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Private Journal – Keep Out.

Archive for September, 2013

Post-Amy-Playing fconversation

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3:32:42 PM Kate Farina: so did you want to talk
3:32:45 PM Jeremy Meyers: yes
3:33:25 PM Jeremy Meyers: so should i just tell you a little of what happened? is that okay?
3:33:33 PM Kate Farina: well
3:33:39 PM Kate Farina: can i first say a couple things
3:33:41 PM Jeremy Meyers: yes
3:33:53 PM Jeremy Meyers: thats what i was asking, whether there was any new thoughts you wanted to share
3:34:29 PM Kate Farina: so i think one thing that is becoming more apparent is that i often need some time to process ‘new developments’ with this
3:35:13 PM Kate Farina: and the difficult times when i feel most scared or concerned are when a new question or boundary is introduced
3:35:23 PM Jeremy Meyers: makes sense
3:35:40 PM Kate Farina: so it takes me a little bit of time to consider things and sort of reason with it in my head
3:36:11 PM Kate Farina: so i just felt stressed out to have to think about this new thing as i got off the plane
3:36:18 PM Kate Farina: and it opened up a bag of worries
3:36:41 PM Kate Farina: secondly
3:37:20 PM Kate Farina: i think it’s also best for me to take things step by step and be fairly cautious and build up some positives
3:37:35 PM Kate Farina: and add new things one step at a time
3:38:02 PM Kate Farina: because i want to build a good, positive base of trust and confidence as we start out
3:38:23 PM Jeremy Meyers: i’m trying to balance my central desire to make sure that we’re both comfortable and taking it at a pace thats okay for all involved with my ‘shiny new toy’ ‘kid in a candy store’ urges.  It’s really important to me that we do this to the best of our ability as we’re starting out, to set a good precednt and groundwork to continue and adjust and stuff.  I’m sorry to have sprung that at you at the last minute. it was totally and completely just going to be a practical thing.  Amy was totally understanding and appreciative and drove me home.  That’s one of the reasons i chose to play with her at all. she’s a really good communicator.
3:38:41 PM Jeremy Meyers: (aka jinx)
3:38:47 PM Kate Farina: and part of that is feeling like i know you’ll respect my wishes, even if you think they’re kind of silly or unnecessary
3:39:10 PM Kate Farina: because for right now, i just need to know that we’re both listening to each other with this
3:39:14 PM Jeremy Meyers: absolutely
3:39:29 PM Kate Farina: and it makes me feel more comfortable about expanding boundaries the next time
3:39:42 PM Jeremy Meyers: i was truly listening and not mad about you having trouble with the staying over bit last night.  I just wanted to make sure that you were clear on what it was and wasn’t.
3:39:59 PM Kate Farina: yeah
3:40:02 PM Kate Farina: i understand
3:40:08 PM Kate Farina: and i get the practical considerations
3:40:34 PM Kate Farina: which is why it was difficult for me to put my concerns/feelings first
3:40:56 PM Kate Farina: but i think it was best in the long run
3:40:58 PM Jeremy Meyers: you gotta look out for you, in this. i’m looking out for me.
3:41:20 PM Jeremy Meyers: i mean… you know, like we’ve been talking about in therapy..expressing our needs as a separate step from negotiating the action
3:41:29 PM Jeremy Meyers: i totally got where you were coming from, and Amy did too
3:41:36 PM Kate Farina: ok cool
3:42:32 PM Kate Farina: i mean, part of me totally got the practical side of things. but part of me felt tweaked about rushing an overnight stay, no matter if it was just a practically or not
3:42:38 PM Jeremy Meyers: yup
3:42:54 PM Jeremy Meyers: i mean, i wasn’t like 100% comfortable with it myself, considering i’d only just met her, and it was kind of rushed
3:43:05 PM Jeremy Meyers: so part of me was grateful to have the out
