881: that’s why i only wanted to apply to that one program
(2:59:35 PM) kate9881: because the whole point of it was to funnel people into the media business
(2:59:40 PM) kate9881: who actually know stuff
(3:03:59 PM) kate9881: i just get annoyed when bloggers are all “you want to really make a difference? BLOG! START YOUR OWN BUSINESS!”
(3:04:20 PM) kate9881: ok, thanks, i’ll just tap into that trust fund!
(3:04:23 PM) jeremystudiod: heh
(3:04:24 PM) jeremystudiod: i mean
(3:04:24 PM) jeremystudiod: i get it
(3:04:47 PM) jeremystudiod: i do think having a blog with quality content in the field that you’re interested in can definitely help in the job finding process
(3:04:55 PM) jeremystudiod: its a tiny fraction of a percent of people who make money from blogging
(3:05:01 PM) jeremystudiod: even the most popular bloggers have actual jobs
(3:05:23 PM) kate9881: i know
(3:05:24 PM) kate9881: but
(3:05:41 PM) kate9881: i think part of the whole “c’mon start bloggin'” thing is because
(3:05:49 PM) kate9881: it makes lonely bloggers feel better
(3:05:53 PM) jeremystudiod: heh
(3:05:55 PM) jeremystudiod: quite possible
(3:05:58 PM) kate9881: maybe lonely is not the right word
(3:06:18 PM) kate9881: but by saying “this makes a HUGE difference!” it means their blogging is worthwhile
(3:06:30 PM) kate9881: and i’m not saying it always isn’t
(3:07:00 PM) kate9881: but there’s like 10 sides to that topic
(3:07:20 PM) kate9881: and in her way-cool blogging, she’s very flip
(3:07:59 PM) kate9881: “preparation is hesitation”
(3:08:07 PM) kate9881: that sounds good on a blog
(3:08:26 PM) kate9881: and does not really apply to real life
(3:08:46 PM) jeremystudiod: sometimes
(3:09:17 PM) kate9881: “I spent years in college yearning to be done with school. Especially the flash card part.”
(3:09:21 PM) kate9881: that’s fine for her, if flash cards were her experience
(3:09:30 PM) kate9881: that wasn’t mine
(3:09:35 PM) kate9881: i LOVED college
(3:09:49 PM) kate9881: it changed my life in so many ways and opened a lot of doors for me
(3:10:05 PM) kate9881: a lot of people feel that way about grad school
(3:11:36 PM) kate9881: i have friends who are actually changing the world b/c of grad school
(3:12:09 PM) kate9881: because they have a masters in international health or environmental studies
(3:13:00 PM) jeremystudiod: i think she tries to make her path everyone’s path and assumes that her experience is global
(3:13:36 PM) jeremystudiod: that said i dont necessarily think that lots of higher education is the only path to a successful career in any given field other than medical or legal
(3:14:04 PM) kate9881: no, it’s obviously not the only path. and for most people it’s not the right path
(3:14:10 PM) jeremystudiod: especially since so many universities are so out of date with materials and their teaching styles and taking new tehcnology and the availability of new information into account
(3:14:24 PM) kate9881: what makes you say that
(3:14:40 PM) jeremystudiod: one sec
(3:22:43 PM) jeremystudiod: i dont know, i know a lot more about the state of public high schools, but a lot of my friends who have gone to undergrad at least complain that the teachers dont really take the internet into account, and class sizes are way too big and they feel like theres a lot of memorization rather than learning
(3:23:44 PM) kate9881: what do you mean take the internet into account? as a source of information?
