Private Journal – Keep Out.

Archive for the ‘Poetry’ Category

Therapy Poem

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Here lies Me

Jumping from distraction to distraction

Filling, running, opaquely distancing

Filling what’s empty but it never quite reaches

Prematurely regretting my today

Looking back from the future

Aware of my own ridiculousness

Alone in that universal cliche way that leads to bad poetry like this

Grasping for a feeling of mattering, questioning all the while if mattering matters.

Gotta stop going in reverse before getting to go forward

It’s neutral you gotta watch out for, oh yes

Neutral is a mire

Balance on the head of a pin doesn’t leave no room for dancing.

But onward!

Cutting the sinewy ropes of habit with a spoon

Nudging imagined regret into excitement

Oh, for a chance to keep my toolbelt for myself, to test and sharpen and polish and use and hone my skills for me

Oh for a chance to give myself that chance.over and over each day

Oh for a chance to live in my fear, to give it a hug and go adventuring.

Oh to get outside myself to start that ball rolling, instead of talking about it.

Oh to take my own damn advice.

It’s time.

Just a little push.

Written by admin

January 15th, 2014 at 1:49 pm

Posted in Poetry

of the world

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of the world but not in it

the gauze of aversion, addiction, comfort
falls away and leaves me shocked by the unforgiving light of reality

the old reliable distractions
now sear like an iron

the same old gears turn
to the same unsatisfying result
whether i choose to listen or not

inertia is always hungry and will take whatever i feed it

all it takes is one small step
just one small step
a step in a direction
any direction

JUMP, dammit!

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September 6th, 2009 at 1:29 am

Posted in Poetry

Train Poem

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Within this mobile anteroom
The naked put on their faces
Clothe themselves with newsprint
Avoid curious glances
Close the headphone loop
Prepare for their performances
The next time they are here they will be weary
With no reason to play anymore
They involuntarily disrobe
And we see them, off
Exhaustion is authentic
Next stop, home

Written by admin

November 15th, 2007 at 9:12 am

Posted in Poetry

a poem

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as i walk to the train on
january 1st and see all the
people lined up at
the metrocard machine getting
new thirty day cards and
walk right past them cause i
buy mine on the 5th
i smile and think to
myself that being different
sure comes in handy

Written by admin

January 4th, 2007 at 9:29 pm

Posted in Poetry


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eventually, huh
i know
i’ve heard it said before
i know all about it
somehow its wearing a bit thin
you know how long i’ve been hearin that one?
its not exactly comforting anymore
doesn’t make me feel any less cold
its getting old
and so am i
too long
too long
so long
i give up
its just not worth it anymore
so much for that
one less thing
ya know?
yeah fuckin right.

Written by admin

March 2nd, 2006 at 1:31 am

Posted in Poetry

bad angsty poetry appropos of ntohing

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the soul-crushing sound
of a phone’s unanswered chirp
she wont talk to me

the time has come to
return to darkness again
ring ring ring click bang

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September 29th, 2005 at 11:01 am

Posted in Poetry


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my anger scares me so i choke it down
it builds and it builds
i chew the poison
it feeds on itself
paralyzing emotional toxins

blinding rage
steam valve
popped cork
bloody champagne everywhere
risk analysis
emotionally paralyzing toxins

so angry
you destroyed my home
you broke my will
you made me hate
your suffering does not vindicate me
you like it too much
your change of attitude does not forgive your past
no matter how much i may want it to
that would not extinguish the flame of grief and fury
it just makes it that much more difficult to manifest
you’re hiding the goddamned corkscrew
toxic emotional paralysis

give me the goddamned corkscrew
and stand back

Written by admin

September 1st, 2004 at 1:26 am

Posted in Poetry


one comment

I’m mad at you for creating contradictions, no-win situations and traps for me to make yourself feel better
I’m mad at you for not giving me freedoms i deserve
I’m mad at you for tearing my family apart
I’m mad at you for trying to control me
I’m mad at you for not giving me an outlet for my anger
I’m mad at you for not giving me a safe place to grow up
I’m mad at you for hurting me and my mom
I’m mad at you for not letting me be an adult
I’m mad at you for leaving me with a habit of setting impossible standards for myself
I’m mad at you for stifling my emotion
I’m mad at you for making it possible for me to blame myself
I’m mad at you for showing me that its better to suffer than to change
I’m mad at you for showing me that its better to do without than to indulge, unless it’s food.
I’m mad at you for making connection dangerous
I’m mad at you for not letting me let myself make mistakes
I’m mad at you for making me thing that some of these things arent because of you
I’m mad at you for teaching me to second guess myself at every opportunity

I’m mad at you for not knowing why i’m mad at you
I’m mad at you for not letting me hate you

Written by admin

July 29th, 2004 at 2:25 am

Posted in Family,Poetry

Some pretty swell poetry

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Treat me however you want
I’m here for your amusement
for your benefit
for your education
for your everything
don’t think about me
i wouldn’t want to seem selfish
it isn’t really about me anyway
i provide
it makes me feel like something
but then again
i do for myself
why, just look at all this stuff
all this
it can’t really be both
can it?
i take too
not purely a giver
i take but it doesn’t count
because i don’t count
or is that a copout
i can’t even let myself disregard myself
arguing in my head
the core
everything swirls around the word
a visual neurosis vortex
around and around
feeding on each other
taking bites
do i even deserve to be writing about deserving to write?
I should be a capital
de-serve it.
de-serve it all.

Written by admin

February 3rd, 2004 at 1:51 am

Posted in Poetry

It’s All About…

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It’s all about real connection.
Connection between people, connection to a job, to an industry, to
music. Without connection we have nothing. A connection for the wrong
reasons is worse than no connection at all
What a waste of what could have been.
You came out on top.
Maybe someday you’ll make someone the luckiest person on the planet.
You won’t be on top.
But somehow, you will be.
Funny how that works.
Maybe someday you’ll find out.
I hope you do.
Its a nice feeling.
I should know.
I just had it for a second.
What could have been.
What a waste.

Written by admin

October 15th, 2003 at 8:41 pm

Posted in Poetry