Private Journal – Keep Out.

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I’m scared that I’m getting in my own way when it comes til getting a job, our sabotaging myself.

Maybe I don’t want to let myself succeed because I’ll be all out of excuses and can’t blame my parents for my troubles.

Need to better define the problem and not resist doing so

What keeps me trapped?

Don’t want anyone s seeing me doing well, or doing what.I love

Don’t want to impose.

Problems are meant to be endured, not addressed?

Pressure of being creative with a creative family?

Avoiding responsibility for my own life?

Don’t want my successes taken away?

Safety net of angst is a connection where no other exists?

If I’m over it, where does that leave my relationship with my parents?

Am I doing it for them somehow

I feel guilty for trying to change myself once it butts up against others expectations of me…?

Ruts must end

Written by admin

August 2nd, 2011 at 10:10 am

Posted in Family,Work

Job Perception Advice from Heather

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4:30 PMHeather Snow
so what did you think of eileen and the blurb experience?
4:30 PMJeremy Meyers
product is great
they are very creative-focused
its 75% creative 25% business+measurement to justify the creative
she had both the Moo guy and the guy there talking about partnerships
this is not someone who wants to hear a lot of business talk
what she’s going to want is lots of creative ideas and some of “and we have the measurement chops to back up our ideas and adjust course etc’
you should bring your camera
or at least show your photographic passion
my concern was that we might be too corporate leaning, and mariella echoed similar thoughts, that we have to be sure not to be too stuffy. think nice sweaters rather than suits
4:32 PMHeather Snow
linda already flagged that we should come in showing our personal style
and i’m weaving in a seciton on measurement
not talking about boring capes
but our POV about holistic influence
4:33 PMJeremy Meyers
its measurement in service to creative ideas and brand awareness raising
4:33 PMHeather Snow
and highlighting cool stuff like MOI and influence multipliers
4:33 PMJeremy Meyers
not the other way around, which we do too often
i actually really liked her
4:34 PMHeather Snow
she was great on the phone – very direct, but also passionate and authentic sounding
4:34 PMJeremy Meyers
i made some silly joke at dance expense and she thought it was hilarious
4:34 PMHeather Snow
what was she wearing?
4:34 PMJeremy Meyers
um… blouse, jacket, slacks
mariella probably remembers in more detail
4:34 PMHeather Snow
not suit
4:35 PMJeremy Meyers
didn’t seem like a suit to me
ask a girl
4:35 PMHeather Snow
what was your joke?
4:35 PMJeremy Meyers
can’t remember… i think dan was talking about one of the children’s books that was on display and i made some crack about ‘watch out, dan’s girlfriend’
or something like that
i gotta be me.
i think she appreciated that we werent trying to suck up
4:36 PMHeather Snow
4:37 PMJeremy Meyers
its times like that when its frustrating to get dinged about not being ‘client-ready’ when i see that clients and potential clients like and appreciate people who dont just kiss their ass all the time
4:38 PMHeather Snow
i know
actually, i’m calling out the kudos mariella gave you in a note to the sd action board
4:38 PMJeremy Meyers
i talked about it in therapy a bunch
thanks, i appreciate that
4:39 PMHeather Snow
what i think i’m hearing in feedback from different folks is this:
when you engage directly with clients (particularly in person) they really value your insights and perspective and they get your quirkiness
however, on email, you’re a bit rough around the edges
the result of the latter is that sometimes folks who don’t have as much experience w/ you either in person or see you engage clients lose confidence in you before you have a chance to demonstrate
what you’re capable of
michele might be an exception to that – i don’t know what her deal is
4:41 PMJeremy Meyers
can you be more specific about ‘rough around the edges’?
4:41 PMHeather Snow
sometimes inappropriate
sometimes snarky
sometimes incomplete
so you need to win the confidence of folks internally – yes they are peers – but you still need to manage up a bit more
and in doing that, you’ll get more opportunities to demonstrate that you are in fact good w/ clients… which i think will be more satisfying for you
4:43 PMJeremy Meyers
i’m not particularly motivated by ‘getting in front of clients’. but i do wish that people would take things how I intended them more, and not jump to conclusions about what kind of person i am, because more often then not, they’re wrong.
sometimes i’m snarky to make a point, sometimes i’m inappropriate. sometimes i’m incomplete because i would like more feedback to make sure i’m on the right track before fololowing up