(3:28:13 PM) jeremystudiod: and the cultural impact on whatever topic they might be covering, and a source of data
(3:29:21 PM) jeremystudiod: brb caffeined\
(3:31:45 PM) kate9881: well, it really depends on the subject matter. i mean, i can only speak from my experience at a liberal arts school
(3:32:18 PM) kate9881: but, most of what we would read were primary documents, or classic literature
(3:33:08 PM) kate9881: and there wasn’t much memorization at all (except in intro art history, with the slides)
(3:33:18 PM) kate9881: it was all a lot of reading and class discussion
(3:33:47 PM) kate9881: i took a couple journalism theory classes and the internet was definitely discussed
(3:34:08 PM) kate9881: however, i think at liberal arts school, they are mostly trying to give you a theoretical foundation
(3:34:20 PM) kate9881: to put things in context
(3:34:43 PM) kate9881: sometimes you have to start with the absolute basics
(3:35:05 PM) kate9881: my filmmaking prof made us cut film with hand crank reel thingies
(3:35:13 PM) kate9881: but i learned a ton from that
(3:35:32 PM) kate9881: and it helps when i use final cut or imovie or whatever
(3:36:23 PM) kate9881: and i know that i definitely incorporated online communities into my thesis
(3:36:55 PM) kate9881: i mean, that was kinda just me, but still. we use the internet for research more than the actual library most of the time
(3:38:11 PM) kate9881: i mean, the thing is, the model is that you get a really broad background as an undergrad, and then you go to grad school and delve into something specific
(3:38:31 PM) kate9881: of course, that doesn’t really work unless you want to continue in academia
(3:38:59 PM) kate9881: i mean, i’d love to know how my poli sci classes have changed in the past 7 years, or whatever
(3:41:00 PM) kate9881: i’m a huge nerd though. i really loved being somewhere old and pretty where you could have crazy intellectual discussions in the hallway at 3 am and get up at noon and look at dutch art for two hours with an amazing professor
(3:50:22 PM) jeremystudiod: yeah thats why i like going to rshotel and some conferences and things
(3:50:24 PM) jeremystudiod: smart conversations
(3:50:58 PM) jeremystudiod: since so much of my day is ‘teaching’
(3:51:34 PM) kate9881: yeah
(3:52:26 PM) kate9881: i loved college so much. i CRIED when i drove away after graduation
(3:52:46 PM) kate9881: and then i immediately did TFA and the real world slapped me hard
(3:52:57 PM) jeremystudiod: heh
(3:53:16 PM) jeremystudiod: i had a similar experience with my high school
(3:53:25 PM) jeremystudiod: it was set up much like a college
(3:53:31 PM) jeremystudiod: lots of smart debate and community
(3:53:58 PM) jeremystudiod: i would stay there until 7 or 8 most nights, talking with teachers and other students about all manner of things
(3:54:21 PM) kate9881: but that’s why i can’t really blame people for wanting to extend college
(3:54:49 PM) kate9881: granted, grad school is different. you’re mostly working on your own specific project
(3:55:37 PM) kate9881: and i’m always shocked that people go so deeply into debt, just to eventually work at a non profit
(3:55:47 PM) jeremystudiod: well
(3:55:55 PM) jeremystudiod: as with anything, its not the thing, its your relationship to the thing
(3:56:09 PM) kate9881: but if you’re funded by the university, who cares?
(3:56:19 PM) jeremystudiod: yup
(3:56:52 PM) kate9881: i had a chip on my shoulder about this for a long time
(3:57:21 PM) kate9881: i felt like a failure for not going to grad school
(3:57:25 PM) jeremystudiod: you sound very passionate about it
(3:57:41 PM) kate9881: plus i have dropped out of two different programs
(3:58:22 PM) kate9881: but as time went on, it started to make NO financial sense
(3:59:18 PM) kate9881: and i saw that even BRILLIANT people were getting rejected from every phd program they’d apply to
(3:59:33 PM) kate9881: meaning there would be no hope for me in terms of doing that
(3:59:39 PM) kate9881: no phd = no funding
(4:00:13 PM) kate9881: the only reason the MIT program worked was because it was a fully funded MA
(4:00:39 PM) kate9881: so after that fell through, i went back up to vassar to talk to my professors/mentors
(4:01:13 PM) kate9881: they said to take the rest of the year and look at other places to apply
(4:01:19 PM) kate9881: which i didn’t do
(4:01:38 PM) kate9881: one prof said “forget it, just apply to law school”
(4:01:45 PM) kate9881: which is the shittiest advice ever
(4:01:51 PM) jeremystudiod: do you wish you had?
(4:02:06 PM) kate9881: applied to other places?
(4:02:22 PM) jeremystudiod: yea
(4:02:23 PM) kate9881: there aren’t any other funded programs that aren’t phd.
(4:02:43 PM) kate9881: plus, i don’t know what i would do with that anyway
(4:03:02 PM) kate9881: at MIT they had really good industry connections
(4:03:15 PM) kate9881: that other schools don’t have
(4:03:19 PM) jeremystudiod: yeah
(4:03:25 PM) kate9881: not to mention the money
(4:03:33 PM) kate9881: i just can’t afford it anyway
(4:03:49 PM) kate9881: i can barely afford to live, as it is
(4:04:40 PM) jeremystudiod: word
(4:04:44 PM) jeremystudiod: good things are ahead
(4:05:32 PM) kate9881: maybe
(4:05:48 PM) jeremystudiod: believe it and it makes it more likely to happen
(4:06:04 PM) kate9881: unfortunately, i’ve never believed that
(4:06:05 PM) kate9881: hahaha
(4:06:12 PM) jeremystudiod: you can try it πŸ™‚
(4:06:23 PM) jeremystudiod: i’ve never nkown a happy pessimist
(4:06:25 PM) kate9881: i don’t believe in the power of positive thinking
(4:07:03 PM) jeremystudiod: its not magic
(4:07:09 PM) kate9881: pessimist isn’t the right word
(4:07:27 PM) jeremystudiod: and positive thinking isn’t the same as denying that bad things happen
(4:07:46 PM) kate9881: no, but i like to be realistic
(4:08:15 PM) jeremystudiod: i’ve found that ‘realistic’ tends to be on the negative side, with people
(4:09:09 PM) kate9881: well, that’s because the real world is probably more negative than positive
(4:09:24 PM) kate9881: especially right now
(4:11:57 PM) jeremystudiod: i dont think most things are inherently positive or negative, but that we assign those values to them in order to either try to justify them in our brain or connect them with previous experience…and if they’re mostly neutral, why not err toward the positive…i think when we assume ‘realistic’ = ‘lifes a bitch and then you die’, we tend to discount or not even notice positive opportunities that come into our lives
(4:13:54 PM) kate9881: well, i’m not walking around like “life is pointless!”
