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Tac Conversation re: frustrations

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Conversation with Tac Anderson on 1/31/2010 9:11:42 P:

(8:37:57 P)
(8:40:16 P) Tac Anderson:
(8:41:50 P) so you’re ahead of the curve about writing posts about being ahead of the curve, you’re saying?
(8:45:37 P) Tac Anderson: no, i’m saying you’re not alone. i had lunch w/ @BAoki and she’s struggling w/ what’s she going to do now that SM is main stream. I think most of us that have been doing this for several years are questioning if the parties getting old? and as we move on no one understands what we’re seeing over the next hill. I think it’s kind of our lot in life.
(8:45:59 P) i kind of had it out with nadina about what my job is right now
(8:46:08 P) compared what i was hired to do
(8:46:34 P) Tac Anderson: this one too
(8:47:50 P) and i’m kind of tired of having people say ‘oh so youre like tac but for non-microsoft business’ and being like… well, except i dont have a team or his salary (not that its a competition or that thats particularly important to me, its not a knock) and i write RFPs and do grunt research work all day and i’ve been here 9 months and when people ask what i’ve been working on i have not one thing of substance to point to
(8:49:09 P) Tac Anderson: I’m sorry for the comparison.
(8:49:17 P) Tac Anderson: on a lighter side
(8:49:40 P) its fine, didn’t mean to make it about you, it’s not. its just overall frustration
(8:51:12 P) Tac Anderson: no, i get it. i don’t like being compared. you’re not me, and i’m not you. yeah we’re sm geeks but we each have a different perspective even w/in that.
(8:52:10 P) i spoke with nadina about it and actually now that we hired Eddie it sounds like i might have an opportunity to create a content strategist role path and bounce it around him and patton and nadina to try to make it make sense for WE
(8:52:38 P) not content strategist like how @halvorson defines it… i’m working on a description of what i mean
(8:54:50 P) Tac Anderson: that’s great man. i’m glad you did. There are things that frustrate me about WE (like any place that has to pay me to work there) but they do seem willing to make sure people are in the right spot, even if it means creating one (assuming they can sell it).
(8:55:39 P) yeah. i may ask you for help in the selling in portion
(8:56:07 P) Tac Anderson: i’d be happy to.
(8:56:12 P) its just…like… somewhere there’s gotta be that person who’s like “great. let’s do some cool stuff”
(8:57:12 P) rather than “show me why this matters, and if you’re lucky i’ll try a one month campaign and oh by the way legal has to approve everything”
(8:59:35 P) i’m sure you feel a similar frustration
(9:02:50 P) Tac Anderson: sometimes but not quite as bad. I’m not really a content creator. I love the strategy and planning and then am happy to hand it off to someone more talented than me.
(9:03:14 P) i think we complement each other
(9:04:02 P) which is another reason its frustrating to me that we’re nto working directly together that much…sometimes i feel shoehorned into a strategic position that i’m not passionate about
(9:07:55 P) Tac Anderson: well it would help if you had a manger who didn’t rely so much on you for the SM strategy. Nothing against Nadina but Nathan gets social a lot more which means he can field stuff. I get the feeling you are the only go to guy there.
(9:08:26 P) honestly at this point i have no idea what she gets and doens’t get
(9:08:32 P) she’s so scattered
(9:08:46 P) i mean she’s smart and has been a really good professional mentor and has a good strategic brain
(9:08:54 P) in terms of client management
(9:11:53 P) Tac Anderson: yeah. i told nathan I can’t take any more projects this month, while he’s gone, especially from her. everything comes in last minute and high priority. which i know isn’t all her fault, because of the account teams she has to work with but i feel like it’s always a game of hot potato. it’d make me tired and i don’t tire easily.
(9:13:08 P) i think she came into a situation where studio d was only focused on microsoft, the other practices were being underserved, are not particularly educated and there werent any processes in place
(9:13:32 P) and it didn’t seem like almacy did much
(9:13:45 P) Tac Anderson: yeah, it’s a tough spot for sure.