4:47 PMHeather Snow
have i ever shared my favorite RLS quote?
4:48 PMJeremy Meyers
and while i will try to be more mindful of how i come across via email, theres only so much i’m willing to compromise my authenticity to avoid people jumping to the wrong conclusion right off the bat. if thats a flaw, i accept it
4:51 PMHeather Snow
“don’t write merely to be understood. write so that you cannot possibly be misunderstood.”
swap out “write” for “communicate”
or if you prefer, shannon & weaver’s communication model
4:51 PMJeremy Meyers
sometimes i value the misunderstandings though because it can lead to deeper insight.  maybe that gets in my way.
i prefer to be fluid rather than static
4:52 PMHeather Snow
you’ve got the transmitter, the receiver, channel, noise, etc. all of those things can contribute to disruption in the communication
it’s not just up to the receiver to decode the transmitter, particularly if there’s noise in the channel
yeah, you can argue this if you want
but if you want feedback, take what i’ve offered
4:53 PMJeremy Meyers
not trying to argue, just to clarify my intent
4:53 PMHeather Snow
you aren’t going to get others to change
4:54 PMJeremy Meyers
arent we in the business of influencing others to change? thats the core of our beliefs
4:55 PMHeather Snow
ever heard the phrase “pick your battles”?
4:55 PMJeremy Meyers
i hear it often referring to battles that i think are important and that other people prefer the status quo on.
4:56 PMHeather Snow
at the end of the day it’s your decision
but i think there are a lot of areas that you could improve w/o compromising your integrity or your authenticity… i recognize that some things you do deliberately, but i don’t think all are
and if your intent is truly to be the pebble in the shoe of colleagues, you just have to be very aware of consequences – both intended and unintended
4:58 PMJeremy Meyers
not pebble in shoe. its not purely as an irritant
i’m not foley.
4:58 PMHeather Snow
4:58 PMJeremy Meyers
someone like foley has his value too
i’m not trying to piss people off, i swear. or be annoying.
4:58 PMHeather Snow
anyway, i think i answered your question/concern about being perceived as not being client-facing when you do make good impressions ie on eileen…yes?
perceived as being client facing, i mean
4:59 PMJeremy Meyers
5:01 PMHeather Snow
the philosophical debate is for you to work through – i have my own flavor of that (i also find myself swimming upstream a lot of the time)… but do keep it separate from feedback on areas you truly can work on to be a better you
(didn’t mean that to sound cheesy)
5:01 PMJeremy Meyers
i know what you mean
5:01 PMHeather Snow
5:01 PMJeremy Meyers
i take all feedback, some of it i will make a priority to work on, some of it goes against what makes me me, and i will keep the feedback in mind but that doesn’t mean i’m going to up and change it all
5:02 PMHeather Snow
5:02 PMJeremy Meyers
but hey, i’m getting some good press today
5:02 PMHeather Snow
nice email from tac too
5:02 PMJeremy Meyers
had a good call with Farren about the EDF thign as well
5:03 PMHeather Snow
and also wnated to let you know that i’ve used a lot of your 007 digital footprint analysis & recos in the proposal
your on a roll
i always like to take that positive feedback (both direct and indirect) and program it into  my head as “what to do more of” (which balances the “what to do better” and is much more palatable)
i have to go back into hiding… i’m technically on PL but am online b/c i have prep to do for the blurb pitch
5:04 PMJeremy Meyers
maybe you should take some of what i said and some of your gut feeling about the client and make some recommendations to the pitch team about how to approach the meeting in terms of focus and attitude?
5:05 PMHeather Snow
yes i will… and have been
5:05 PMJeremy Meyers
5:05 PMHeather Snow
i think linda mills gets it – she’s the lead
5:05 PMJeremy Meyers
ok good
5:05 PMHeather Snow
but i’ve been weighing in pretty heavily throughout
5:05 PMJeremy Meyers
we have a tendency to want to be professional
and creative people hate professional
5:06 PMHeather Snow
i think eileen is looking for both
she’s also a data/analytics geek, and a serial entrepreneur
5:06 PMJeremy Meyers
professionally creative not creatively professional
5:06 PMHeather Snow
anyway good job winning hearts & minds this week
and have a good weekend
5:06 PMJeremy Meyers
5:06 PMHeather Snow
i’m jumping back offline
5:06 PMJeremy Meyers
This conversation is being saved in the Conversation History folder in your Outlook mailbox.
Jeremy Meyers
Digital Strategy Specialist, WE Studio D
(: 212-551-4835 f: 212-833-4801
8: | im: JeremyStudioD | tw: @JeremyMeyers
*: 750 Third Avenue, 31st Fl.  New York, NY 10017
bl: |