(4:14:30 PM) kate9881: but my tendency is to see glass half empty
(4:14:46 PM) kate9881: i can’t help it
(4:14:59 PM) jeremystudiod: its adjustable
(4:16:01 PM) kate9881: i don’t think it makes me an unhappy person
(4:16:09 PM) jeremystudiod: i dont think so either
(4:17:27 PM) kate9881: i just find that if i prepare for the worst, i don’t need to worry that the worst will happen
(4:17:42 PM) kate9881: and i’ll be pleasantly surprised
(4:19:02 PM) jeremystudiod: what about expecting the best and not worrying that the worst will happen..certainly thats an option
(4:19:22 PM) kate9881: but then you’re not prepared
(4:19:41 PM) kate9881: if i’m worried that no one will come to an event
(4:19:50 PM) kate9881: i better get off my ass and get on the phone
(4:20:00 PM) kate9881: if i just “hope for the best” nothing will happen
(4:20:04 PM) jeremystudiod: i dont know that you’re ever really ‘prepared’ … the buddhism path is that no matter what happens, it will be okay
(4:20:07 PM) kate9881: people don’t magically show up
(4:20:15 PM) jeremystudiod: yeah i didn’t mean ‘hope for the best’ and dont take any action to make it happen
(4:21:05 PM) kate9881: every time i let myself believe that something good will happen, it DOESN”T and then i feel horrible
(4:21:13 PM) kate9881: thats why
(4:21:15 PM) jeremystudiod: EVERY time? every single time ever?
(4:21:21 PM) kate9881: a lifetime of disapointment
(4:21:48 PM) kate9881: enough times so that i don’t ever hope for anything
(4:21:51 PM) jeremystudiod: but you can go into calling people because you feel like nobody’s gonna show up and its all gonna go to hell and be an embarassment and you’re gonna get fired and end up on the street giving handjobs for crack (to take it to an extreme) or you can say ‘i put together this awesome event and i’m gonna make sure people know about it, and even if the audience is small, i will have done something good’
(4:22:06 PM) kate9881: handjobs for crack??? hahahahaha
(4:23:05 PM) kate9881: i admit, my train of thought doesn’t usually extend that low!
(4:23:34 PM) jeremystudiod: its the same result but in the second example you’re not beating yourself up or bringing unnecessary negativity into it
(4:24:21 PM) jeremystudiod: and just because things have been a certain way in the past doesn’t mean they will always be that way…i think we’re a good example of that… and i do think that the attitude that you go into something with affects the result of it in a hundred different ways having nothing to do with buddhism or god or life force or chi or whatever
(4:26:00 PM) kate9881: it’s not like i’m doom-and-gloom all the time here
(4:26:03 PM) jeremystudiod: i know
(4:26:07 PM) jeremystudiod: i’m not sayin you are
(4:27:01 PM) jeremystudiod: buddhism at least talks more about ‘no matter what is happening, its all okay. the why doesnt matter so much’
(4:27:14 PM) jeremystudiod: expecting the worst tends to make it happen
(4:27:24 PM) kate9881: says who?
(4:27:29 PM) kate9881: i mean really
(4:29:36 PM) jeremystudiod:
(4:30:44 PM) jeremystudiod:
(4:31:18 PM) kate9881: that’s kinda true though!
(4:31:35 PM) kate9881: expect the worst and you’re prepared for anything!
(4:31:55 PM) jeremystudiod: its very restrictive in terms of the overall possibility of joy and appreciating things
(4:32:29 PM) jeremystudiod: its like if you’re on a scale, starting at -5 so that even if something that would be an 8 in the positivity scale happens you’re only at a 3 in your mood
(4:33:17 PM) kate9881: ok, but there is no scale
(4:33:44 PM) jeremystudiod: there is in terms of your overall mood and life satisfaction
(4:33:59 PM) jeremystudiod: i dunno, i’m not really expressing what i mean very well
(4:34:54 PM) kate9881: i just think, a lot of the positive thinking stuff is kind of overbearing in it’s own way
(4:35:01 PM) jeremystudiod: i just think that setting your expectations like that makes it easy to think that you dont deserve for things to work out, and not really giving things a chance to work out how they were meant to
(4:35:07 PM) kate9881: i think it’s natural to have fears and doubts about some stuff
(4:35:14 PM) jeremystudiod: i dont know that i’m necessarily advocating an ‘everything is rainbows and unicorns’ approach
(4:35:25 PM) kate9881: i know you love unicorns!
(4:35:29 PM) jeremystudiod: i do
(4:35:32 PM) jeremystudiod: and narwhals
(4:35:35 PM) kate9881: !!!
