sdcjournal

Private Journal – Keep Out.

Archive for March, 2014

What initiation resistance looks like

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– some kind of smug satisfaction in not doing something asked/expected of me, ESPECIALLY if its something for my own benefit.  Who am i trying to show off to? What is the end game for “see look, i can fuck myself over all by myself!”
– a smaller voice trying to get past that
– recognize it as self-sabotaging and frustrated about that, so that becomes the pattern, rather than just doing it

– think about having more freedom of initiation and get excited and then immediately stop myself

– getting more interested in examining why i dont let myself than actually just sucking it up and dealing with it/doing it.

By Monday, it’s ; of course you’re not gonna do that…I had an out given to me by bring able to look at the resistance instead, so we can do that

– Some value in the “here’s something that’s good for me, so I’m gonna keep myself from it and then be held accountable/get in trouble/show it off”

-task became “prep for conversation about why I couldn’t make it happen”pretty quickly

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It’s the “you’re not find annoying with your life and you don’t matter to anyone” that is the trap of a lie

Focusing on “I am wasting my life”is wasting my life, not any choice of task.

Written by admin

March 7th, 2014 at 1:37 pm