3:43:38 PM Jeremy Meyers: it was jsut that i wanted to hang with her (And her roomie and her girl) because i think i wouldve felt lonely coming back to an empty house
3:43:57 PM Kate Farina: i understand
3:44:07 PM Jeremy Meyers: (also her kids were asleep)
3:45:04 PM Kate Farina: that’s gotta put a crimp in things
3:45:12 PM Jeremy Meyers: i guess
3:45:17 PM Kate Farina: no candi and bambi parties
3:45:31 PM Jeremy Meyers: well she splits custody with her ex, so she has some time for that
3:45:38 PM Kate Farina: ah
3:46:03 PM Jeremy Meyers: was there more that you wanted to say?
3:46:31 PM Kate Farina: not really
3:46:35 PM Jeremy Meyers: ok
3:46:53 PM Jeremy Meyers: so do you think it would be helpful for me to tell you about the evening? (i mean, not every graphic detail, if you dont want)
3:47:51 PM Kate Farina: i don’t really think i want to hear the details
3:47:54 PM Kate Farina: right now
3:48:11 PM Kate Farina: maybe just the general gist
3:48:17 PM Jeremy Meyers: ok. well there are some thoughts about the experience that i’d like to share with you, that are not connected to ‘who did what to whom’
3:48:36 PM Jeremy Meyers: though i will say that your boundaries were completely respected without question
3:48:51 PM Jeremy Meyers: if that’s okay
3:49:21 PM Kate Farina: ok
3:50:05 PM Jeremy Meyers: most of the time was spent hanging out outside and stuff…  I had fun with the playing part though it also raised some not-great feelings that i hadn’t felt in awhile
3:50:14 PM Kate Farina: how so
3:50:19 PM Jeremy Meyers: i think mostly based on it being a new experience
3:50:20 PM Jeremy Meyers: i mean
3:50:27 PM Jeremy Meyers: here’s what i’ve come up with so far
3:51:17 PM Jeremy Meyers: getting to play with anna (even just making out) was really great because we’ve been friends forever and we know and love each other
3:51:26 PM Jeremy Meyers: so we had a pre-existing connection
3:52:42 PM Jeremy Meyers: and with Amy (as an example), i like her a lot as a friend and we have good conversations and she’s super sweet and supportive, but i haven’t really known her that long, and getting physical with her felt a little.. i dunno… not as able to live in the sensation of it…got stuck in thoughts and stuff
3:52:58 PM Jeremy Meyers: i mean i think its also because its the first person i’ve played with who i didn’t know before we started going out
3:53:17 PM Kate Farina: ok
3:54:05 PM Jeremy Meyers: so there’s a lot of the societal stuff that comes up about this being somethign that would be hurtful to you (even though i know thats not the thing of it)…
3:54:13 PM Jeremy Meyers: also some reminders of when i was slutting around and not enjoying myself
3:54:30 PM Kate Farina: yeah
3:54:35 PM Kate Farina: understandable
3:55:46 PM Jeremy Meyers: so we stopped a couple of times and i got hugs, which was good
3:55:58 PM Jeremy Meyers: i mean…not to paint it as a traumatic event or anything. fun was had by all.
3:56:06 PM Kate Farina: ok cool
3:56:15 PM Kate Farina: well, you do what you need to do
3:56:19 PM Jeremy Meyers: but it was nice to get some comfort as stuff came up
3:56:55 PM Jeremy Meyers: i just like… had this image in my mind of it being nothign but fun and yay finally getting to experience this and being so grateful and in love with you and stuff, and the actual experience, while definitely fun, was not exactly like that
3:57:14 PM Kate Farina: well
3:57:29 PM Kate Farina: it might take some getting used to and adjusting
3:57:32 PM Jeremy Meyers: of course
3:58:03 PM Kate Farina: it’s good that you were aware of what you needed
3:58:32 PM Jeremy Meyers: yeah
3:58:50 PM Jeremy Meyers: and that it was able to be provided
4:00:09 PM Jeremy Meyers: so, all in all it was a good experience, and she’s a good partner for this kind of thing if mostly because she’s good at communication, like you are and we are