Written by admin

October 29th, 2010 at 2:19 pm

Posted in Work

New job stuff

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Heather is going to talk to the HR person about it in detail next week to figure out timing and whether they’d help with relocation costs, so we should have more information on that soon.. When they relocated her, she had to sign a contract guaranteeing she’d be there for a full year and if she left she’d have to pay back the money they spent on it (like 10k…but she was moving a house.). David is very interested and invested in making this happen sooner rather than later. The only “sticky wicket” is whether WE is going to shell out to move us. if we were paying for the move, it’d basically be a done deal. In the meantime, Heather suggests (because she went through the same thing with her husband) that you start to be more proactive about figuring out what you’d want to be doing there, and researching opportunities and even having informational interviews so that no matter what, you begin to have your own infrastructure in place of information, opportunities and conversations to have, rather than relying solely on me to “lead”. To make it real for yourself, separately from me, which will probably help to alleviate the worry about “well, im moving across the country with my boyfriend with no prospects and no friends and he is going to have to be my everything” because obviously that can put a huge strain on a relationship

Written by admin

August 4th, 2010 at 5:11 pm

Posted in Work

being ahead of the curve

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Just coming to some realizations about how lonely and isolating it is being ahead of the curve and how i really crave the opportunity to have someone just GET it and not have to prove myself to skeptics who will get it two years from now when im on to the next thing.

And how maybe its connected to not being recognized for my value or being nurtured much growing up

And living with my dad as an adult but not really talking to him or whatever

Just feel kinda out of phase somehow. And then i feel self pity and then i feel like ‘um dude youre not like..ubergenius prognosticator of the world smarter than everyone

Just got out of therapy, im heading to the train. I love you and i love that you get me and support me. Its super important to me and thank you.