(9:14:40 P) so am i exhausted because we’re crafting a POV document for the intersection of digitial and PA and the intersection of digital and SI and the intersection of digital and healthcare, and crafting custom products for each practice, AND working on Avon AND working on stupid RFPs?
(9:14:41 P) yes.
(9:15:12 P) are those things that get me up in the morning? no. not as much as it does Heather (who i’m so happy to have more officially on the team)
(9:15:15 P) and even she’s frustrated
(9:16:29 P) Tac Anderson: what’s your insights color?
(9:16:38 P) mostly green
(9:16:56 P) though i’d really like to take it again, i have a feeling its pretty different now.
(9:17:13 P) Tac Anderson: that’s what i thought. same w/ nadina. snow’s all blue if you can imagine 😉
(9:17:20 P) i really like her
(9:17:30 P) we went out to dinner last night
(9:18:00 P) Tac Anderson: color wise, she’s the exact opposite of me. but yeah we work well together (mostly)
(9:18:27 P) i dont think she’s being used well either
(9:18:46 P) Tac Anderson: no, it’s hard with her out alone in Austin.
(9:19:17 P) yeah
(9:19:30 P) she wants to come here, kinda
(9:19:37 P) except for the whole owning a house and loving austin thing
(9:20:20 P) Tac Anderson: i think it would be good while you build out the ny office to have more concentration.
(9:20:33 P) hmm?
(9:22:09 P) Tac Anderson: if heather were in ny i think it would be good for the team.
(9:22:33 P) oh
(9:22:34 P) yes
(9:25:07 P) of course the two new headcounts we now have open are apparently going to be in boston and in DC
(9:26:02 P) Tac Anderson: yeah, there is a case for getting a local presence. esp considering how much nadina has to travel. fotunately that’s not too far away.
(9:26:09 P) yup
(9:26:33 P) hoping some of this ‘research the competitors social media presences and present an analysis for the rfp deck’ stuff can get off my plate
(9:26:50 P) thats what the request fro m this afternoon was …of course i end up having to do it now
(9:26:53 P) well, me and nadina are splitting itg
(9:27:06 P) i dont know why thats not a research function, but apparently they’re allowed to push back snce its nonbillable
(9:28:46 P) Tac Anderson: research has resources for new biz. just like we gave up headcount to marketing for rfp’s. everyone is so insanely busy its not even funny. everyone’s getting pretty stressed.
(9:28:59 P) yeah
(9:29:06 P) did you take the value selling class?\
(9:29:54 P) Tac Anderson: not yet. not until they make me. of course they’d actually have to clear my plate for 2 days, which isn’t going to happen anytime soon. how was it?
(9:33:02 P) actually its pretty useful
(9:33:05 P) i think it will help us
(9:33:16 P) i was braced for something totally corporate and lame
(9:33:19 P) and to some extent it is
(9:33:57 P) but its also a good framework to be thinking about our rfp/pitch process and to get people thinking about what we do in brainstorm meetings (source, not brainstorm) and the assumptions we make, and how much we chase business
(9:34:15 P) i dont have as much pitching experience as you do,but i dont feel like my time was wasted
(9:34:27 P) that said, its not rocket science or like… next-level shit
(9:34:34 P) its just a framework
(9:35:34 P) Tac Anderson: the best stuff is usually common sense right?
(9:35:45 P) yeah
(9:35:55 P) i mean its not like anything we do is revolutionary
(9:36:57 P) we just happen to know how to do it in a way that is reasonable and valuable and maps to stuff
(9:37:42 P) Tac Anderson: usually 🙂
(9:37:55 P) well whatever, you know what i mean
(9:38:33 P) Tac Anderson: yes
(9:40:02 P) so yeah… i think it’d be worth doing if just to be in the room with some of the people for whom its less intuitive
(9:40:32 P) to grok their thought process
(9:40:40 P) it was educational to me
(9:42:23 P) Tac Anderson: i’m actually not a good sales person. i’m sure it would be helpful. i’m more the “this is your problem. this is how you solve it. here’s my number” which works reasonably well when you know your shit, but doesn’t work when they don’t recognize their problem
(9:42:35 P) yeah me too
(9:42:51 P) i think that we think we know what their problem is when we dont necessarily
(9:43:03 P) or dont know the full extent, or where else we can bring value
(9:43:30 P) i mean, we know that their communications suck and that they’re sending out press releases like they matter, but those are symptoms not problems right
(9:43:59 P) Tac Anderson: i usually know what the problem is at it’s core but i’m usually not being asked to solve that problem. IE8 sucks, that’s their problem but not the problem we get asked to help with.