(4:35:41 PM) kate9881: they are not unicorns
(4:35:59 PM) kate9881: they are glorified swordfish πŸ˜‰
(4:36:03 PM) jeremystudiod: i’m more saying that starting from 0 is something that makes more sense to me in terms of a life strategy
(4:36:24 PM) kate9881: i understand what you’re saying
(4:36:24 PM) jeremystudiod: because if we think negatively all the time, i think we also tend to exaggerate the potential negative consequences
(4:36:45 PM) jeremystudiod: or not think through the ‘worst case’ beyond ‘itll suck and itll be my fault cause im lame’
(4:37:10 PM) kate9881: but, i just think that sometimes it’s like the power of positivity mafia want to make you feel bad for not feeling HAPPY AND POSITIVE ALL THE TIME!!!
(4:37:20 PM) jeremystudiod: yes
(4:37:23 PM) jeremystudiod: well thats a different argument
(4:37:26 PM) jeremystudiod: i mean, discussion
(4:37:35 PM) jeremystudiod: i think thats very black+white
(4:37:38 PM) kate9881: if you’re one of those people, i think you’re covering some actual unhappiness
(4:37:48 PM) jeremystudiod: i agree with that
(4:37:49 PM) kate9881: because life has ups and downs
(4:38:17 PM) jeremystudiod: i dont think ‘everything sucks’ or ‘everythings great’ are particularly helpful strategies
(4:38:19 PM) kate9881: and sometimes we are put in situations where most of the time, it’s NOT good
(4:38:53 PM) kate9881: well, i’m not an “everything sucks” person
(4:39:07 PM) jeremystudiod: no i get that
(4:39:17 PM) jeremystudiod: and we all slip into one or the other frmo time to time
(4:39:42 PM) jeremystudiod: but i think the goal is ‘things are what they are and no matter what happens, it will be okay’
(4:39:47 PM) jeremystudiod: thats my goal at least
(4:40:09 PM) kate9881: well, that’s okay, as long as it actually will be okay
(4:40:15 PM) kate9881: but sometimes it isn’t
(4:40:25 PM) jeremystudiod: like when
(4:41:34 PM) kate9881: i dunno, car accident, getting fired, getting dumped, horrid disease diagnosis, unplanned pregnancy, naked pictures posted by a vengeful ex
(4:41:52 PM) kate9881: i guess it depends on your definition of “okay”
(4:42:18 PM) jeremystudiod: those are things that happen, and cause varying degrees of change in life.. they dont have to be catastrophic or existince defining
(4:43:53 PM) kate9881: i don’t know
(4:43:58 PM) kate9881: life can be very hard
(4:44:32 PM) jeremystudiod: difficult things can happen but i think we have a tendency to make life much harder than it needs to be
(4:44:38 PM) jeremystudiod: by defining it as hard
(4:45:36 PM) jeremystudiod: when in fact its just life
(4:48:04 PM) kate9881: i don’t really want to get into this debate. it just makes me feel bad, or like i’m failing at feeling good or whatever
(4:48:33 PM) jeremystudiod: hee
(4:48:46 PM) jeremystudiod: ok
(4:49:24 PM) jeremystudiod: its not a criticism at all…i know sometimes i can get preachy or less sympathetic than i could be and its something i’m trying to avoid.. i think you’re great, you know that
(4:52:21 PM) jeremystudiod: i dont think you’re ‘doing it wrong,’ i just know that i’ve struggled with some of the same things and changing some of my assumptions about how life works has gotten me to a place i feel is better for my overall happiness… it may not be the same for you
(4:54:17 PM) jeremystudiod: totally didn’t mean to be all ‘i know something you dont know’
(4:54:42 PM) kate9881: i’m very stubborn and kind of contrary
(4:55:16 PM) kate9881: i also do not have it all figured out, or even a little figured out
(4:55:21 PM) jeremystudiod: nor do i
(4:55:23 PM) jeremystudiod: nobody really does
(4:55:27 PM) kate9881: no
(4:56:09 PM) jeremystudiod: if/when you’re ready to consider this stuff, i will be here for you for whatever you need
(4:56:28 PM) kate9881: i know. but i really resist it
(4:56:34 PM) jeremystudiod: i know
(4:56:37 PM) jeremystudiod: its okay
(4:56:45 PM) jeremystudiod: i push a lot, too
(4:56:57 PM) jeremystudiod: more than i feel like i should, sometiems
(4:57:34 PM) kate9881: it’s ok. it’s just that it makes me want to push back, in a weird way
(4:57:51 PM) jeremystudiod: yeah
(4:58:01 PM) jeremystudiod: i mean
(4:58:09 PM) jeremystudiod: i guess it puts you on the defensive
(4:58:15 PM) jeremystudiod: i really dont mean to be like ‘urdoingitwrong’
(4:58:22 PM) kate9881: i know
(4:58:29 PM) jeremystudiod: and i know i pushed back with my mom when she was trying to get me into this stuff
(4:58:58 PM) kate9881: i do that with my mom too
(4:59:25 PM) jeremystudiod: change is hard and we resist it as much as we can until it becomes more uncomfortable to stay the same
(5:00:18 PM) jeremystudiod: brb meeting
(5:00:19 PM) jeremystudiod: i love you
(5:18:08 PM) kate9881: ok, i will just type this and you can read it when you get back. i do appreciate hearing your thoughts on this kind of stuff, and objectively speaking, it’s interesting. but sometimes it makes me feel a little resentful, and that’s because we’re not just two acquaintances arguing about philosophy. when someone (anyone) tells me to think about something their way, i retreat further back into my own way of thinking. i can’t help it. it’s like getting the hard sell, rather than the soft sell. it doesn’t work as well. i know you want to help and i love you for it. but sometimes it just brings up some angry feelings and i end up feeling worse instead of better.