And living with my dad as an adult but not really talking to him or whatever

Written by admin

April 11th, 2010 at 10:08 am

Posted in Family,Work

Job conversatoin with mom post Nadina 1:1 frustration

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(11:26:53) jeremystudiod: so i ‘had it out’ with nadina in my 1:1 checkin meeting… mentioned that i was looking at my job description and she was like “i know youre frustrated, i just dont know what more i can do…we all have to do stuff we dont like, and we’re working toward getting you in a better place to do more of what you want, but it doesn’t happen overnight and sometimes you just have to suck it up and deal for awhile. also, if you want to manage your career, you have to do some of it yourself. feel free to run it by me and we can come up with a plan to get you there, but for the moment this what the job is, so i dont know what value youre getting out of looking at the job description”
(11:37:58) StillwelNY is no longer idle.
(11:38:39) StillwelNY: wow
(11:41:23) StillwelNY: how do u feel about this
(11:42:36) jeremystudiod: well we discussed it more and i said i would work to come up with a ‘fake’ job description and then talk about it with some of the stakeholders to figure out how to get there
(11:43:09) StillwelNY: ok
(11:45:08) jeremystudiod: i’m just not very good at ‘suck it up and deal’
(11:45:28) StillwelNY: yes – i know
(11:45:43) StillwelNY: you have heard this qute a bit in your work career
(11:46:00) jeremystudiod: ye
(11:46:00) jeremystudiod: s
(11:46:04) jeremystudiod: dont really know what to do about it
(11:46:27) StillwelNY: i have a suggestion
(11:46:40) StillwelNY: you may not like it
(11:47:25) StillwelNY: i would say that charly had the same issue – which is how i came to support the family for most of the time
(11:47:39) StillwelNY: it may be something for therapy
(11:48:46) jeremystudiod: ok
(11:49:50) StillwelNY: it is not that black and white – but i think it would be a really good discussion
(11:52:40) StillwelNY: and this is in no way a rejection of follow your passions and your talent – it is a side issue when dealt with – can help you do just that
(12:04:12) StillwelNY has become idle.
(12:06:39) StillwelNY is no longer idle.
(12:08:22) StillwelNY: is it okay that I said this – or am i had insult to injury?
(12:08:32) jeremystudiod: no its fine
(12:08:37) jeremystudiod: sorry just multitasking
(12:08:55) jeremystudiod: i think i more needed to nkow from her that i was being heard and that there were things that could be done
(12:09:03) jeremystudiod: and that i wasn’t just going to be stuck doing this indefinitely
(12:09:17) StillwelNY: good

Written by admin

April 7th, 2010 at 8:24 pm

Posted in Work

Tac Conversation re: frustrations

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Conversation with

Conversation with Tac Anderson on 1/31/2010 9:11:42 P:

(8:37:57 P)
(8:40:16 P) Tac Anderson:
(8:41:50 P) so you’re ahead of the curve about writing posts about being ahead of the curve, you’re saying?
(8:45:37 P) Tac Anderson: no, i’m saying you’re not alone. i had lunch w/ @BAoki and she’s struggling w/ what’s she going to do now that SM is main stream. I think most of us that have been doing this for several years are questioning if the parties getting old? and as we move on no one understands what we’re seeing over the next hill. I think it’s kind of our lot in life.
(8:45:59 P) i kind of had it out with nadina about what my job is right now
(8:46:08 P) compared what i was hired to do
(8:46:34 P) Tac Anderson: this one too
(8:47:50 P) and i’m kind of tired of having people say ‘oh so youre like tac but for non-microsoft business’ and being like… well, except i dont have a team or his salary (not that its a competition or that thats particularly important to me, its not a knock) and i write RFPs and do grunt research work all day and i’ve been here 9 months and when people ask what i’ve been working on i have not one thing of substance to point to
(8:49:09 P) Tac Anderson: I’m sorry for the comparison.
(8:49:17 P) Tac Anderson: on a lighter side
(8:49:40 P) its fine, didn’t mean to make it about you, it’s not. its just overall frustration
(8:51:12 P) Tac Anderson: no, i get it. i don’t like being compared. you’re not me, and i’m not you. yeah we’re sm geeks but we each have a different perspective even w/in that.
(8:52:10 P) i spoke with nadina about it and actually now that we hired Eddie it sounds like i might have an opportunity to create a content strategist role path and bounce it around him and patton and nadina to try to make it make sense for WE
(8:52:38 P) not content strategist like how @halvorson defines it… i’m working on a description of what i mean
(8:54:50 P) Tac Anderson: that’s great man. i’m glad you did. There are things that frustrate me about WE (like any place that has to pay me to work there) but they do seem willing to make sure people are in the right spot, even if it means creating one (assuming they can sell it).
(8:55:39 P) yeah. i may ask you for help in the selling in portion
(8:56:07 P) Tac Anderson: i’d be happy to.
(8:56:12 P) its just…like… somewhere there’s gotta be that person who’s like “great. let’s do some cool stuff”
(8:57:12 P) rather than “show me why this matters, and if you’re lucky i’ll try a one month campaign and oh by the way legal has to approve everything”
(8:59:35 P) i’m sure you feel a similar frustration
(9:02:50 P) Tac Anderson: sometimes but not quite as bad. I’m not really a content creator. I love the strategy and planning and then am happy to hand it off to someone more talented than me.
(9:03:14 P) i think we complement each other
(9:04:02 P) which is another reason its frustrating to me that we’re nto working directly together that much…sometimes i feel shoehorned into a strategic position that i’m not passionate about
(9:07:55 P) Tac Anderson: well it would help if you had a manger who didn’t rely so much on you for the SM strategy. Nothing against Nadina but Nathan gets social a lot more which means he can field stuff. I get the feeling you are the only go to guy there.
(9:08:26 P) honestly at this point i have no idea what she gets and doens’t get
(9:08:32 P) she’s so scattered
(9:08:46 P) i mean she’s smart and has been a really good professional mentor and has a good strategic brain
(9:08:54 P) in terms of client management
(9:11:53 P) Tac Anderson: yeah. i told nathan I can’t take any more projects this month, while he’s gone, especially from her. everything comes in last minute and high priority. which i know isn’t all her fault, because of the account teams she has to work with but i feel like it’s always a game of hot potato. it’d make me tired and i don’t tire easily.
(9:13:08 P) i think she came into a situation where studio d was only focused on microsoft, the other practices were being underserved, are not particularly educated and there werent any processes in place
(9:13:32 P) and it didn’t seem like almacy did much
(9:13:45 P) Tac Anderson: yeah, it’s a tough spot for sure.
(9:14:40 P) so am i exhausted because we’re crafting a POV document for the intersection of digitial and PA and the intersection of digital and SI and the intersection of digital and healthcare, and crafting custom products for each practice, AND working on Avon AND working on stupid RFPs?
(9:14:41 P) yes.
(9:15:12 P) are those things that get me up in the morning? no. not as much as it does Heather (who i’m so happy to have more officially on the team)
(9:15:15 P) and even she’s frustrated
(9:16:29 P) Tac Anderson: what’s your insights color?
(9:16:38 P) mostly green
(9:16:56 P) though i’d really like to take it again, i have a feeling its pretty different now.
(9:17:13 P) Tac Anderson: that’s what i thought. same w/ nadina. snow’s all blue if you can imagine 😉
(9:17:20 P) i really like her
(9:17:30 P) we went out to dinner last night
(9:18:00 P) Tac Anderson: color wise, she’s the exact opposite of me. but yeah we work well together (mostly)
(9:18:27 P) i dont think she’s being used well either
(9:18:46 P) Tac Anderson: no, it’s hard with her out alone in Austin.
(9:19:17 P) yeah
(9:19:30 P) she wants to come here, kinda
(9:19:37 P) except for the whole owning a house and loving austin thing
(9:20:20 P) Tac Anderson: i think it would be good while you build out the ny office to have more concentration.
(9:20:33 P) hmm?
(9:22:09 P) Tac Anderson: if heather were in ny i think it would be good for the team.
(9:22:33 P) oh
(9:22:34 P) yes
(9:25:07 P) of course the two new headcounts we now have open are apparently going to be in boston and in DC
(9:26:02 P) Tac Anderson: yeah, there is a case for getting a local presence. esp considering how much nadina has to travel. fotunately that’s not too far away.
