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Archive for December, 2016

Narc Letter to Lissa

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Hi-

On reflecting upon our latest session (and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong), it seemed like you may have been a little frustrated about my situation, in a “he knows what the problem is, he knows what the solution is, why doesnt he just do the thing he knows will help” way. I, too (assuming i read the situation accurately), am frustrated about this aspect of myself and my psyche.

I guess what I wanted to share about this was some information about the lasting impact of a narcissistic parent, not for the sake of pity or compassion certainly but to give more context as to the block that needs untangling.

Basically my sense of individual self both in terms of value as well as autonomy was never developed, or rather it was developed as to be subsumed by my parents needs so that my sense of self is inextricably (for now) tied to meeting other people’s needs, rather than meeting my own or even being concretely “aware” of them in a way that can be connected to action or even be acceptable. This is why it is much easier for me to take action when it is “Assigned” or when someone else “makes me” do it (and why the BDSM power-exchange stuff is attractive to me), and also why those power dynamics can bring up complicated feelings (both because i don’t WANT to have that be the main thing that makes me take action for myself, and also because the dynamic echoes earlier toxic dynamics regardless of the person initiating the dynamic). Also why the concept of being “Seen” is so attractive to me.

I do feel like i’ve made progress in this, and i also feel really frustrated because I’ve had to contend with this for most of my life to some degree or another, and I’m not really making the kind of advances on this specifically that I would like to, and obviously it has an effect on my relationships and my day-to-day existence that are having many deleterious effects.

So, I hope that you will continue to be patient with me and maybe this information and the links below will be helpful in creating a treatment plan, and help to explain why ‘he knows what needs to happen, why doesnt he just do it’ isnt really as simple as it seems? (but maybe you know that)

Thanks for your attention

Uncover a Narcissist! Have Needs


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/6-ways-to-know-you-were-raised-by-narcissists_us_5616b091e4b0082030a18f72

Healing from Narcissistic Mother Requires Perpetual Self Care

Narcissistic Parent: Collateral Damage

Coping Skills for Adult Children of Narcissist Parents.


http://selfdeterminationtheory.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/2011_RyanLynchDeciVansteenkist.pdf
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201302/is-self-care-selfish
http://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2016/07/09/how-being-raised-by-a-narcissist-damages-your-life-and-self-esteem/#b44ba93f5cdd
Surviving the Narcissistic Parent: ACoNs (Adult Children of Narcissists)

http://anangelinthegarden.blogspot.com/p/surviving-narcissitic-abuse.html

How Your Narcissistic Upbringing Keeps You from “Bothering” People

The Child of a Narcissistic Parent: Why Don’t I Meet My Needs?

The Pain of Having a Narcissistic Parent

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December 8th, 2016 at 9:35 pm