(5:26:24 PM) kate9881: you’re not the first person to go back and forth with me about this. and i’ve noticed that when i start discussing it with a ‘positivity’ person, i get forced into the sort of bitter, cynical, negative position and i just go further and further into it. and it’s not like i’m that person all the time. but i find that i end up playing that ‘role’ a lot, and i don’t think it’s a good thing
(5:26:24 PM) jeremystudiod <AUTO-REPLY> : I’m not here right now
(5:32:24 PM) jeremystudiod: yeah i get it, you kind of want to take the position on the inverse side of the scale to balance out whatever someone might be saying
(5:32:34 PM) jeremystudiod: so that you dont ‘have’ to change or look at what you’re doing
(5:34:07 PM) jeremystudiod: i get it, and i’ve done it
(5:35:02 PM) jeremystudiod: and to clarify i’m not advocating the shiny happy rainbows and candy approach, either.. .things are how they are, and ascribing any particular value to them can get us in trouble because it keeps us from seeing how things are
(5:35:19 PM) jeremystudiod: which is not to say that i’m necessarily like that all of the time or even most of the time
(5:35:37 PM) kate9881: i really do understand what you’re saying. it’s not like you’re blowing my mind. it’s not like i don’t think about these issues a lot. both sides
(5:35:40 PM) jeremystudiod: but its not really how we’re wired to be, so i can learn to be okay with when it happens
(5:36:33 PM) jeremystudiod: i know
(5:39:36 PM) kate9881: sometimes it feels like you’re pushing a religious belief on me. and although i know that’s not true, objectively speaking, i’m just very very sensitive to that.
(5:41:39 PM) jeremystudiod: well please feel free to let me know when that happens… i dont think of it as a religion, but more as a way of approaching life that has a lot of both history and an increasing amount of neuroscience behind it
(5:42:12 PM) jeremystudiod: its something that makes sense to me, and a lot of it is because its not connected to a belief in some external divine conscious entity pulling the strings
(5:42:30 PM) kate9881: i know it’s not a ‘religion’
(5:43:47 PM) kate9881: but i have some experience arguing with people over belief systems. i spent my whole adolescence getting pummeled with jesus
(5:44:41 PM) jeremystudiod: yeah i get it
(5:44:53 PM) jeremystudiod: this is not that, and i totally understand how you’d react similarly
(5:45:22 PM) kate9881: i SO know it’s not that, but it’s like a trigger for a certain defensive reaction
(5:45:36 PM) jeremystudiod: yup
(5:45:54 PM) jeremystudiod: its really good that you recognize it as a trigger rather than living in it tho
(5:46:16 PM) kate9881: yeah, i thought of that
(5:46:33 PM) jeremystudiod: it means you’re in a different place in relation to it…you’re building temporal space between when someone triggers something and when the automatic process takes over
(5:50:45 PM) jeremystudiod: er.. ‘temporal space’ sounds all hippie dippie but you know what i mean.. .theres time in the process for you to notice that ‘hey im being triggered here’
(5:51:03 PM) jeremystudiod: which is a distinct change from ‘someone says something, now i gotta be defensive’
(5:51:12 PM) jeremystudiod: and gives you a lot more room to maneuver and adjust
(5:51:14 PM) jeremystudiod: if you want
(5:59:33 PM) kate9881: it’s weird, but i tend to feel worse about myself or stuff in general lately
(6:00:29 PM) jeremystudiod: you can think of it as being less comfortable with some of your current set of assumptions, maybe
(6:01:18 PM) jeremystudiod: it sucks to feel that way but for me it meant that i really needed to change and drop some of the thinking that was holding me back
(6:04:27 PM) kate9881: i don’t know
(6:05:28 PM) jeremystudiod: you dont have to
(6:05:53 PM) kate9881: i’m trying to think of a way to explain
(6:07:28 PM) kate9881: i guess i’m not sure whether some of these conversations are helping or hurting
(6:08:03 PM) jeremystudiod: well i just dont want you to think that my love for you is somehow conditional on any of this, because its not
(6:08:18 PM) kate9881: i know that
(6:10:02 PM) jeremystudiod: i do have hte feeling that sometimes i push too hard to get my message across, because sometimes during these conversations i feel like i’m not being true to our relationship and slipping into a ‘role’ rather than just being me
(6:10:20 PM) jeremystudiod: and i dont like when that happens
(6:12:38 PM) kate9881: well, it just puts me in kind of an uncomfortable ‘student’ type of position sometimes
(6:12:49 PM) jeremystudiod: yeha
(6:12:56 PM) jeremystudiod: i mean
(6:13:04 PM) jeremystudiod: yes, and its not fair to you
(6:13:11 PM) jeremystudiod: because its not like i’m this great master imparting wisdom