(9:26:09 P) yup
(9:26:33 P) hoping some of this ‘research the competitors social media presences and present an analysis for the rfp deck’ stuff can get off my plate
(9:26:50 P) thats what the request fro m this afternoon was …of course i end up having to do it now
(9:26:53 P) well, me and nadina are splitting itg
(9:27:06 P) i dont know why thats not a research function, but apparently they’re allowed to push back snce its nonbillable
(9:28:46 P) Tac Anderson: research has resources for new biz. just like we gave up headcount to marketing for rfp’s. everyone is so insanely busy its not even funny. everyone’s getting pretty stressed.
(9:28:59 P) yeah
(9:29:06 P) did you take the value selling class?\
(9:29:54 P) Tac Anderson: not yet. not until they make me. of course they’d actually have to clear my plate for 2 days, which isn’t going to happen anytime soon. how was it?
(9:33:02 P) actually its pretty useful
(9:33:05 P) i think it will help us
(9:33:16 P) i was braced for something totally corporate and lame
(9:33:19 P) and to some extent it is
(9:33:57 P) but its also a good framework to be thinking about our rfp/pitch process and to get people thinking about what we do in brainstorm meetings (source, not brainstorm) and the assumptions we make, and how much we chase business
(9:34:15 P) i dont have as much pitching experience as you do,but i dont feel like my time was wasted
(9:34:27 P) that said, its not rocket science or like… next-level shit
(9:34:34 P) its just a framework
(9:35:34 P) Tac Anderson: the best stuff is usually common sense right?
(9:35:45 P) yeah
(9:35:55 P) i mean its not like anything we do is revolutionary
(9:36:57 P) we just happen to know how to do it in a way that is reasonable and valuable and maps to stuff
(9:37:42 P) Tac Anderson: usually 🙂
(9:37:55 P) well whatever, you know what i mean
(9:38:33 P) Tac Anderson: yes
(9:40:02 P) so yeah… i think it’d be worth doing if just to be in the room with some of the people for whom its less intuitive
(9:40:32 P) to grok their thought process
(9:40:40 P) it was educational to me
(9:42:23 P) Tac Anderson: i’m actually not a good sales person. i’m sure it would be helpful. i’m more the “this is your problem. this is how you solve it. here’s my number” which works reasonably well when you know your shit, but doesn’t work when they don’t recognize their problem
(9:42:35 P) yeah me too
(9:42:51 P) i think that we think we know what their problem is when we dont necessarily
(9:43:03 P) or dont know the full extent, or where else we can bring value
(9:43:30 P) i mean, we know that their communications suck and that they’re sending out press releases like they matter, but those are symptoms not problems right
(9:43:59 P) Tac Anderson: i usually know what the problem is at it’s core but i’m usually not being asked to solve that problem. IE8 sucks, that’s their problem but not the problem we get asked to help with.
(9:44:17 P) and if we can get to the ‘heres how doing what we say will help you map to what youre being measured against at the end of the day’ then we have a better shot of getting buy-in
(9:45:07 P) i definitely think you should take it
(9:45:16 P) Tac Anderson: my problem is i don’t want IE8’s buy in. if it sucks and you have to show that people think it doesn’t suck, i’m of no use.
(9:45:21 P) Tac Anderson: i’m sure i will.
(9:46:00 P) yeah i dont either but i want to be able to phrase what i know is right in a way that will get their buy-in so that i get to do what iwant
(9:46:15 P) Tac Anderson: yeah
(9:46:16 P) and i dont think i’m good at that
(9:46:20 P) and i think i resent that i have to
(9:46:39 P) so anythign that makes that less of a thing that exists in my head that i can obsess and fume over is a net positive to me
(9:46:45 P) did i just say net positive? kill me.
(9:47:00 P) also i’m worried that we’re all stressed and stretched as thina s we are and we’re not winning any business.
(9:47:16 P) Tac Anderson: sudo $kill jeremy
(9:48:14 P) Tac Anderson: that’s another prob. we’re not winning BECAUSE we’re so stressed. people need to learn to say NO and focus on a few wins and not chase every f*ing thing that comes along.
(9:48:24 P) yup
(9:48:31 P) thats part of it too
(9:48:52 P) part of the training i mean
(9:49:02 P) figuring out whether a prospect is worth pursuing
(9:49:04 P) early on
(9:49:27 P) we’ll see how it shakes out
(9:49:50 P) Tac Anderson: prob is NA is behind on their goals and stressed to win biz. Studio D is ahead of our goals and stretched too thin already. bad combo.
(9:50:30 P) well hopefully i just brought in 130-140k with the rodgers and hammerstein thing…tho i haven’t heard back from her
(9:50:43 P) and i hope arran doesn’t try to take credit for it
(9:50:52 P) Tac Anderson: did you hear we won fluke?
(9:51:02 P) though if i were him i might, considering they[‘re doing all the work
(9:51:11 P) for the long term strategy documents?
(9:51:44 P) Tac Anderson: the 1st one. i had to pitch the second one and we’ll hear back on that next week.
(9:51:49 P) oh, the campaign?
(9:51:57 P) Tac Anderson: yeah
(9:52:00 P) cool
(9:52:06 P) though now the schedule’s super tight
(9:52:10 P) of course
(9:52:11 P) heh
(9:52:19 P) well done us
(9:52:22 P) i guess
(9:52:27 P) thats like 15k right htere
(9:52:43 P) and we won Toshiba Storage.
(9:53:50 P) Tac Anderson: alright gotta go. chat tomorrow
(9:53:57 P) ok
(9:53:57 P) lates
(9:54:00 P) thanks for the convo as usual
(9:54:07 P) and for putting up with my ranting 🙂
(9:54:13 P) Tac Anderson: anytime
(9:54:23 P) i really do appreciate it
(9:55:01 P) Tac Anderson: srsly not a prob. i understand
(9:55:10 P) okie
(9:55:11 P) go home
(9:55:12 P) be with the fam
(9:55:17 P) thats whats important anyway

