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Private Journal – Keep Out.

depression baby

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trying to figure out my specific triggers as to how it has become so hard for me to act on my own behalf, be ‘selfish’, take credit for my own accomplishments and skills.  I’ve been focusing on it in therapy since obviously that kind of stuff is important when trying to get hired and such.  its a weird combination of self-confidence and utter unwillingness to share it to the point where if i dont have an emergent medical need i wont make myself a doctors appointment…and i still have my mom make haircut appointments for the two of us. These are both a subset of the same thing: somehow i feel like im ‘bothering’ them, or that ‘doing without’ is the more appropriate choice.

 

Suzanne-Juliette Mobley

i was thinking your dad, my dad and nana, oliver’s grandparents who raised him all depression era

so maybe that is it

raised with an ethic of do for yourself, make do, shut up and look at how much other people are suffering

2:19

Jeremy Meyers

plsu my dad has the ‘starving artist’ thing too

where its ‘if you want to be creative, you have to suffer suffer suffer’

 

2:20

Suzanne-Juliette Mobley

my parents both had the service thing your duty is to use your talents for the good of others

2:20

Jeremy Meyers

well thats not a problem. its only when its combined with ‘and never take care of yourself when you could do without’ that it becomes a problem

 

2:21

Suzanne-Juliette Mobley

right

 

 

 

 

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Written by admin

May 16th, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Posted in Family

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