(6:13:24 PM) jeremystudiod: its just like… i’m sharing what i see and what i think would be interesting or ultimately helpful for you
(6:13:28 PM) jeremystudiod: but its not necessarily my place to do that
(6:13:43 PM) jeremystudiod: this goes back to my being ‘shoulder to cry on’ guy
(6:17:00 PM) jeremystudiod: brb one sec
(6:20:30 PM) jeremystudiod: back
(6:20:45 PM) jeremystudiod: it may just be that i’m not the best resource for this kind of thing for you
(6:21:20 PM) jeremystudiod: i mean theres stuff i talk about in therapy that i wouldn’t necessarily discuss with you…not because i’m keeping anything from you or dont want to burden or whatever, but because it seems like thats the appropriate place for it
(6:23:44 PM) kate9881: i don’t really understand it, but i just feel really bad right now
(6:24:03 PM) jeremystudiod: ok we can drop it *hugs*
(6:24:07 PM) jeremystudiod: it’s all good
(6:24:08 PM) jeremystudiod: i love you
(6:25:49 PM) kate9881: i’m sorry, i think i’m being really weird at the moment
(6:25:53 PM) jeremystudiod: no no
(6:25:56 PM) jeremystudiod: nothing to apologize for
(6:26:01 PM) jeremystudiod: i’ve been there
(6:26:18 PM) jeremystudiod: i will be more careful about your triggers in the future
(6:26:26 PM) kate9881: but i can actually, physically feel the bad feeling
(6:26:35 PM) kate9881: it may have nothing to do with you
(6:26:38 PM) jeremystudiod: where is it in your body
(6:27:02 PM) kate9881: my chest, like the tight chest, choked up feeling
(6:27:21 PM) jeremystudiod: anywhere else?
(6:27:24 PM) kate9881: that i also get when i’m thinking about my resume or whatever
(6:27:29 PM) kate9881: no
(6:27:39 PM) jeremystudiod: what else triggers it, anything?
(6:27:55 PM) kate9881: just sort of like, the feeling you get before you cry, but you don’t cry, you just feel tense
(6:28:17 PM) kate9881: i dunno, i think it’s just feeling inadequate or something
(6:29:30 PM) jeremystudiod: but it passes
(6:30:32 PM) jeremystudiod: my therapist suggests focusing on the physical manifestation of it…like specifically how it feels and where it lives in your body
(6:31:00 PM) jeremystudiod: since it shifts you away from going in circles about what it means and what it makes you or doesn’t make you
(6:31:05 PM) jeremystudiod: basically imagine you dont have a head
(6:31:07 PM) kate9881: i have to go
(6:31:16 PM) jeremystudiod: do you want to meet up for dinner or something?
(6:31:55 PM) kate9881: i was going to do some shopping. i need more leggings
(6:32:18 PM) jeremystudiod: ok
(6:32:38 PM) jeremystudiod: i’m always down to hang with you if you want some company
(6:32:43 PM) jeremystudiod: oy… you know what i mean
(6:33:49 PM) kate9881: i know
(6:34:47 PM) jeremystudiod: i kinda feel like i triggered some stuff and dont want to just leave you alone with it
(6:35:11 PM) kate9881: it’s not your fault
(6:36:27 PM) jeremystudiod: no i mean…not a matter of “fault”
(6:36:37 PM) kate9881: no i didn’t mean fault
(6:37:01 PM) kate9881: i just mean, it’s not even necessarily anything you said
(6:37:13 PM) kate9881: this has just been kind of a crap day
(6:37:21 PM) jeremystudiod: okay
(6:38:20 PM) jeremystudiod: well i’m here for you and i love you and support you and regardless of how much you buy into it in this very moment i do believe there are more good things ahead
(6:39:05 PM) kate9881: i don’t understand why i can’t just believe that
(6:39:35 PM) jeremystudiod: its important for you to not believe it right now, for some reason
(6:40:31 PM) jeremystudiod: i’m sure a therapist could help you unpack the reasoning and break it down to a place where you can begin to see where it comes from and learn to start letting it go a little
(6:40:48 PM) jeremystudiod: that’s what they do
(6:40:55 PM) jeremystudiod: thats what mine has helped a lot with
(6:41:49 PM) kate9881: maybe. I don’t see myself ever going to therapy though
(6:42:06 PM) jeremystudiod: just because that thought is in your mind doesn’t make it true
(6:42:25 PM) jeremystudiod: i didn’t think i’d ever go back
(6:42:49 PM) jeremystudiod: i thought i’d just deal with whatever happened and if it sucked it sucked
(6:43:02 PM) jeremystudiod: or that somehow i didn’t deserve to look at what i was doing
(6:44:00 PM) kate9881: I just think it would be too painful. it seems like torture
(6:44:08 PM) jeremystudiod: its not
(6:44:14 PM) jeremystudiod: you set the pace
(6:44:24 PM) jeremystudiod: and you dont have to talk about everything
(6:44:29 PM) jeremystudiod: or anything in particular
(6:44:38 PM) jeremystudiod: it doesn’t work if you delve headfirst into the hard stuff right away
(6:44:41 PM) jeremystudiod: its like an onion
(6:44:45 PM) kate9881: I know.