Written by admin

January 31st, 2010 at 2:22 am

Posted in Waggener

Please don’t let me go back to that.

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In these last few weeks, being more “emotionally connected”  (if that’s even what this is) has led to feelings of fear, dread, uncomfortableness, feeling like crying on the subway and at awork, lack of ability to focus.

I have distinct memories of wintertime earlier in life, sitting at home, existing on this plane of misery, anguish and overwheming emotional ruin, unable to function, the darkness outside matching how i felt inside.  This is feeling like that.  I don’t want to go back to that place, I can’t, it’s so hard to see past.

This is affecting my ability to work.  I can’t focus on the tasks at hand.  Thinking about

I’m not able to get any sense of perspective, that i was able to see when i was more shut off.its like my intellectual circuitry and my emotional circuitry are operating completely independent of each other, and even taking the brakes off a little has let all this rush in and take over.

Do i really only have two modes, shut off or emotionally anguished depressive?  This happens every time i try to reconnect, until i decide that it’s not worth it and go back to how i was.

I dont want to go back to this cycle. I’m giving myself deja vu just thinking/feeling about it. Even writing about how i dont want to feel like this reminds me of high school, my early 20s.

This isn’t better.

Written by admin

September 4th, 2009 at 2:01 pm

Posted in Waggener


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everyone’s morons
i hate my job
my boss calls me into his office this mornin and asks if i’m happy at my job, because he feels like i’ve been phoning it in the last few months
so i start telling him about how i dont really feel like people are engaged with what i’m doing and while yes he hasn’t ever said no to content i want to create, that doesn’t mean he’s been a champion of the cause either
and how he thinks that i like being the guy that people come to with random questions that require institutional knowledge or random stuff that has nothing to do with anything else i’m doing
and how actually that just fucking annoys me
and basically all he says is that i need to show up on time (because apparently i was there at 10:30 yesterday and need to be there at 10)
and that i need to make sure to send out newsletters every two weeks
meanwhile,  i get NO information for the label newsletter from project managers
i call
i email
i set up a MEETING REQUEST in their Outlooks to REMIND them to send me stuff about whats going on for their projects
so he says basically,, yeah they’re not perfect, but you need to pull together this information
and says that all the content i’ve been putting together is great and all, but what he needs me to focus on is “CRM”… which to him means newsletters
and its all just so he can give good report talk blowjobs to senior staff
which, fuck that.
its meaningless
sorry…needed to rant

Written by admin

October 24th, 2008 at 10:40 pm

Posted in Work

Job Ruminations

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What I Geek Out On:
– Data Integration, Workflow and Syndication discussions (internal + external i.e. rhapsody, assorted affiliate programs, CPS3)
– Site/Experience Usability Optimization
– Blogs / Podcasts
– CRM Best Practices
– New Masterworks Site
– Widgets

Stuff I like and would be fine helping with
– Writing Newsletter Copy
– Coordinating DSP requests with Release Planning
– Musicbox / Youtube stuff

Stuff I would love to have off my plate
– Masterworks Marketing Meetings (Shouldn’t Bob be going to these at this point?) I’m happy to go to Production meetings.

