Private Journal – Keep Out.

Volition stuff

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(2:17:30 P) the volition stuff was productive in better describing a clear pattern of my motivation challenges
(2:18:03 P) because i dont actually…like… motivation is okay for me, i do have motivation to do things, its just that when i try to turn that into action, my distress level spikes
(2:18:11 P) so separating out motivation from volition is useful
(2:18:27 P) so it turns out that there’s a clear pattern
(2:18:35 P) 1. Have motivation to do a thing
(2:18:53 P) 2. Get triggered at the point of volition and for whatever reason do not end up doing the thing at a that point
(2:19:15 P) 3. Self-recrimination and judgment around being “unable” to do the thing or “still unable” or whatever

(2:20:03 P) 4. Talk that chips away at the validity of my initial motivation to do the thing, in order to soothe myself down from #3. like “well, not doing the thing has its benefits” or “maybe i didnt really want to do the thing anyway” or “i can do it later” or whatever


through my adult life because reasons (mostly abusive pathologically narcissist dad), i struggle with what me and my therapist have been calling motivation. like.. my ability to go and do things that i want to do, or try new things, or like… some types of self-care (calling doctors, etc). So over the weekend i happened across the psychological variation of the word ‘volition’, which separates what we’d been calling motivation into two parts
  1. motivation, as defined as ‘the intent and desire to take a particular action
  2. volition, as defined as ‘turning motivation into action’
which is actually the part that is a struggle for me
and the last part of that process for me is either beating myself up for not doing the thing, or talking myself into believing that i wasn’t that motivated to do the thing anyway, and it cycles around
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May 17th, 2016 at 2:44 pm

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