(6:44:52 PM) jeremystudiod: i mean, i only really started talking about my parents divorce stuff in the last few months
(6:45:09 PM) kate9881: the thing is
(6:46:00 PM) kate9881: the fact that people keep telling me to see a therapist makes me not want to
(6:46:09 PM) jeremystudiod: heh
(6:46:11 PM) jeremystudiod: yea i get that one
(6:46:28 PM) kate9881: because it would be like they won
(6:46:36 PM) jeremystudiod: absolutely
(6:46:46 PM) jeremystudiod: and if you feel better more of the time, they won
(6:47:02 PM) jeremystudiod: because a happy life is somehow not as virtuous as a difficult one
(6:47:27 PM) kate9881: yeah maybe
(6:47:50 PM) jeremystudiod: and if you have to ask for help, then they won
(6:48:29 PM) kate9881: that’s kind of my attitude about looking for a new job too
(6:48:46 PM) jeremystudiod: but here’s the thing, whether you’re in a position to internalize this or not… those people suggesting it, they LOVE you, they want you to be happy…its genuine, not manipulative
(6:48:59 PM) jeremystudiod: and this whole thing is something you can look at in therapy..its so common
(6:49:12 PM) jeremystudiod: and all it takes is a little shift in perception to adjust
(6:49:24 PM) jeremystudiod: so that may be ‘them winning’ is a win for you too
(6:49:30 PM) jeremystudiod: i totally understand the resistance
(6:49:38 PM) kate9881: yeah
(6:49:43 PM) jeremystudiod: having gone through (and still going through) it myself
(6:49:46 PM) jeremystudiod: with my dad especially
(6:50:04 PM) jeremystudiod: for a long time i thought if my life was good that he’d take credit for it and then all the crappy stuff he did to me would be cancelled out in his mind
(6:50:19 PM) kate9881: right
(6:50:50 PM) jeremystudiod: but it turns out that even if thats true, me being miserable doesn’t do anyone any good, and just makes me miserable
(6:51:28 PM) jeremystudiod: i mean, it took me awhile to get to that point
(6:52:00 PM) kate9881: yeah
(6:52:24 PM) jeremystudiod: and me being miserable or not miserable is my own decision, and making sure he knows that he did some crappy things is not the highest thing on my priority list, because thats stuff that happened in the past… now i’m trying (some days more than others) to move on and rebuild a bit of a relationship with him
(6:53:52 PM) kate9881: yes
(6:54:11 PM) kate9881: makes sense
(6:54:15 PM) jeremystudiod: and therapy helped me to slowly unpack the feelings around it
(6:54:22 PM) jeremystudiod: which i would not have been able to do myself
(6:54:57 PM) jeremystudiod: because in my brain it was this huge monolith of neuroses and pain and complication that i was just not gonna ever be able to get around, and that when i decided to deal with it it was gonna hurt like hell
(6:55:33 PM) kate9881: yeah
(6:55:52 PM) jeremystudiod: but ken helped me to break it down and recognize that i dont have to Deal With It All At Once
(6:56:27 PM) kate9881: except for me, I don’t really have that “dad” issue
(6:56:37 PM) jeremystudiod: well right
(6:56:46 PM) jeremystudiod: but its the same for whatever
(6:57:00 PM) kate9881: it’s more like a ton of little things
(6:57:14 PM) jeremystudiod: chances are that a lot of them have common themes
(6:57:50 PM) kate9881: maybe
(6:59:12 PM) jeremystudiod: and even if they dont, that doesn’t make it less worthwhile
(6:59:37 PM) jeremystudiod: its the therapists job to help you recognize whether there may be common themes
(6:59:49 PM) jeremystudiod: for me, there are a bunch of thigns that are all connected though i wouldn’t necessarily have thought they were
(7:00:03 PM) jeremystudiod: a lot of it is abandonment stuff, some of it is not giving myself enough credit for things
(7:00:47 PM) kate9881: and you don’t think it’s self indulgent
(7:01:34 PM) jeremystudiod: i dont think that looking at my patterns and whether they are serving me or i’m serving them is self-indulgent, no… life is too short to not try to live it with as little ‘stuff’ as you can
(7:02:11 PM) kate9881: yeah I guess
(7:02:11 PM) jeremystudiod: i mean on occasion the ‘self-indulgent’ thing comes up, but i feel like its helping me to be a more open and caring person toward myself, my loved ones, and the world
(7:02:21 PM) jeremystudiod: its not like… i’m not trying to improve myself and fuck everyone else
(7:02:44 PM) jeremystudiod: i’m looking at the stuff that prevents me from opening up and loving fully
(7:02:47 PM) kate9881: yeah
(7:03:06 PM) jeremystudiod: maybe not prevents as much as can get in the way
(7:03:13 PM) jeremystudiod: er.. maybe not ‘prevents’ as much as ‘can get in the way’
(7:03:28 PM) jeremystudiod: and the world needs more love in it, so as much as i can do to be a conduit
(7:04:52 PM) kate9881: ok…
(7:05:57 PM) kate9881: they really classed up the h&m mens dept
(7:05:59 PM) jeremystudiod: not with chanting or whatever
(7:06:10 PM) jeremystudiod: but you know..being a friend and loving you and such
(7:06:19 PM) kate9881: I saw snooki
(7:06:32 PM) jeremystudiod: are you sure it was her rather than just a random jersey girl
(7:07:07 PM) kate9881: it was her
(7:07:16 PM) kate9881: 100%
(7:07:24 PM) jeremystudiod: did you point and jump up and down?