Written by admin

November 28th, 2007 at 7:54 pm

Posted in Work

an update (letter to mary ruth)

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Hey MRC-

Happy ’07 (I know I know, it’s February, but i’ve been working on this email since March of 06, so…). I realized that I owed you an update, so here goes.

2006 keept me busy. Over the 2005 holiday I decided that I wanted to get organized with my work, so I started keeping a little notepad where I’d list the “to-do list” of things that had been sitting in my head for awhile (#1 rule of a happier life: get it all out of your head…but more on that later).

So this led to getting more stuff done and feeling a little less overwhelmed… So in the second week of January I put together a 7 page plan for the online presence of the label and presented it to all the senior staff (Faye, Michelle, etc) and they were pretty mightily impressed…in fact I got an ovation.

So, since then everyone has started taking the online stuff much more seriously. I hired a content manager named Mary in April of last year who helps me keep the news and information current on our website so I’m able to focus more on promotions and stuff. It’s different being a manager, in the beginning it seemed like its not any less work than if i was doing it myself, but we’ve since gotten into a rhythm.

In August, they hired a new person to head up the marketing team named Alex Miller, and one of the first things he did was to get rid of Faye. I report to him now. He has been such a positive influence on the organization and function of the company, we’ve really been able to streamline ourselves.

(I know this is getting heavy with work stuff, but i’m coming to the rest of it)

In September, a new umbrella of SonyBMG was created, called Commercial Music Group. It consists of Masterworks (Classical, Film Scores, Broadway, Spoken Word), Legacy (Reissues, titles from our archives older than 18 months), Custom Marketing (complilations and albums built for specific retailers like Starbucks, Spas, etc), Strategic Marketing (co-branded albums with partners like Nickelodeon). This becomes relevant a few paragraphs down.

Anyway, in November there were a bunch of layoffs. We lost 7 people including Michelle (out of 25) so Masterworks as it stands is 17 people. Although I miss everyone who is gone, some of them were not as forward thinking as the company requires now, so it wasn’t a huge professional loss.

So I continued chugging away at Masterworks, until in December it was decided that within this group, a new digital group was to be created that will service all the aforementioned labels. All the online people from the aforementioned labels (6 people total) will all come together into a central group, led by this guy JJ Rosen. We will all still go to our various label marketing meetings to be the ‘liaison’ between them and the digital group.

This means that I will have a new job title, new responsibility and more money. Additionally, I will be able to work with stuff outside the classical/film score/Broadway world, and be able to contribute ideas to earn revenue outside the mainstream ‘putting plastic discs into peoples hands’ concept.

JJ is officially responsible for overseeing all the areas of CMG except new CDs, and he plans to have digital be the central hub for all of it. He’s brilliant and very forward thinking, and his main goal for 07 is to greatly increase the revenue brought in from as many non-traditional sources as possible.

I really feel like 2006 was a year for cleaning out old drama and patterns and issues, and that 2007 is when it’s all going to happen for me. I’ve spoken to a number of my close friends, and they are getting a similar feeling about themselves. In fact, its become a good barometer as to how close I am to people, depending on how they feel about the year.

I feel totally rejuvenated and psyched about my life and future. Everything feels like it is coming together finally. My apartment is rockin, I’ve bought posters and kitchen chairs and window shades and everything, and I even went to lunch with my father on Sunday, which was not as awkward as I thought it would be.

I still have my down days, and don’t yet have a ladyfriend to call my very own, but I think I’m really on a good track to have a really good year. I am constantly amazed how many people in my life are willing to go out of their way to tell me how much they think I deserve this newfound karmic change, so I truly feel blessed to have the people in my life that I do.

Anyway, that’s whats gone on since last we spoke, and I wanted to thank you again for helping me sort through enough of my blocks to get the gears in motion.

I hope life is treating you well and that you have all you desire!


jeremy meyers
blog (
dj, web designer [bored productions](
online marketing, [sonybmg masterworks] (
aim/yahoo/icq: softlord

Written by admin

February 1st, 2007 at 6:34 pm

Posted in Sony