(9:44:17 P) and if we can get to the ‘heres how doing what we say will help you map to what youre being measured against at the end of the day’ then we have a better shot of getting buy-in
(9:45:07 P) i definitely think you should take it
(9:45:16 P) Tac Anderson: my problem is i don’t want IE8’s buy in. if it sucks and you have to show that people think it doesn’t suck, i’m of no use.
(9:45:21 P) Tac Anderson: i’m sure i will.
(9:46:00 P) yeah i dont either but i want to be able to phrase what i know is right in a way that will get their buy-in so that i get to do what iwant
(9:46:15 P) Tac Anderson: yeah
(9:46:16 P) and i dont think i’m good at that
(9:46:20 P) and i think i resent that i have to
(9:46:39 P) so anythign that makes that less of a thing that exists in my head that i can obsess and fume over is a net positive to me
(9:46:45 P) did i just say net positive? kill me.
(9:47:00 P) also i’m worried that we’re all stressed and stretched as thina s we are and we’re not winning any business.
(9:47:16 P) Tac Anderson: sudo $kill jeremy
(9:48:14 P) Tac Anderson: that’s another prob. we’re not winning BECAUSE we’re so stressed. people need to learn to say NO and focus on a few wins and not chase every f*ing thing that comes along.
(9:48:24 P) yup
(9:48:31 P) thats part of it too
(9:48:52 P) part of the training i mean
(9:49:02 P) figuring out whether a prospect is worth pursuing
(9:49:04 P) early on
(9:49:27 P) we’ll see how it shakes out
(9:49:50 P) Tac Anderson: prob is NA is behind on their goals and stressed to win biz. Studio D is ahead of our goals and stretched too thin already. bad combo.
(9:50:30 P) well hopefully i just brought in 130-140k with the rodgers and hammerstein thing…tho i haven’t heard back from her
(9:50:43 P) and i hope arran doesn’t try to take credit for it
(9:50:52 P) Tac Anderson: did you hear we won fluke?
(9:51:02 P) though if i were him i might, considering they[‘re doing all the work
(9:51:11 P) for the long term strategy documents?
(9:51:44 P) Tac Anderson: the 1st one. i had to pitch the second one and we’ll hear back on that next week.
(9:51:49 P) oh, the campaign?
(9:51:57 P) Tac Anderson: yeah
(9:52:00 P) cool
(9:52:06 P) though now the schedule’s super tight
(9:52:10 P) of course
(9:52:11 P) heh
(9:52:19 P) well done us
(9:52:22 P) i guess
(9:52:27 P) thats like 15k right htere
(9:52:43 P) and we won Toshiba Storage.
(9:53:50 P) Tac Anderson: alright gotta go. chat tomorrow
(9:53:57 P) ok
(9:53:57 P) lates
(9:54:00 P) thanks for the convo as usual
(9:54:07 P) and for putting up with my ranting 🙂
(9:54:13 P) Tac Anderson: anytime
(9:54:23 P) i really do appreciate it
(9:55:01 P) Tac Anderson: srsly not a prob. i understand
(9:55:10 P) okie
(9:55:11 P) go home
(9:55:12 P) be with the fam
(9:55:17 P) thats whats important anyway

Written by admin

January 31st, 2010 at 2:22 am

Posted in Waggener

Please don’t let me go back to that.

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In these last few weeks, being more “emotionally connected”  (if that’s even what this is) has led to feelings of fear, dread, uncomfortableness, feeling like crying on the subway and at awork, lack of ability to focus.

I have distinct memories of wintertime earlier in life, sitting at home, existing on this plane of misery, anguish and overwheming emotional ruin, unable to function, the darkness outside matching how i felt inside.  This is feeling like that.  I don’t want to go back to that place, I can’t, it’s so hard to see past.

This is affecting my ability to work.  I can’t focus on the tasks at hand.  Thinking about

I’m not able to get any sense of perspective, that i was able to see when i was more shut off.its like my intellectual circuitry and my emotional circuitry are operating completely independent of each other, and even taking the brakes off a little has let all this rush in and take over.

Do i really only have two modes, shut off or emotionally anguished depressive?  This happens every time i try to reconnect, until i decide that it’s not worth it and go back to how i was.

I dont want to go back to this cycle. I’m giving myself deja vu just thinking/feeling about it. Even writing about how i dont want to feel like this reminds me of high school, my early 20s.

This isn’t better.

Written by admin

September 4th, 2009 at 2:01 pm

Posted in Waggener