(7:07:29 PM) jeremystudiod: like if you’d seen taylor lautner?
(7:07:42 PM) kate9881: I should have
(7:12:08 PM) jeremystudiod: oh well
(7:13:51 PM) kate9881: you were distracting me
(7:13:58 PM) jeremystudiod: oops
(7:13:59 PM) kate9881: from snooki
(7:14:20 PM) kate9881: bless you
(7:15:17 PM) jeremystudiod: <3
(7:20:24 PM) kate9881: sorry for the mopeyness
(7:20:33 PM) jeremystudiod: nothing to apologize for
(7:20:45 PM) jeremystudiod: just trying to find the right balance so that i dont overstep
(7:20:55 PM) kate9881: the alternative is that I just go away
(7:21:02 PM) jeremystudiod: ?
(7:21:22 PM) jeremystudiod: what do you mean
(7:21:26 PM) kate9881: I mean that’s what I tend to do
(7:21:30 PM) jeremystudiod: oh
(7:21:31 PM) jeremystudiod: well dont.
(7:21:54 PM) kate9881: I’m not
(7:22:05 PM) jeremystudiod: and remember, this mopeyness that you feel right now will pass, and its not like i feel like your’e always mopey
(7:22:23 PM) jeremystudiod: i just have a tendency to try to help when you are… which is helpful to a point and then stops being so
(7:22:39 PM) kate9881: I don’t feel mopey when we’re together
(7:23:34 PM) kate9881: and I appreciate you helping me. I really do
(7:23:40 PM) jeremystudiod: okay
(7:24:13 PM) jeremystudiod: πŸ™‚
(7:24:57 PM) kate9881: I don’t know why I’d rather be sad and angry as opposed to happy
(7:25:10 PM) kate9881: that’s the weird thing
(7:25:42 PM) jeremystudiod: i think that its much much more important for you right now to just notice when you make choices that bring up sadness and anger vs happiness, rather than any kind of analyzing of why you do it
(7:25:55 PM) jeremystudiod: because its really easy to get stuck in the why
(7:26:10 PM) kate9881: I guess
(7:26:11 PM) jeremystudiod: and the why can be interesting, but while you’re in it, the why becomes something to spin your wheels about, and keeps you in it
(7:27:12 PM) kate9881: yeah
(7:27:27 PM) jeremystudiod: so when i said a few weeks ago that the why doesn’t matter, i think thats what i meant
(7:27:40 PM) jeremystudiod: its not that it doesn’t matter, its that you can focus on the why or you can focus on just noticing when the choices are made
(7:27:42 PM) kate9881: yeah
(7:27:51 PM) jeremystudiod: and one will get you to a place where you can make change and one wont
(7:28:06 PM) kate9881: yeah
(7:28:26 PM) jeremystudiod: and i think that you’re definitely on the right track
(7:28:31 PM) kate9881: well i got my leggings so Im heading home
(7:28:54 PM) jeremystudiod: noticing when things get triggered and stuff
(7:29:16 PM) jeremystudiod: i’m still at work…bleh.
(7:29:29 PM) kate9881: yeah
(7:30:01 PM) jeremystudiod: nothing to worry about… you’re already on a path away from choosing to be sad and angry so much
(7:30:01 PM) kate9881: well I’ll talk to you later
(7:30:50 PM) jeremystudiod: ok, i’m gonna head home momentarily too… chat from there
(7:30:55 PM) jeremystudiod: I love you lots

Written by admin

January 19th, 2010 at 12:17 am

Posted in Kate