4:00:18 PM Jeremy Meyers: and we’ll see if it happens again
4:00:41 PM Jeremy Meyers: i came home wishing i could crawl into bed with you and snuggle
4:01:44 PM Kate Farina: yeah the house was pretty lonely
4:01:55 PM Kate Farina: a week gets to be a long time there
4:02:00 PM Jeremy Meyers: try eight weeks!
4:02:05 PM Kate Farina: i know
4:02:05 PM Kate Farina: well
4:02:12 PM Kate Farina: i didn’t notice it as much in nyc
4:02:15 PM Jeremy Meyers:  yeah
4:02:23 PM Kate Farina: because i didn’t like spending too much time in the loft anyway
4:02:28 PM Jeremy Meyers: yeah
4:02:30 PM Jeremy Meyers: it looks so different now
4:02:35 PM Kate Farina: i bt
4:02:36 PM Kate Farina: bet
4:02:52 PM Kate Farina: i doubt a musician would pass the board though, right?
4:03:22 PM Jeremy Meyers: it almost doesn’t matter at this point. it’s more about being able to say “we have someone interested in paying 4.6 for the place. can you do better?”
4:03:58 PM Jeremy Meyers: it seems like everyone who comes in and sees the place wants it
4:04:05 PM Jeremy Meyers: bond street is basically the hottest block in all of downtown
4:04:11 PM Jeremy Meyers: and this is a huge space with character
4:04:17 PM Jeremy Meyers: that can be whatever people want it to be
4:06:03 PM Kate Farina: yeah very true
4:06:29 PM Jeremy Meyers: i jsut want to say again that its still a little mindblowing that we’re having supportive conversations with each other about having sexytimes with others, and it makes me so grateful and in awe of you and our relationship that we’ve gotten here.
4:06:47 PM Kate Farina: i agree
4:06:57 PM Kate Farina: and thank you for the positive reinforcement
4:07:00 PM Kate Farina: it helps a lot
4:07:04 PM Jeremy Meyers: of course
4:07:21 PM Jeremy Meyers: this whole process has made me appreciate you and us more
4:08:04 PM Kate Farina: good communication
4:08:39 PM Jeremy Meyers: yup
4:09:00 PM Kate Farina: good stuff
4:09:17 PM Jeremy Meyers: yes.
4:09:19 PM Jeremy Meyers: quite.
4:09:28 PM Jeremy Meyers: and I think Rachel has been so so helpful. i’m so glad we started going to her.
4:09:35 PM Kate Farina: def
4:10:02 PM Kate Farina: more people should do it
4:10:06 PM Kate Farina: as a couple i mean
4:10:08 PM Jeremy Meyers: i agreeeee
4:10:15 PM Jeremy Meyers: almost as if it shuld be a baseline requirement
4:10:23 PM Jeremy Meyers: it makes me sad to hear aobut couples that just dont talk
4:10:29 PM Jeremy Meyers: or like… one person wants to talk and one just wont
4:10:33 PM Kate Farina: yeah because what is there
4:10:37 PM Kate Farina: if not talking
4:10:46 PM Kate Farina: that’s not a relationship
4:11:08 PM Jeremy Meyers: not a marriage
4:11:17 PM Jeremy Meyers: talking with jacquie made me sad about that
4:11:32 PM Jeremy Meyers: she’s so great and he just doesn’t want to be bothered to talk about stuff
4:11:45 PM Jeremy Meyers: and it soundsl ike a lot of their life is suffering becaus eof it, and she’s just kind of ‘oh well, this is my life’
4:14:36 PM Kate Farina: yeah that is sad
4:15:02 PM Jeremy Meyers: amazing what it can do for a sex life
4:15:18 PM Jeremy Meyers: she sounds way more adventurous than he is. or even if he’s equally adventurous, without the conversation, its not gonna happen
4:15:25 PM Kate Farina: right
4:17:42 PM Jeremy Meyers: so, kudos to us
4:17:55 PM Jeremy Meyers: and i wish she had a better sex life and/or a sex life that involved me doing dirty thigns to her.
4:18:07 PM Kate Farina: well maybe some day
4:18:27 PM Jeremy Meyers: maybe some day.
4:19:38 PM Kate Farina: ok going for a walk
4:19:40 PM Kate Farina: laterz
4:19:49 PM Jeremy Meyers: ok love oyu
4:19:52 PM Jeremy Meyers: i might get food with kira
4:19:57 PM Jeremy Meyers: supposed to do that tomorrow but we’re both hungry
6:20:46 PM Jeremy Meyers: <3

Written by admin

September 28th, 2013 at 6:27 pm

Posted in Poly Stuff